Children in the desert
by toomanypickles
Summary: A drought plagues Konoha, and the threat of war hangs over the country. Sakura is sent to Sunakagure on a peacekeeping mission.
1. Prologue

_The child stirred at the soft touch._

"_It's time to wake little one."_

_It tried to fight off consciousness. It knew it wasn't time, and all it wanted to do was sleep anyway. It was supposed to sleep for much longer it knew._

_But the voice was becoming more persistent, and it could no longer be ignored. It was time to wake , yes, and it was time to get rid of whatever it was that was bothering it._

_It took a long time for the child to wake at last, and a lot of work, but it was done._

_When the child woke it was in a cage, being carried away from it's resting place, from it's mother. It started to cry._


	2. 1

Standing before him now, as he's leaving – for the last time this time – I just feel so tired. I feel like I've been all used up, and all that's left at my center is the tiny, basic me, and she's so tired.

I shrug and hold out my hands, a small gesture of defeat. Even that small gesture takes an effort on my part, and the words I say next take even more.

"I would've done anything for you."

But, as always, it means nothing to him. I mean nothing to him, and I know I never will. When his brother is dead, and he can return to life, still, I am a nothing. He walks past me without responding, as though he can't even see me. If he walked into me now, I wouldn't be surprised if he just passed right through me.

He's gone.

Tears run down my cheeks, and I know I should stop, but it's just too hard. I have to get home, I know, I have to make a report, I know, but I just want to stand here a little longer.

My legs give out and I fall heavily onto my knees. A cloud of dust rises up around me. We've been experiencing a dry spell; the crops have dried up. It's bad for crime – more work for us.

There's so much work to be done.

I'm still sitting in the dust. I don't know if I can stand anymore. My tears are forming a small puddle of mud on the ground, and I wish something would grow. Something inside of me maybe.

I look up when I hear voices. No one I recognize, but they recognize me. Strong arms lift me and start carrying me away; my eyes drift shut as we go and I can't find the energy to open them anymore. I feel so heavy I wonder how anyone could carry me.

How can I continue carrying my own weight?

_When I wake up I'm in the hospital. It's nothing new, only I'm not used to being the one on the bed. I sit up, and as there's no one around, I get out of my bed. I feel a little head rush when I stand, but other than that I feel fine._

_Well, as fine as one can feel when they're alone in the world, and they just lost the people they were protecting._

_I walk down the halls, passing no one on my way out. It's strange, but I don't think much of it. I'm too busy worrying about what I will say in my report._

_I walk out of the hospital into the desert, and I realize that I'm in a dream. The sun glares down at me, and I can feel my skin burning, even in a dream. I turn around to go back into the hospital, but the hospital is gone; the desert stretches out all around me._

_I start to walk._

_It isn't long before a wind starts blowing. Grains of sand fly against my skin, stinging my exposed skin, but I hardly notice. It's only a dream. When I wake up, then my nightmare will begin again._

_As I walk I notice how my heart feels lighter with each step I take. My soles are burning, so I start to run. I can run faster than I've ever run before, without any effort. I'm running so fast that as I come to the top of a dune I run off it into open air, and I don't come down._

_I'm running on the wind._

I wake up in a hospital bed. When I look over there's a man in the bed next to me, and a nurse checking his drip.

"What day is it?" I ask. My voice croaks like a toad.

"August 15th." The nurse replies. She doesn't look up until she finishes what she is doing, and by then I am already gone.

August 15th. I've been away too long. I left almost a month ago with my team, and now I'm back empty handed. I've failed my country.

Before I do anything I return to my house to get dressed properly. I still believe in dressing appropriately for the occasion. I doubt the Hokage would appreciate me turning up in a backless hospital robe to tell him he's lost two valuable ninja's but is still stuck with me, a medic who couldn't even save the lives of her own team.

As I remember the events of last night, I realize how funny it is. Sasuke leaving me. He wasn't leaving me exactly, none of them were, but still, he was around and that was enough.

Ino was the first to leave. She was sent out actually, to work in the country of earth, and she is still there. She's probably fallen in love there, as I figure it. The others have all been sent away as well. Some on diplomatic missions that last for years, some on missions they never returned from, and some just don't return to me anymore.

Naruto is one of the ones who never returned, but I'm certain he still lives. I'm still here working, just waiting for the day he turns up to claim his place as Hokage.

I feel like I'm always waiting.

I waited so long for Sasuke to realize how much he loved me, and he never even noticed. He never even cared, but he still stayed with me longer than all the others. Long enough for me to think I had some power over him, some small influence on his thinking. But I was wrong, and now I am alone.

Alone in a room with a group of elder jonin, reporting my failure to them.

It wasn't a complete failure I suppose. We were sent out with very few instructions; told only that we needed to protect the people from themselves. And we did, for a time. We stopped the bad guys and did our best to help the good guys. For my part, I tried to heal the hurt caused by this drought. There have been other teams sent out to find some way to bring water back to Konoha, but so far there has been little progress. Rival countries have taken advantage of the drought and come hunting us down now in numbers we can hardly keep back.

It was such a hunting party that brought an end to our mission. We were ambushed near a small farming community. We had just gotten rid of the thieves who had tried to break into the farmhouse stores and were on our way to the next place when they attacked. There were three of them, like us, but they had the advantage of being three killers. I shouldn't have lived. I know; that's what everyone will say about me now. They'll question my having lived when the other two died. They'll think I ran away. I didn't.

I tell the elders everything, from the beginning. How many thieves taken into custody, how many enemy nin we met during our time outside the city. We did meet others, and we took care of all of them, but it only takes one group and everything we accomplished feels like nothing. We none of us die in vain, I tell myself, but I feel like my life is in vain.

I tell the elders when we were attacked, by how many and from what country. In fact, I don't know what country they came from, as their headbands had no markings on them. I tell the elders this, and I tell them how the others in my team died, and how I died soon after.

I was dead you see. So when everyone is saying that I ran away, and that's how I escaped with my life – they're wrong. I died in the fight with my comrades. But I came back to life, and they did not.

I can see that they don't really believe me. I know it's hard to believe, but I really was dead. I did not play dead and wait for the enemy to leave; I am not speaking figuratively. My heart stopped beating. There was nothing for such a long time, and then I woke up, and I was alive again. The enemy was gone, and I was in so much pain, and so tired. But I picked myself up and carried the bodies of my team to the nearest village where they were cremated the next morning. I returned to the city with two urns in my bag; I faced Sasuke for one last time with the ashes of my dead cell in my bag.

But I don't tell the elders about that. I only tell them that I have returned with the remains of my comrades, and they nod. They tell me to take a few days to recover before returning to them. They say, "Go home Sakura." but I don't know where that is.


	3. 2

I have a house, of sorts. It has a living room and a kitchen and a bathroom and a bedroom. It has lots of windows out the back and in the kitchen, and it's decorated with bright colours, from when I was a girl. It used to be so much more to me, but now it is just a house. It's just a place where I live.

After telling the elders of my failure I return here. I don't know what to do. My mind is racing in all different directions, but none of them are leading me anywhere I want to be. I want to run away, but I settle for running around the city. It doesn't take me long to circle the city and return to my doorstep again – too little time actually, so I decide to run further again. I just want to stop thinking, but even while running I can't keep my brain from buzzing at me.

Stop thinking, stop thinking.

I should have acted differently; I could have used all my chakra to at least try to save the others, instead I had a little left, just enough to return to life.

I should have stopped Sasuke. I should have tried harder anyway. I should never have been there. Why did I have to arrive just as he was leaving?

Stop it please.

The sky has been dark for hours when I return to my kitchen, but I can see the lights of Konoha out my window. I eat what was left in my cupboards from before I left, more out of necessity than any feeling of hunger. I can not allow my body to become feeble. I can not be useless ever again.

In the morning, I will go shopping and buy real food I decide before falling into bed.

_Even when I am asleep my brain pesters me._

_"Only a dream." I murmur, but all the same I run after Sasuke as he walks away. I want to see if maybe, even if only in my dreams, I could have stopped him._

_He stops and I close the distance between us. "Sasuke!" I yell after him, and he turns. His eyes are red, and he uses them to look through me._

_"Such a worthless heart." He hisses._

_The ground feels strange under me. I look down and realize I'm standing in quicksand. I look up at Sasuke in horror. A trap. "Help me Sasuke, please."_

_But he only watches as I sink deeper and deeper into the sand. I too watch, transfixed, as it rises up past my calves and thighs, until it reaches my shoulders and then my face. One last time I call out to Sasuke before I am swallowed up, but I receive no reply._

_To my surprise I come out the other end, in a desert. All around me dunes of sand rise, shifting slowly in the wind._

_I start to climb._

_Once I reach the top of dune I find a pile of rocks on the other side. In the cracks between the rocks tiny purple flowers grow out of the sand. I reach out to touch one and it crumples under my touch. I pull back, but trip on a rock and fall backwards. Once I'm on my back, I find it rather nice and I lay there, watching tiny clouds float past in the sky. A small lizard crawls across my collarbone and into the shade of the rocks underneath me._

_"Only a dream."_

Three days pass very slowly when you have nothing to do. For three days all I can do is train and recover, not that the two things go together very well. In that time too, I go to the library and look into the archives to try and figure out what's been going on in the month since I left. It seems not much. Still Konoha is under attack by mysterious ninjas who wear blank headbands, and still, there is not a cloud in the sky.

Every shrine I pass on my way around the city is full of offerings. Anything for rain. We ask the gods for help; we ask each other for help, but nothing is coming. It seems so hopeless.

But I know it is not.

I pass by the Yamanaka flower shop on my way back to the house. It's not really on the way, but I make the detour anyway. Ino's parents still own the place, but it is closed now. No flowers will grow where there is no water, and no one will buy flowers where there is so much fear.

I would have. My house is so lonely, even with the bright colours.

It's lonely because I live in it.


	4. 3

A few days later I'm standing in the same office where I reported my failure, listening to my new instructions. Two male nin are standing on either side of me, receiving the same information.

"You're being sent to the country of wind, in exchange for three of their ninjas." We're told. "It's more of a diplomatic exchange than anything, but you will be expected to do as you are ordered by our allies. We want them to trust us, as much as we would like to know we can trust them in these difficult times.

"Of course, it goes without saying," he goes on, "That if at any time you become aware of a planned attack on our country, if our allies are not as trustworthy as we had hoped, than you are to inform us immediately. You leave tomorrow morning. That is all."

I nod along with the other two and turn to leave slowly. So we're to be spies then. I've never particularly liked spying, especially when I'm supposed to live with those I'm spying on. I suppose it can't be helped, but all the same, I hope there's nothing to report from the country of sand.

I go home and pack what few belongings I need for an indefinite trip into foreign lands and spend the rest of the night training myself as best as I can. I've gotten much stronger, I know, since I realized that this is really what I want to do, but after suffering such a crushing defeat as my last mission, it's hard to believe I'm strong. Even returning to life from death can't make me stop doubting my power.

I don't get any sleep the night before we leave. In the morning I join the other two at the last minute and we leave in silence. They don't like me pulling that kind of thing, I know, but I find it so hard to talk to people nowadays, I find myself avoiding situations in which it might happen.

The other two are old friends, as I discover on the trip. A few years younger than me, they talk with each other the whole way. For the most part I am silent, although I join in their conversation a few times.

We spend one night in a forest on the way there. We were told we'd be meeting a guide on the border of the desert to take us to our destinations tomorrow morning, so we have no reason to press on any further.

After the others have settled in for the night I go for a midnight run. It's nice to run in the quiet, with the nocturnal animals out for the night with you. It's a sort of enchanted time, but even at these times, my brain won't stop bugging me. Some days I hate my mind.

It doesn't take long before the trees start to thin out and then they stop altogether and it's just a short run across grassy fields until the desert starts.

I stop at the edge, nearly overcome by the sight. It seems impossible to approach, let alone to cross such an expanse. I'm not even truly in the desert yet and I wonder if it's wise to be here.

"Couldn't sleep either?" The first man asks as I return to camp a little while later.

I shake my head, and jump to the branch beside him. "It's never as easy as it used to be."

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Tell me about it. It used to be we would finish a mission and everything was so simple, and we could feel good about it afterwards. It used to be us against the bad guys, but nowadays…" he trails off, a faraway look in his eyes. He looks over at his friend sleeping nearby and shrugs. "And now this mission. I mean, it's good that we're keeping the peace with our neighbors; all we really want is peace, no matter how bad it is for business, but I just get a bad feeling when I think that we'll be living with those people, for who knows how long. This drought had better end soon, for all our sakes."

I nod in agreement. It's not just bad for farmers, for thieves. Now, thanks to the anonymous ninjas attacking Konoha relations between countries are strained, and it seems that the war we fought so hard to prevent may still come to be. Fortunately the situation between countries is not quite the same as it used to be, but it's still all very complicated and unpredictable. One wrong move and everything could blow up.

"It's tough, you know, to know how to act anymore, with the bad politics." He goes on. "Sometimes I wish we could go back to hating them outright; it's much easier than trying to be sneaky."

"I take it you're not interested in politics then?" I ask.

He shakes his head and smiles crookedly. "I'm afraid it's a bit too complicated for my brain." He says, and waves his hand over his head. "Right over my head."

I say nothing.

"But you," he says, "You're well known for your brains, you must understand it pretty well. And here I am, blabbing on about politics, when I don't really know anything about it."

I smile at him. Despite the small difference in our ages, he makes me seem much older than him. "I don't mind. Sometimes I would rather hear the talk of people like you, who believe they know nothing about politics than from people who think they understand everything there is to be understood – when they know nothing."

He frowns a little, and I realize I've spoken out of line. "That came out harsher than I meant it to," I correct myself, "But what I mean is that I like listening to you talk."

"That's good, because I sure like to talk." He says and smiles. "When I started out everyone told me I'd make a terrible ninja because I'd never be able to keep quiet if I had to stay hidden, but well, here I am. On a dangerous mission for my country."

"I'd rather it wasn't too dangerous." I say, sounding almost traitorous to my ears, but he just agrees with me. We fall silent for a while, watching the stars.

"I hate spying." he says a last, and I have to agree, but I don't tell him that. I know it's bad for morale, to be talking about how little we want to do the task assigned to us.

"It's best not to think of it that way." I say.

"Just 'information gathering', right?" He mutters bitterly.

"Not that," I say, "I mean, don't think of our mission that way. Really, we're being sent as peacekeepers. If you're always thinking about how we were told to keep an eye out, you'll not only make yourself miserable, you'll make others suspicious. You'd do better to be friendly, and everything will turn out just fine in the end."

"I wish I could believe you, but I still have this bad feeling in my stomach. This isn't going to be as easy as we hope."

I shake my head. Nothing ever is.


	5. 4

In the morning we meet our guide. He's a short man, with blonde hair bleached whiter than his skin, which has been tanned a dark colour, presumably from spending so much time in the sun. There's no way to escape from the sun in this place. No way but death anyway, is what I might say if I was being morbid. Oddly though, I'm in a good mood this morning.

This trip isn't looking too bad anymore.

We are greeted only with a brief 'good morning' before our guide sets off. We follow behind him in silence at first, later the others talk just as they have for the rest of our trip. They fall a little behind to talk while I walk ahead with our guide.

I walk in silence, a bit awed by the desert. It seems endless; I almost wonder why it hasn't covered the entire world yet. And I wonder how anyone could be crazy enough to build a city in this place.

But somehow, I feel better out here, a little more like my old self.

"And you miss?" the guide interrupts my thoughts, "You're a ninja too?"

"Yes." I answer. Of course I am; why else would I be here?

He just nods and keeps walking. "I was afraid of that." I hear him mutter to himself, just barely. I roll my eyes. Some people.

We come to an oasis soon after I've emptied my canteen, and stop there for a little while before continuing on; just long enough to refill our water supply and have a bite to eat.

We walk all afternoon without stopping. Most of the time we are silent, but every once in a while our guide asks me questions – about popular styles and foods in Konoha, what plants grow well there, how old I am – about anything it seems, but what might be important. He seems to me a strange man; more interested in listening to me describe the way woman like to wear their hair than in telling me about Sunakagure. It's hard to tell if he's really young or an older man who's simply well preserved. Sometimes he seems quite simple, but he knows the desert like it's his home. I guess it is his home.

The sun is setting when we reach the next oasis. Here I sit for a while, resting my feet for a second.

"Are you okay?" The guide asks.

"Yes I'm fine." I answer shortly. I'm not interested in his concern; especially since he probably thinks I'm not strong enough to be a ninja, or make this trek across the desert. But I don't have to prove anything to him, so I don't get up until we leave again.

As we walk he tells us that the next oasis is much farther, so we'll have to watch our water consumption closely. He also tells us that the nights in the desert get very cold, and since we didn't bring anything to keep us warm we'd walk all night.

I'm glad for it – I'd rather not sleep tonight anyway.

We reach the next oasis the next afternoon. It's much bigger than the others, and once we've rested and filled our canteens our guide tells us we'll wait.

"What are we waiting for?" One of my companions asks.

"For your ride." The guide answers and sits on the ground.

The others shrug and lie down nearby. Soon after their breathing slows down, but whether they have actually fallen asleep or they're simply pretending is anyone's guess. It seems to me that they wouldn't be so comfortable here as to fall asleep, but we have been awake for a long time now, so maybe their exhaustion is genuine.

I walk a ways away to take a look around.

"Don't wander too far." Our guide warns me; I wave over my shoulder to him. Of course I know that – I'm not an idiot.

I climb the top of a dune and all around me is sand. It feels like a dream, but it's not. The sun truly is beating down on my skin, and no doubt I'll have a burn to show for it later. I suck in a deep breath and exhale it slowly. It burns my lungs; it's so hot and dry.

I suppose I'll have to get used to this, if we're going to be living here for a while. Not for the first time I wonder what I'll be expected to do in Sunakagure.

I've been standing here for a while when I notice movement in the distance. A small group of caravans is approaching. I turn back to see if anyone is paying attention, but the others are all lying on their backs in the sun, looking oblivious to the world. I turn back to watch the caravans coming closer for a little while, and when it becomes obvious that they are truly coming this way I walk down to wake our guide.

"There's a group headed this way." I tell him, "That wouldn't happen to be our ride would it?"

He stands slowly and walks with me back to the top of the dune. He squints into the distance for a bit – a show I expect he puts on for my sake – and then turns to me and smiles.

"You're almost there." he says, no doubt thinking he's terribly witty and mysterious, and then he walks back to the others and wakes them. I stay where I am to watch the approach.

There are two caravans in the group approaching, led by two camels each. They're funny looking creatures, camels are. All lumpy and tall, gangly yet droopy. That was my first impression of them. When they come closer I notice their big eyes and lovely long eyelashes, and I almost think I'll like them.

Moments later I actually meet one, and when it spits on me I know I'll be avoiding camels as much as possible in the future.

Two dark skinned men jump down from the camels. Our guide appears beside me with the other two. With a minimal exchange of words we are dumped on the men with camels, and our guide leaves. We are told to get into one of the caravans.

It's a bit squishy inside, but it's out of the sun so I don't mind. The ride isn't long anyway before we're told to get out again.

I'm actually disappointed to see that we're in the city; in fact, we're standing outside a large building, with ninjas coming and going all over. I suppose this is their headquarters of sorts.

I was kind of hoping to actually be able to see the city from a distance before being sent into it. I imagine that it would be rather beautiful, though not in the same way as Konoha. I wanted time to adjust I guess, and being cooped up in a caravan is not a good way to adjust.

And I'm sort of dreading this thing now. What if I can't do what is asked of me?

"You are the ones from Konoha?"

I look up to see a small woman wearing a Sand headband watching me expectantly. I nod and finger my headband. She smiles encouragingly and motions for us to follow her before walking up the steps and inside.

"Welcome to Suna," she says as we follow her through a maze of hallways. "I hope it won't be too hard on you, having to come live in a completely different place. I don't suppose it's much like Konoha at all here."

We reach a small door which she holds open for us and ushers us inside. "Good luck." She whispers and then closes the door on us.

We're left in a smallish room filled to the ceiling with filing cabinets, and a large desk in the middle. Seated behind the desk is someone I recognize finally.

"Temari!"

She stares at me for a while. I realize she probably doesn't recognize me, and I wish I hadn't said anything.

She frowns and then asks tentatively, "Sakura?" I nod happily, and she smiles at me. She looks much older, though I realize I must look it too. We're in a profession that ages you quickly. "I'm glad you're here." she says. "It's nice to see a familiar face. And new faces too," she adds quickly, looking at the other two. "So you three are the representatives from Konoha?"

We nod in unison. It seems so rehearsed I almost laugh, but I stop myself. Still best not to appear too unprofessional.

She nods briskly and stands. "Things are bad in Konoha – it's a well known fact unfortunately. We know that times are difficult, and we are trying to ensure that they don't become any worse. But I'm sure you received the same lecture back home, right?"

"Pretty much."

Temari watches us for a bit, leaning back on her desk, a distant sort of look on her face. She looks like she's searching for something. After a while though she sighs, I guess she didn't find what she was looking for and pushes herself off her desk. She sits back behind the desk and starts looking through one of the piles of papers on her desk.

"Things haven't been much easier on us here either, but for different reasons. The trade between our villages was not simply for diplomatic reasons. We do need your help, so I hope you aren't here simply because you thought this would be an easy job for a while. What I mean is; you're not here for vacation."

The man beside me smiles and shakes his head. "We know by now that there's no such thing as a vacation on the job. And besides, we weren't volunteers; we were chosen by the elders." Temari raises her eyebrows at him, and he realizes that she may have been offended by what he said. "Not that I wouldn't be here anyway, given a choice."

Temari smiles and shrugs casually, "Don't worry about it; I know that no one would really rather be in a strange country working for another government than at home. But still, I hope you'll learn to fit in here, as you may be here for a while if things continue as they are."

She makes a small noise of satisfaction and pulls out some papers from the stack with a triumphant look in her eyes. "Here we are! Your assignments. You'll all be expected to perform various duties as a sort of ambassadors as well as these," she holds up the papers, "but those are fairly basic. Mostly you just need to show your face at boring meetings and banquets. We promise you won't ever be put on the spot, or have to make important decisions for the good of our nations. We know that's not what you signed on for – even if you never actually signed on at all.

"Watanabe Takeshi." She says, and holds out a paper to the talkative man beside me, the one I talked to a couple nights ago. I realize that until now I didn't even know his name. That would never have happened to me before. "You'll be working for Sakamoto now. He's a good man, and we trust him well enough to trust you with him. I hope you get along well."

Watanabe takes the paper and studies it. After a moment he nods to Temari, and she looks at the next paper.

"Ito Masuyo, you will also be working for Sakamoto. I'm sure he'll find ways of keeping you both busy." She hands him the paper, and then hands me the last sheet.

"I'm sorry Sakura, but you'll be separated from the others. We need your skills as a medic more than anything."

"Of course." I agree. That's what my strength is, and I fully expected them to use it. I'm glad too, that I'll be doing what I'm best at – what I enjoy most. And I know it sounds callous, but I'm not too upset to be separated from the others.

We're sent out then, to find those we're supposed to be reporting to, and get ready for tonight. It seems that already we're expected to show our faces at a sort of welcoming party.

Once we're outside I head one way and the others head another way. We say goodbye until later, and I'm left on my own to find the hospital. On the back of the sheet Temari gave me I find a helpful little map. Soon enough I'm standing in front of a large stone building. 'This where you'll be spending a lot of time in the future.' I tell myself. 'Better make this good.'

I take a deep breath and walk into the hospital.


	6. 5

Inside the hospital I am immediately assaulted on all sides by noises and smells, people yelling at nurses, crying, people shouting instructions – basically it's chaos.

I approach the front desk cautiously. Behind the desk one man is frantically answering phones, writing down information, all the while telling people to wait on the benches. When I step up he points to those benches, thinking I have an emergency, but I shake my head.

"I'll wait until your call is done." I say. He looks irritated for just a moment, then his face returns to its mask-like expression as he answers the questions of whoever is on the other line of the phone.

"Can I help you?" he asks as he puts the phone down.

"I was sent by Temari." I tell him, and show him the paper she gave me. "I'm here to help."

"Ah! The new arrivals from Konoha!" He looks behind me, as if expecting to see the others. "...Arrival. Well, I guess you'll have to do – If you go down that way," he points down a hallway to my right, "And go into the third office on your left you'll be given instructions from the boss."

The phone rings again and he picks it up before I can ask him who 'the boss' is. I sigh to myself and walk down the hall to the third door on my left. I knock on the door. Moments later a tall man walks out, but does not invite me in. Instead he walks right past me and down the way I came. I peer in the still open door to see what's in there, and find myself staring right at a woman's forehead.

I look down a little to her face. Her face is perfectly ordinary – really there is nothing about it to set this woman apart from anyone else in the world. I wonder if this is the boss, as there isn't anyone else in the room.

I realize I've been staring at the same time as I realize she's doing the same. Only she looks quite bored. I open my mouth to apologize when she speaks.

"Come in." She says, and I'm shocked into silence. I take back any thoughts I had of this being a normal woman. One can see, when she opens her mouth, that it's full of pointed teeth, and it's purple. But that's not the most shocking part; the most shocking part is her voice. It may sound insulting and exaggerating, but she truly does have the voice of a demon. A great big, chain smoking demon that has something stuck in its throat, but quieter I guess, since her voice isn't especially loud, only terrifying.

"Take a seat," she tells me, and I realize I've been standing staring at her still and do as she tells me. "Tell me what you need."

I somehow manage to gather my wits and answer. "I'm here with the group from Konoha. Uh, Temari sent me." I say, remembering the paper she gave me and holding it out to the woman sitting across from me.

"Oh wonderful!" She exclaims, clapping her hands together like a small child. "I'm so happy you're here!" She ignores the paper I'm holding out and goes on. "We've been so busy lately, any one person's help is greatly appreciated. But you, you're not just any person are you?" She pauses and looks at me expectantly. I stare back, unsure of just what she's expecting me to say. "You're Sakura Haruno!" She says for me at last, and smiles so widely her face seems like it will crack apart. It's a rather disturbing sight, actually, with her pointed teeth, but at the same time she looks so young and childish and… well, cute.

"That's me." I agree quietly, a little intimidated still.

She covers her face with her hands. "And to think – you're supposed to work under me! I never ever dreamed that this day would come. If anything, I used to dream of one day learning from you."

I'm rather flabbergasted, and I'm afraid I stare at her quite a bit. I had no idea I was so well known, especially here in Sunakagure, and I tell her so. "I didn't realize I was famous."

"Among our circle you certainly are." she says. For a long moment she just looks at me and smiles, then she shakes herself and remembers where we are, and what we have to do. "Right! I guess I should tell you what we're going to do!" She stands and goes behind her desk to shuffle through her drawers for something.

"Um… Actually, I never caught your name." I say, a little embarrassed.

"Oh! How scatterbrained I am today! My name is Seri Darmali, but you can call me Seri if you like. Please don't call me boss like the other's do. It would be too much for me." All through her introduction she doesn't stop looking through her desk. She frowns and scratches her head, and I smile to myself. I find myself already taking a liking to this woman. She sees me smiling and laughs. "You know what? Forget it. I'll find it weeks from now anyway, so let's talk." She sits back down beside me. "What would you like to know?"

"What do you want me to do?" I ask.

"Oh everything!" She answers happily. A little too happily. "Within reason of course. But I hope you understand that I can't treat you too specially, or the others will think it unfair, and they'll think I'm favoring the foreigner or something silly like that. In fact, it will probably be the opposite. I'm quite the slave driver, as I'm sure you'll discover." She grows more serious for a moment and frowns at the ceiling. "Well, I'd like you to help us treat the wounded of course, but also, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to teach some of our newbies.

"Of course I don't want you to reveal your secret chakra controlling techniques!" She says, showing a kind of political sense I didn't realize she had; one she certainly doesn't give the impression of having. "You're not here for anything like that. I know that. It's just that they need a good teacher, and I'm a bit short on those. I'm a bit short on students too – we're in a big mess here."

I laugh a little. I could tell that the moment I walked in.

We both look up at a knock on the door. "Come in." Seri calls. A dark skinned man peeks around the corner.

"You're needed in the clinic boss." he says timidly.

"Ok thanks!" She stands, and I stand with her. She waves the man away and then turns to me. As I look down at her, I realize just how short she is. Much shorter than I had thought somehow.

"Well, I'll let you go tonight," she says, "Not that I have a choice; you have an appearance to make. Meet me tomorrow morning and I'll introduce you to your new students. For now, you get some rest. It's been such a pleasure meeting you." She shakes my hand and ushers me out of the office, closing the door behind us. She walks me to the front entrance and then leaves me there, on her way to the clinic.

Once outside I shake my head in wonder. She saddled me with students and medical responsibilities so smoothly – I had no chance to even protest. I should have really, it's not exactly proper for someone in my place to be teaching medical students in this foreign country, but it's too late now, isn't it?

I look around, and all of the sudden I realize I have no place to stay. Temari never told me where I'd be staying, nor did Seri, or anyone I've met today. I assume they will be giving me a place to stay here. It would be only proper. I study the paper in my hands; no information there.

Dammit, what now?


	7. 6

"I'm sorry," Temari said, once she had stopped laughing. "We assumed Seri would already have made you a slave to the hospital, so you wouldn't need a place to stay."

I stare at her in disbelief. Can she seriously be the one in charge of foreign affairs here?

She laughs again, though not as much. "Sorry. Seriously though, we have rooms for all of our guests in this building. Its part of my job to make sure you get to one. Well, more precisely it's the job of my assistant, but unfortunately I don't have one yet."

"Not many applicants?" I ask.

"None worth considering." she answers with a shrug. I roll my eyes at her. If she really needs help she should just hire someone, if only temporarily. Even if they're not great, it's better than nothing. She's just being silly, if you ask me.

"Anyway." She writes a quick note and hands it to me. "Just show this to someone in uniform out there and ask them for directions. I'll send someone to get you for the banquet tonight."

I thank her and leave. Outside I notice there are in fact several people standing about in uniform. All of them are busy except one. I approach her and ask her to direct me to my room. She takes me down a long hallway and points up a large flight of stairs.

"Up two flights of stairs to your left. The rooms are all numbered."

I thank her and she goes her way, and I go mine, up the stairs. Once I'm on the third floor everything is much quieter. There's no one here, and on my way down the hall to my room I pass only one couple walking the other way. I nod to them, figuring they must be ambassadors too, or something of the sort. They return my nod politely and continue on.

I reach my room and try the door; it is unlocked. I peer inside cautiously, wondering if it's supposed to be open. There's no one inside, so I walk into my new place.

It's nicer than my house in Konoha. When you walk in there's a nice elevated platform to leave your shoes and things, then down into the living room, which is nicely furnished. A bit too well for just one person, I'd say, but then, my living room doesn't even have a couch in it anymore. Off the living room are a bedroom and a kitchen. Yes, a kitchen. I guess I won't be getting room service everyday. The kitchen is nice, a little small, but I don't think they really expect anyone to use it much. I look into the bedroom, and see that through here there's a big bathroom, with a big tub in it. I wonder if it even works. It doesn't seem to me that here in the desert there would be much water to waste on such huge baths. The bathroom is a pleasing cream colour, all marble, and no doubt very expensive.

"This is nice." I say to myself as I walk back into the bedroom. The bed itself is very big and tall, and looks like it costs more than my entire house. Everything in this place looks very expensive, even the flowers.

Yes, there are flowers. I was so happy to see that. They're all over the room, in big vases and little vases and hanging over cupboards and things. I wonder who designed this room; they must be rather odd, to design this sort of room in the desert.

I shrug; the flowers are probably fake anyway, and I wouldn't fill the bath ever, to avoid wasting water. I sigh deeply, and jump onto the bed. The bed is perfect – not too soft, or too hard. I just hope that I'm not stealing it from a family of angry bears.

The room smells nice.

'_There's a child hidden in the desert.'_

_I open my eyes to the blinding sun and immediately screw them shut again._

'_No. You must wake up. You must find her.'_

_I stand slowly, my arms swinging heavily at my sides. Why do they feel so heavy?_

_I open my eyes again and look around. The desert again. Only this time it's perfectly flat, and the sand is so white the sun reflecting off it blinds me, and I have to close my eyes again._

_I feel something tugging at me, and stumble forward blindly. My arms swing forward and drag my upper body forwards so that I can't walk straight and have to walk hunched over like an old woman. My arms feel strange; in fact, I can hardly feel them at all, except as a huge weight pulling down my shoulders._

_But I keep moving forward. I don't know where I'm going; for all I know I could be going in circles, but I keep going anyway. I don't know why. My whole body feels sore and tired, and I just want to lie down, but I don't stop. I don't stop._

_The sound of my feet shuffling across the hard packed sand is the only sound that accompanies me as I walk. And then without warning, I trip on something and fall on the ground. Once I'm on my stomach I don't move, simply lay my head on my arms and keep my eyes closed._

_I hear crying._

_I open my eyes carefully. The sun shines not quite so brightly somehow, and I manage to open them all the way, and look around. In the distance I think I can make out figures, but then I'm distracted by my arms._

_My arms are made out of sand. They're grotesquely formed, completely unnatural. I start to scream, drowning out any other sounds._

_I scream and scream, and I can't stop._


	8. 7

I wake up at a loud knock on the door. I wonder what time is it, and shame on me for actually falling asleep. I had only meant to rest a little before it was time to leave again.

And now I don't feel rested at all. In fact, I feel very tired, and sore on top of that.

I drag myself out of bed and to the door. Not that I have to unlock for whoever it is to come in. I guess it's a sort of trust thing they have going here, not to have any locks on the doors. Maybe it's supposed to make us feel safer.

It's an interesting thought anyway.

I'll admit to swearing when I see the man standing outside my door in a suit.

"I'm here to escort you to the banquet." he tells me, and all that swearing I had at first kept inside comes out my foul mouth. I'm so not ready, and I tell him so. He looks worried, but I assure him I can get ready in a very short time.

I let him in and then run back into the bedroom. Once in there I start to laugh at myself. Sure, I can get ready to go make an appearance at a banquet within a few minutes, but can I make a good impression with that appearance?

Probably not.

I wash my face in record time, and use a cloth to wipe the sweat off as much as my body as possible. I'm used to saving water by this time, so I've gotten quite good at taking a bath with a cloth.

I inspect my face in the mirror. I look rather awful. There are dark bags starting to form under my eyes and the right side of my face is still a little wrinkled from sleeping on it. Oh well. There's no time to do anything about that.

I throw open the doors of the closet. Luckily for me Temari has supplied me with some nicer clothing than what I have with me. I pick a dress out at random and put it on. The chest is a bit big, but it'll have to do.

I pull my hair back with one hand and look into the mirror again as I pass by it. I stop for a second, and then shake my head, letting my hair fall down again.

My escort looks surprised when I come back out. "That really was fast." he says. I roll my eyes and follow him out the door.

The party is on the second floor, just under our rooms. It's rather convenient. In fact, if I had known it was so close I might have spent more time making myself look presentable. As it is, not many people seem to notice our entrance, which is fine by me, as I look like I just rolled out of bed. It makes sense, considering it's the truth.

Temari somehow manages to find me right away, and my escort melts away into the crowd. I don't blame him for not wanting to be seen with me; everyone else in the room looks their best, if not stunning. Temari certainly looks stunning tonight.

"I see you've met Luo," she says as she walks up and grabs my elbow, guiding me into the fray, as it were. "Yummy, isn't he?"

I shrug. I hadn't really noticed. And with a name like Luo, I don't think I really want to notice him much more. Temari shakes her head at me and soon I find myself sitting at a table, between Watanabe and herself. Ito is sitting on the other side of Watanabe, and they're talking together as we sit. Watanabe looks up and smiles as I sit, and I manage a smile in return, although my head suddenly feels like it's going to split in half. Of all the times to get a migraine.

I use a little chakra to subdue the pain in my head and look up to see who else is here. Everyone has started to take their seats now. Of course, most of the faces are unfamiliar, but I recognize Kankuro nearby, and some faces I'm sure I've seen before.

And then of course, there's the Kazekage. Gaara. Even in my head, I'm not really sure what I should call him. And I think it's funny, how someone so short can still be so… impressive. He has a presence, that one, and it's not just leftover from the fear I used to have of him when we were younger.

Of course, there is still fear there too, but I'm sure not everyone in the room is afraid of him. At the moment I notice him, he's deep in conversation with a woman dressed in a slinky black dress. I look down at myself and grimace. How am I supposed to make a good first impression in an ill fitting dress and no makeup, hair accessories, or any such thing? I realize how badly prepared I am for this, and feel a gloom descending over my head.

I look up again when Temari nudges me. Everyone is seated and facing the same direction. I turn to follow their gazes, and am led to Gaara. He's standing now, facing the room. This should be good.

But as soon as he starts speaking my headache returns with a vengeance. My limbs, which until now had been sore and tired, start to feel like lead, and I have trouble keeping my eyes open. I hope no one is watching me, seeing the ninja from Konoha falling asleep during the Kazekage's speech. How shameful.

Gaara's speech doesn't last long at all, but then, I wouldn't have expected him to ever make long speeches. Just the fact that he made a speech at all is a little odd.

And while these thoughts are all very fascinating, I still have a hard time staying awake. I just want to go back to bed, but I force myself to stay awake, to at least try to pay attention.

Once the speech is over, everyone claps, and I obediently clap along with them, and then the food is served. I hardly manage to take two bites of it though, before my plate is taken away and the next course is served.

Temari looks over at me during the meal and asks what's wrong.

"Nothing," I tell her, "I'm just a little tired from the trip still. I'll be fine."

"Ok," she replies, "Just promise me you won't pass out in the dessert, or after the meal, or at any point while you're here please. If you really need to, you can go to bed; no one here will be very insulted."

I would roll my eyes if it wasn't too tiring. Not very insulted, she says, as if that's going to make me feel better. But what can I do? I try to sit up straighter and bear it with a smile.

If I thought that the meal was hard to get through, after the meal is even worse. It seems everyone in the room has something to say, and everyone stands up to make their speech. I know it's to be expected at these types of gatherings, and no doubt I'll have to sit through many more such scenes before I go home again, but tonight I find it especially difficult. I just wish it was over already.

And then it is over, but the night isn't over yet. Everyone moves into a big hall where there are drinks being served and everyone is talking around me. My head feels like a drum, and every word anyone speaks is one hit from a drumstick.

Is that too much metaphor?

I shake my head at myself, but I can't shake away my headache. I find myself being dragged around by Temari, being introduced to people whose names I will never remember. I try to be polite and make some sort of conversation, but I'm afraid that I've failed my country in that respect. This is so bad; hopefully the others are making a better impression.

When Temari is distracted for a moment, talking to a very interesting man (as she seems to think anyway) I manage to sneak away and find a little unnoticed balcony just off the hall. There are several of them, but as I look down the way I see that all the others are already occupied, most of them by couples. I found the only empty one.

Or so I thought.

"Am I that bad a speaker?" I hear a voice ask from behind me once I've sat down. I spin around quickly, stupidly expecting a fight, and to my horror Gaara is there, leaning against the wall regarding my coolly. "Although I should give you credit for at least clapping along with everyone else."

Of course, at this moment my mind decides to go blank. Well, not blank exactly, but it certainly isn't providing me with anything that would be useful to me at this time. I try to find words that won't insult him, but everything I can think of still doesn't sound great.

After a few moments of my awkward silence he speaks again, "I thought it was nice and short – I thought that's what people like, or the normal people anyway."

"Your speech was good." I say stupidly. I turn away quickly and mentally kick myself. Now he'll just think I'm a suck up. "It wasn't your speech putting me to sleep I mean." Agh, as if that sounds much better!

"Then what do you propose was putting you to sleep?" he asks, somehow still sounding uninterested, "Enemy ninja arts perhaps?"

I shake my head. I'm sure I'm quite safe here. Well, maybe not here, at this very moment, but in general, I'd like to think that political visitors to Sunakagure are safe enough. "I'm just tired from the journey. I haven't gotten much sleep in the past week."

He frowns, and I realize how weak that makes me sound. And how insensitive.

"If that's the case," he says, "Maybe you'd rather go back to your room for the night. After all, Seri will be expecting you to work hard tomorrow."

I sigh deeply and hunch my shoulders over tiredly. "I know." I moan, "She's already got a class ready for me to teach."

He's silent behind me. After a moment I turn around, thinking he might be gone, but he's still standing there, his face twisted into what I think might be a smile. Just a little one.

"That certainly sounds like Seri." he says. I turn back to stare at my knees. "Maybe you'd rather I leave." he says.

"Not at all," I say, turning back to him. I turn my whole body around this time, realizing that he might be offended by my not turning to face him properly before. "I'm actually starting to feel better." I lie.

He stares at me, clearly not believing me. But then he shrugs, and he doesn't leave me in any case.

We stay that way for a while, in a silence that I find nearly unbearable. Of course, whether it's because of the awkwardness of the situation, or my terrible headache is hard to tell, though I'm thinking it's a mix of the two.

"So… How's being Kazekage?" I ask after a while. I don't know what else to ask him. _'How are your murderous tendencies? Got that cleared up yet?_' or why not, _'So just the other day I was thinking of that time you nearly killed me…'_

Oh god, this is awkward.

"Its busy." he answers shortly. "It's hard to find moments to myself."

"And here I am, ruining one of those moments." I say, standing. "I should probably go."

He says nothing to stop me. I'm not surprised I guess; I know I should never have expected him to stop me. I'm surprised he even talked to me in the first place, and relieved to be leaving his company.

Once I get back into the party though, I nearly fall over with the sudden heat and noise from the people. A woman walks by and offers me a glass of champagne from a tray, and I take it gratefully. The liquid is nice and cool as it fizzes down my throat. I lean against the wall for support for a moment, and try to collect myself.

My eyes are closed and I'm leaning my head back against the wall when Watanabe finds me.

"Are you alright Sakura?" he asks, and I crack an eye open to look at him. He looks worried, so I push myself upright and attempt to show him I'm ok.

"I'll fine. It's just a little too hot in here for me."

He pulls at his collar. "I know how you feel. I'm sweating in this fancy suit. I didn't realize this was going to be part of the job, or I might have stayed home." He says and laughs.

I realize that what he's saying isn't very diplomatic, and anyone who heard him may possibly have been offended, but I just laugh weakly with him. I'm too tired to be a shrew.

"Are you sure you're ok?" he asks again, "You don't look fine to me."

I find myself swaying a little, and he puts out a hand to steady me. I push him away weakly. I feel awful, even a little nauseous now. I'm afraid what little I did manage to eat will come up on someone's beautiful gown or suit.

Then, without warning, Luo appears. "I'll bring her back to her room." he tells Watanabe, and takes my arm in his and leads me away despite my protestations. I quickly say goodnight to Watanabe when I realize I have no say in the matter and stagger out beside Luo.

When we reach the stairs I pull away. "Who do you think you are?" I ask angrily. "You can't treat me this way."

"You can hardly stand – right now I can treat you however I want. You're just lucky that I'm a gentleman, and I've been told to take care of you."

"What?" I ask, only vaguely understanding what he's talking about. My vision is starting to get fuzzy around the corners, and I know that's not good. My legs feel about ready to collapse at any moment. Not good.

He walks up to me and starts actually pulling me toward the stairs. I start to kick and fight back, not properly of course, but the way a child fights when they're throwing a tantrum. "Let me go!" I yell and beat him with my fist. He just keeps going, as though unaware of my struggle.

He stops at the bottom of the stairs though, and we both stare up them. I suppose I'm looking at them with more dread than he is, since I doubt I could make it up the stairs right now. It's while contemplating this that my legs decide they're too tired to hold out any longer and I fall to the ground. This is so embarrassing; it's not fair at all.

Luo looks down at me and smirks. I only glare at him through bleary eyes, and then he picks me up and carries me up the stairs to my room.

It might be almost romantic if I didn't hate him at the moment. What was Temari thinking, calling him yummy? And what was he talking about before, about taking care of me?

He somehow manages to open the door while holding me, and drops me on my bed. Before leaving he bows to me and before he even reaches the door I've fallen asleep.


	9. 8

When I wake up in the morning I feel much better. I know I dreamed last night, but I can't remember any of it on waking, and I decide that's a good thing. My dreams have not been very enjoyable as of late.

I get up and make myself presentable quickly, and then head out the door. Unfortunately Luo is waiting for me outside the door. As he falls into step beside me silently, I make a mental note to myself to talk to Temari about this arrangement.

Before heading to the hospital I stop for a quick breakfast. Luo, who still hasn't said so much as a hello, sits next to me.

"Are you planning on following me all day?" I ask irritably.

He shrugs. "If I have to."

I glare at him, and he smirks, and then breakfast comes and we eat in silence. In angry silence. I keep imagining all the ways I could make him squirm, or cause him pain, and I find that I feel even better after breakfast.

When it comes time to pay, Luo pays for my breakfast as well as his.

"From our country to you." he says, with his heavy lidded smile. I notice now that he has very long eyelashes for a man. It seems unfortunate that Temari should be right about his appearances, when he seems like such a… a pig.

Thinking of pigs makes me miss Ino, and I'm feeling a little down when I enter the hospital again. It doesn't take long before I'm too busy to feel down though. As soon as I walk in the man behind the desk points frantically down the hall, and I follow his directions. Soon enough I'm surrounded by young ninja, and I have no idea what I'm doing with them.

"What so you think of your class?" Seri asks, coming up behind them. She hands me a clipboard and smiles. "I figure the best way to teach them is to show them right? Have fun!" And with that she leaves me.

And I'm perfectly lost. I stare at the kids around me, looking up at me expectantly. Then I look at the clipboard in my hand. There are three cases attached to it, and I assume that Seri expects me to take care of them.

First things first.

"Hello, everyone. I hope you're ready to pay attention; this isn't going to be pretty." I look into the eyes of each of my new students. There are four of them; three girls and one boy. This isn't fair; that's more than jonin have to teach from the academy. I don't especially want to be 'sensei' to four children. One, maybe two would have been nice.

Oh well, what can I do?

"First I'd like to know all of your names." I say.

I wait while they all introduce themselves. They all have nice, common names that I'm sure I'll forget by tomorrow, but I can deal with that later.

"Now who can tell me where room 234 is?" I ask, holding up the clipboard.

The tallest of the girls, Mai I think, holds up her hand. "That's on the second floor." She says, and I tell her to lead the way. My new students lead me to an elevator and up one floor then to the room. And Luo tags along.

"This is it." Mai declares when we reach the door.

"Good. How old are you Mai?" I ask, only now wondering.

"I'm thirteen years old."

I look from her to the others. She actually looks older than the others. Unless she looks old for her age, I've been stuck with a bunch of children. But I know well that just because they're young doesn't necessarily mean they're still children. Especially living in this country. And this also means that they must be quite talented, to be studying medicine at such a young age.

"Well, let's get this over with shall we?"


	10. 9

By the end of the day I'm exhausted, but pleasantly so. Most of the day was spent with my new students, all of whom are very bright. Mai is the second oldest, after the boy, Suzuki Kenta. They're very attentive students, and I don't actually feel much like I'm babysitting them at all. Mostly I just have to do my job, and explain it while I go.

I think I'm going to like it here. I'll always be busy it seems, but I enjoy having something to put my mind to, instead of having to think about my recent failures. The only problem is Luo, and after work I decide to make a visit to Temari to do something about that problem.

When I ask to see her though, I'm told that's she in a meeting, and has asked not to be disturbed at all for the rest of the day. I guess she would be busy, what with being an important political figure and all, but still.

I'm quite put out. I trudge up the stairs to my room, followed by Luo until I reach my door. When I walk into my room he doesn't follow, so I close the door on his face and lie face down on my bed. With my face in the pillows like this I can almost imagine I'm all alone in the world, and I can almost stop my thoughts for a moment.

But soon enough I fall asleep, and I dream again.

"_I never expected you to be here." He says, and he laughs a little. I don't know what's so funny, and why shouldn't he expect to see me in my own dream?_

_I never expected to see Naruto in the desert._

"_I've missed you Sakura." He says. I shrug, even though I want to run to him, to punch him, to hug him, even though I want to cry._

"_What are you here for?" I ask him._

"_To help you."_

"_Why? What am I supposed to be doing? If you're here to help me, then tell me that."_

"_You're supposed to save us."_

"_Oh _I'm _supposed to save you now, am I? What about before Naruto? Why couldn't I save you then?"_

_Naruto shakes his head slowly. "That was different." I realize now that this can't be Naruto; he's far too calm and vague. Naruto hates that kind of person._

"_Fine, whatever. Just tell me how I'm supposed to save you this time."_

"_Don't give up. You have to keep searching. Don't get too comfortable – that's dangerous, and you might get lazy."_

"_Oh come off it. I'm not Shikamaru."_

_Naruto smiles. He looks like himself again, and I feel like crying all of a sudden. I turn away. "Is that all you're going to say?" I ask. "If you're just going to give me vague directions like that, then you might as well leave me to my own devices."_

_He says nothing. I wait for a little while, staring out into the distance. The moon is rising over the desert, and it's bathed in a silver glow. It really is beautiful. I can see forever, or at least, I feel like I can see forever. I feel a strange stirring in my gut._

_When I finally turn around Naruto is gone, and I'm greeted by the same sight as behind me._

I wake up feeling tired, but strangely at peace. I never feel at peace, not like this. Especially not lately. When I get up and look out the window Sunakagure is still covered in a gray light, just before sunrise.

I dress quickly, and sneak out the door, and then out of the building. I make it out without anyone noticing, and once I'm on the streets I start to run. I'm not running with any purpose or direction in mind, but soon enough I'm running in a straight line and I end up at the edge of the city. The desert stretches out before, like it has in my dreams. I sit on the edge of the building I've reached to watch the sun rise over the desert.

And while I'm sitting the strangest thing happens. I'm overcome with that small feeling of peace I had inside my belly, until it completely envelopes me and I feel like I'm floating in an almost happy feeling. And then I stop thinking, and all I feel is calm.

For a while I float away from my body, and I become part of the desert almost. It's strange to leave my body, but I suppose I've done it once before, the day I died. But this is completely different. Last time was all darkness and pain and then nothing. This morning I feel like the air, like the sand itself, and I'm bathed in the golden light of the sun, inside and out. I feel pure. I feel endless.

I'm woken up by shouting below me. I stand up to look over the edge and see three sand ninjas approaching. Two of them are carrying the third between them, and they all look to be in bad shape.

I jump down to them, and ask them what happened.

"We were ambushed." One of them gasps, "Not far from here, they almost killed us."

"I can see that." I answer, and take the weight of the third from them. "Let's get you to the hospital quickly." I say, and lead the way to the hospital. They manage to keep up with me, even though one of them is bleeding heavily. This is bad.

The hospital is already busy when we get there, so I have no trouble getting help for them. I had thought that I would help them myself, but once they're in I'm told to leave them. I do as I'm told and watch as they're carried away to be operated on.

I'm left standing in the waiting room, feeling lost. I should be in there, I think; I should be helping those people. That's what I'm here for isn't it?

I look around at the people waiting around me. Some of them are staring at me, some after the ninjas who were just taken away, and some aren't even paying attention; they're too absorbed in their own emergencies.

I take a seat next to a small man. He tears his gaze away from the door the ninjas were just taken away through to stare at me.

"What happened?" he asks me.

I stare at my hands. They're covered in blood from the wounded man I carried here. "I don't know." I answer him, "I don't know." Somehow, being here in the waiting room I feel worse than I did when I was first confronted with their problem. At least then I had something to do about it – what am I supposed to do now?

"What do I do?" I whisper, mostly to myself. "What do I do now?" I feel small and unimportant, and useless. I hate feeling useless most of all.

"Sakura!"

My head jerks up almost involuntarily at the sound of my name. Luo is there, standing at the door looking right at me. He looks relieved; I wonder why. I shrug helplessly at him as he walks across the room towards me.

"What are you doing here?" he asks. "It's still so early; you should be in bed."

"I know. I just woke up; I went for a run. There were these three – they were wounded."

"What happened?" he asks. He looks… not concerned exactly, but not angry. I'm not sure that there is a word for the expression he has now.

"Three nin, wounded, they came from the desert while I was sitting there. They told me they were ambushed, so I brought them back here." I stare at him, watching his face for a sign, for a clue as to how I did. "Right?"

He nods and looks around. He's not really paying attention to me anymore; I don't think he really cares. The corners of my mouth turn down, and I start to feel better, having something to focus on now.

"They've already been taken care of." I tell him. "I was told to leave them here."

He looks down at me. I stand, not wanting to be below him anymore. Unfortunately he's still taller than me. "Are you here to bring me back then? So let's go back."

He nods again, and I start to leave, but just then Seri comes in and spots me.

"Sakura!" she says happily. "I'm so glad you're here. Figures you wouldn't be able to stay away, right?" She rushes over to me and puts an arm around my shoulders. "I have this little itty bitty favor to ask you."


	11. 10

I stand by the door and stare at Gaara, a little terrified. This is terrible; how did this happen?

Actually, I know exactly how it happened. Seri betrayed me. One minute she's asking me for a teensy little favor, the next I've become the personal physician of a madman. Former madman. I don't know!

She walked me down the hall, where Gaara was waiting. Then she actually scolded him.

"What do you think you're doing?" she demanded. "Didn't I tell you to wait in the examining room?"

I was sure then that he would kill her, or something equally gruesome. Instead he just regarded her levelly, with hardly a change in expression and said, "I apologize." Then went back into the room he was standing outside. My chin still hurts a little from hitting the floor after that.

And then, the ultimate betrayal. "I'm really busy and I don't really have time to do this anymore, or anyone more qualified so I need you to do the Kazekage's check up. Thank you."

After her quick muttered speech, Seri left me. At first all I could do was stand there and blink with amazement at how smoothly she had roped me into yet another, even scarier responsibility, and then I realized Luo was standing behind me, and decided it was time to move.

So here I am.

"How are you feeling this morning?" I ask him quietly, some stupid part of me hoping that maybe he won't hear me, and he won't respond, but at least I can feel like I tried. I'm so glad Luo decided to stay outside the door for this.

"I feel fine." he answers.

I nod, trying to look calm, and look quickly through the papers Seri gave me. Gaara's medical file. I stop quickly though, as he's still just watching me, and it kind of creeps me out.

"Ok fine, that doesn't really matter does it? We both know your body is in good enough condition. This is just a formality right?"

He shrugs. I wish he didn't make me feel like such a fool so easily. I don't even think he's trying.

So I go through the examination, checking his throat, his ears and eyes. When I put the stethoscope to his chest I almost expect to hear nothing, no heart beat, but it's there, beating away steadily. I listen to it a little while longer, to make sure it really is ok, and to reassure myself a little I think. It's nice to know, after all this time, that he really is human after all.

I step back and tell him he can get dressed again. Until now I hadn't even though about it, but I just saw the leader of a nation without his shirt on. It takes a lot of concentration to keep myself from blushing at this point. And it's stupid; it's not as though I've never seen a man without his shirt on before. I guess I just never imagined Gaara in this situation before.

I turn to the counter to jot down some quick notes on his file, and to hide my face from his view. "You'll live." I tell him. I look up at him, but he's not smiling. And he still hasn't put his shirt back on.

"Are you afraid of me?" he asks.

I bite my lip. How am I supposed to respond to that? I know what I should say, how to respond diplomatically, that is, but for some reason that answer doesn't come out of my mouth.

"A little, yes," I answer, and when he frowns I go on. "The right word would be intimidated I think. You are the leader of this country, you know."

"Yes I know."

I smile a little at that, although I'm not sure if that was him being funny, or if he really meant it. I just don't know about him.

"You know Seri will probably make you do this all the time now?" he asks, while (finally) putting his shirt back on.

I sigh. "I've come to realize that she has a way of tricking people into doing more than they plan to."

He pulls his shirt over his head and stares at me. "I could ask her to get someone else if it makes you uncomfortable."

I shake my head, and not only for diplomatic reasons. True, I don't want to offend him, but I also don't want to feel like I'm letting Seri down, and I do enjoy having work to do. I don't mind having more responsibilities at the hospital, and I tell him so.

"I guess I can understand how you feel." he says, and shrugs. He stands then and walks to the door. When he opens it he turns around and faces me again. "Thank you." he says, and leaves.

As soon as he's gone I can feel myself relaxing. There's something about that man that gets me on edge. I think it might be the near death experience I've had because of him, maybe.

Moments later Luo appears in the door. "There's a little while before your class starts," he tells me, "Have you had breakfast yet?"

I shake my head and follow him out of the room and to the hospital cafeteria.

We eat in silence. The food isn't as bad as the food at the Konoha hospital, but it's still not good. Too bad I don't have more time to go out and get real food. I could probably suck some more money out of Luo before I get rid of him.

After breakfast I meet my students for another day of teaching and healing. Luo tags along with us all day, silent, but still somehow getting on my nerves. My nerves which are still on edge from the morning, and I can't calm down until much later that night.


	12. 11

After work I stop by Temari's office again, but again she is busy and I'm turned away. This rather sucks. I ask the man in the housing building where the nearest market is, and after cleaning up a bit in my room I head out to buy groceries. Luo appears as soon as I leave my room and follows me through my shopping. I'm tempted to buy some tampons or something, to try and embarrass him, but decide against it, since there's really no need to buy them. I do walk down the aisle though, just for fun, but he doesn't react or look uncomfortable at all. It's too bad; most of the boys back home would have been squirming just thinking about it. It makes me miss them.

"You don't have to buy groceries you know." Luo tells me as I'm picking out vegetables. "All your meals will be provided for you."

"Oh I'm sure," I say, "but I like cooking for myself. And besides," I add, "I eat a lot more food than you'd care to serve me."

He snorts and I finish shopping quietly, handing him a bag to carry back to my room. Outside my room I take it back and thank him shortly then go into my room and close the door tightly behind me. I put all the food I just bought away and take a little nap. When I'm woken later by a knock on the door I feel wonderfully refreshed, and open the door with a smile on my face. Of course, it's Luo at the door, and my smile fades right away.

"What now?" I ask.

"Its supper time." he answers with a fake smile. I return his smile with a like one, and close the door again.

"Give me a second!" I yell through the door, then unhurriedly go to the bathroom and wash my face, and tie back my hair. I look at myself in the mirror, and see how much nicer I look than I did at the last dinner, despite not having a nice dress. I sigh deeply, and go back to Luo.

"Ok let's go." I say flatly and we walk to another dinner hall. This one is much smaller, and it has more tables than the last one. It more closely resembles a restaurant than the big hall we ate in that first night. I like this one much better.

"This is where you would usually eat." Luo tells me quietly, as he guides me towards a table where Watanabe and Ito are sitting with two women. "Dinner is served here every night except for big banquets and the like. Yesterday we were told to let you sleep; otherwise you could have eaten here."

I nod, and wave to the others. As soon as I sit down a man comes around and puts a glass of water and a goblet of wine on the table in front of me. I notice that everyone else already has their drinks.

"So how's work been going for you?" Watanabe asks me.

"Fine. I'm kept very busy, that's for sure." I answer.

He smiles. "Yeah, we heard about Seri Darmali. She sounds like quite the slave driver."

I shrug noncommittally. "What's Sakamoto like?"

"He's a good man." Watanabe answers. "Fair, you know."

I nod. Waiters come around again and serve everyone. The food looks plain, but much better than the cafeteria food I had for breakfast. I dig in happily, and it proves to be delicious.

Watanabe talks most all through dinner. Ito hardly says anything, and Luo and the two women who were already sitting at our table are so quiet as to be almost unnoticeable. I soon realize that the women have the exact same 'mission' as Luo, to protect the others from Konoha. I wonder if everyone who visits from another country is given such protection, or is it just us.

When dinner is over I'm relieved, and very ready to go back to my room. I get there though, and realize that there isn't much to do. I look outside and see that it's dark, and for a while I wait, considering. I go outside and stand on the balcony for a little while, looking out over the city at night. It looks different than Konoha at night. Both cities are lit up, true, but Sunakagure's lights seem much more demure, almost shy.

I shake my head at myself. How silly, to imagine that lights are shy. And in a city like this, I don't know that anything could afford to be shy. I've turned back to my room, but at this thought I turn back to the city. Its lights shine back at me innocently, noises of a city rising from it to reach my ears. It's such a normal sound, a normal sight.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I may have misjudged you."

I had planned on sneaking out and going for a walk or a run, but I suddenly don't want to anymore, and I sit out on the balcony until my body tells me it's time to go to sleep. Another day tomorrow, full of the same little worries and tasks.

_The night is cool, a soft wind blowing through the desert. The sand feels soft and cool under my bare feet, and the wind feels pleasant on my bare stomach._

_Bare stomach?_

_I look down at my body, and realize that I'm naked. So it's going to be one of those dreams, is it?_

_I look around me, waiting for someone to appear so I can be properly embarrassed. That's how it works in these dreams isn't it? I know well, I used to have embarrassing dreams like this all the time when I was a girl._

_But there's no one around. I am truly alone. There's not even a mysterious voice, guiding me towards something._

_So I walk. It feels nice. If I remember this in the morning, I might think to go walking barefoot in the desert a night. I wonder if it would actually feel like this._

_I'm walking this way, not really paying attention to where I'm walking, looking up at the moon, when suddenly I step down and my foot sinks right down into water. I lean back quickly to keep myself from falling forward, and stumble back._

_Sand sticks to my wet foot as I step to the edge of a huge lake, sitting in the middle of the desert. This is not an oasis; it's unnatural._

_The edges of the lake fall straight down, who knows how deep. I try to peer down into it, but it's too dark. It's all very dark all of a sudden._

I wake up and panic, for a moment forgetting where I am. It takes a while for my heart to calm down again when I remember. I repeat facts to myself to help calm down.

My name is Haruno Sakura. I come from Konoha. I'm in Sunakagure, on a peace keeping mission for my country. Sasuke still doesn't love me, and just recently I failed my team, and we all died. I work in a hospital here, for a woman named Seri.

I look at the door. And I have a bodyguard named Luo. There's one fact I can't really forget.

I get out of bed and ready to go, taking my time this morning. I know now that there's no rush, and it's probably better not to get going too early. Seri might find me and give me more work to do.

I peek out the door to see if Luo is there. He isn't, but as soon as I reach the top of the stairs he's appeared and fallen into step next to me silently. I just find it so very strange. A little scary really, to have a bodyguard.

I knock on the door of Temari's office, since there is no secretary present today. Luo raises his eyebrows at me, and I know he doesn't think she'll be there; he thinks I'm wasting my time, so I'm very gratified to hear her voice call me in. Take that Luo!

I tell him to wait outside please, and enter Temari's office.

"Sakura? What are you doing here so early?" she asks. She looks like she's been at work for hours already.

"I figured this would be the only time I could actually get through to you." I answer, and take the seat she gestures at.

"So what brings you to my humble office?" she asks, right down to business.

"I don't want a bodyguard." I say flatly.

She makes a face and sighs loudly. "I was afraid that was it. I figured you wouldn't like being followed around, but I'm sorry, we have no choice. Lately, there's been a lot of unrest in the city, a lot of bad politics."

I frown. I wasn't aware there was such a problem in Sunakagure.

"I probably shouldn't be telling you this," she goes on, "but there are groups who don't want Gaara in power. They're afraid of him, they still think of him as the demon child."

I blink and say nothing, inviting her to go on.

She rubs her eyes tiredly. "I'm sorry Sakura, but we need to make sure you're safe. The last thing we want is for a visitor to be injured in our city, under our protection. It would be just one more excuse for them to use against Gaara." She looks up at me and smiles, "And, of course, it would be awful if anything were to happen to you, not just politically you understand. So I'm afraid you're just going to have to put up with Luo until the situation is resolved. Or until you go home, whichever happens first."

I nod, my shoulders slumping a little in defeat. It makes too much sense for me to argue with. I guess I really do have no other choice than the one I've been given. There's nothing else for me to do but try and make the best of it.

"Ok. Thank you Temari." I say and make to stand, but she holds me back.

"Why don't you stay and keep me company a little while? I could use the break from work. Better yet, let's go get breakfast; I'm starved."


	13. 12

After breakfast with Temari, I head to the hospital, followed by Luo. He and Temari did most of the talking at breakfast this morning, and it got me wondering why he has to be my bodyguard, and not Temari's. She at least enjoys his company.

But I've decided to make up with Luo. It would suck to have to spend the rest of my days here with a man I can't even get along with.

"So, too bad you couldn't get rid of me."

Later. I'll make up with him later.

I teach class all day, followed by Luo. He remains as silent as ever, but my students have gotten over their initial shyness, so they now ask me questions at least. I'm really starting to warm up to them.

After work I'm told to visit Seri in her office, so I head over there.

"You rang?" I ask, poking my head inside the door.

She smiles and waves me in. "Come in." For a moment I get this image in my mind of a demon sitting inside its terrible lair and waving me in so that it can eat me, but I dismiss it with a smile. Seri's not quite a demon, and besides, a demon would probably at least disguise its voice.

I sit in the chair across from her and wait.

"I found your official papers." she tells me. "I just need you to sign them now. And it would be nice if you dated them for the first day you came, since you've actually been working illegally these last few days."

I laugh and sign the papers where she points dutifully. It figures, that not only would I be doing more work than expected, I would be doing it without the proper papers.

"And I have something else to ask you."

I groan a little inside as I push the papers back across her desk to her. What now?

"You did a good job examining the Kazekage yesterday." She says.

I roll my eyes. "As good a job as any doctor. Probably not as good, even, since I'm a medic really, not a family doctor."

She frowns for a moment, as if just realizing something. "I'm sorry. Does it bother you that I've assigned you all these menial tasks, and stuck you here? Would you rather be out on the field?"

I shake my head. "That's not what I meant."

She smiles broadly then. "Good! Because I want you to take over for me while you're here. Examining the Kazekage that is. It's something that I just can't trust to anyone else. And besides, it's a great show of trust, isn't it?"

I nod slowly. "You don't need to get politics involved Seri; I would have done it for you anyway."

She sighs. "I'm sorry Sakura. I know this isn't what you expected."

I smile, try to make her feel better. The last thing I want to do is make Seri feel bad. "I don't mind one bit."

"I'm glad." she says, and hits her hands palms down on her desk. "Well! Now that that's all taken care of, you should go get some food and rest before tomorrow. More exciting things to do! Every day is new, I like to say."

I raise my eyebrows at her last comment, and she shrugs and grins at me. I stand and she walks me to the door. Just before I'm about to leave she grabs my arm and pulls me back. I'm too surprised to do anything as she pries my eyelids open and stares into my right eye.

"When was the last time _you_ had a check up?" she asks me.

I shrug. "I can't remember."

She makes a disapproving noise, and pulls a pen out of her chest pocket. "You should really get that done soon, if it's been so long. Doctors should be at least as healthy as their patients at all times. Come see me again tomorrow."

I nod, and she writes it down on her palm. I suppress a laugh at her professionalism as I leave, so that when I face Luo again I'm smiling.

"Good news?" he asks flatly. I'm reminded of classic bodyguard types who have no emotions. Maybe he's actually a robot.

"Oh yes." I respond sarcastically. "We'll be waking much earlier now." I walk past him on my way out, and he follows as usual.

"Joy."


	14. 13

"_It's the water you know."_

_What?_

"_The water is what keeps us all going. Water is life. You must know that by now anyway."_

_I'm sure I know, but I also know that there's no water out here, in the desert._

"_No, that's wrong. Because she's out there."_

_Who is this she? Is it the child? Why are you always talking to me about her?_

"_She's waiting for you, you know."_

_No I don't know. I don't know anything about it. What are you talking about?_

"Rise and shine!"

I reflexively punch at the noise, my body reacting before my slow, early morning brain. It could be an enemy, come to ambush me in my sleep.

It's worse. It's Luo.

He dodges my fist admirably, jumping away from my bed. He starts to cough, but I realize it's just a cover for his laugh.

"I thought that you weren't supposed to come in here, even though it's not locked. Some sort of trust building thing." I mumble sleepily, rubbing sleep out of my eyes. I yawn widely, my eyesight narrowing so that all I see is his grinning face. Such straight, white teeth he has.

"I thought you might say that." he says, "But then I also thought that you might not want to be late for class."

I stare at him uncomprehendingly for a moment, until I realize what he's saying. I swear quietly and jump out of bed. Luo politely retreats into the next room while I throw on clothing.

I run into the next room where he's waiting. When he sees me he looks at his watch.

"Wow." he says, "I didn't actually expect you to get ready so fast. You'll probably be early now."

I glare at him, and grab his wrist to look at his watch. "You've got to be kidding me! Why didn't you tell me what time it was earlier!"

"You never really gave me a chance…" he replies defensively.

"Bah! You're such a child!" I tell him, and then grab my bag. "Come on, we're going to get breakfast." I stomp out the door, followed by a gleeful Luo, down the stairs and to the dining room. We sit down at an empty table, as most of the tables are.

I stare around the room. "Are we early or late?" I wonder out loud.

"Early." Luo answers quietly. "Although it's late for most ninjas, it's still early for most of these political types. Most of the people we house here aren't actually ninjas."

I take that information and store it away safely in the back of my mind. How interesting. I look up to thank the waitress as she puts food on the table.

"Sensei!"

"Junko!" I say, hoping to god I've got the name right. "I didn't know you worked here!"

She nods and smiles. "I do. How are you this morning sensei?"

"I'm fine." I reply. "How are you?"

"Well." she says, nodding all the time. "I didn't realize you were staying here; I've never seen you here before."

"That's right; I haven't actually eaten here before. I haven't been very good about eating on a schedule since I got here."

"Sensei," she says, perfectly seriously. "Good nutrition is very important for your health. You should make sure you eat well."

"Of course you're right." I tell her. "How well I have taught you. Speaking of which, you aren't going to miss class today for work are you?"

"Oh no." she shakes her head. "I only work in the mornings, when it isn't busy, so I'll be on time for class."

"Good. Because today is going to be very intense!" I say, grinning evilly, but I don't think she gets it, because she just smiles widely at me.

"I have to get back to work!" she exclaims suddenly, and hurries off after telling me to enjoy my breakfast. I dig in to my breakfast at last. It's actually very good too; I should eat breakfast here all the time. Forget the crappy hospital cafeteria food.

"She's a nice kid." Luo says. He's already almost finished his breakfast by now.

I agree between mouthfuls. The kid in question comes back once I'm done to take our plates away. While she's at the table I offer to wait and walk with her to the hospital, and she agrees happily.

While we walk, Luo always a little behind us, Junko tells me about herself, her family, her favorite foods, what kind of weather she likes best. I realize while she's talking that, after all, she is just a child, no matter how grown up she may seem. I want to hug her or something, but I don't want to seem condescending, or make her feel childish, so I do nothing. I just listen.

At one point she looks behind us at Luo. "He sure is strange sensei," she says, "Is he one of your students too?"

"You could say that."

Luo snorts, but I don't look back at him. Junko stares at him for a little while longer before turning back to the front.

When we get to the hospital the others aren't there yet, so we wait for them in the usual meeting place. One by one my other students show up, and we start the day.


	15. 14

We're eating lunch on the roof. I'm not even sure if we're allowed to be up here, but here we are anyway. I thought it was a shame to let such a nice roof, and such a nice view go to waste. And besides, I also figure that if we really were going to get into such big trouble for coming up here then Luo would not have allowed it, and he's here, sitting next to my students, eating lunch.

At one point I stand up and face them. "I've come to realize," I start, continuing once I'm sure I have their attention. "That I don't really know your goals, even though you are my students and that's probably the first thing I should have asked about, knowing I would be training you. So," I point at Asuka, the youngest, "What are you're plans for the future?"

"I want to be a doctor." she answers timidly. "Or a nurse, whichever I can manage."

"Do you have ninja training?"

She blushes under my scrutiny. I just hope I don't make her cry. "No." she answers, even more quietly than the last.

"Do you like me?" I ask.

She looks up at me. She looks surprised. "Yes."

"Good!" I point at Kenta next. "And you, what do you want?"

"To be a doctor." he answers, but I don't buy it.

"Really?"

"Really."

"I think you're lying to me." I say, glaring at him. "You should know better than to lie to me Kenta."

He sighs. "Alright, so I don't really want to be a doctor, that's just what everyone else wants from me. What I really want is to own a restaurant of my own."

"Hm." I rub my chin thoughtfully. "What kind of restaurant?"

"A restaurant that sells all kinds of foods. Sushi, and onigiri, and dombori and oden."

"And ramen?" I ask, aware of the importance of ramen.

He nods. "And ramen."

"A noble venture." I tell him, patting him on the shoulder. "But don't tell your parents I said so. No matter what. Even if it seems like a good idea to you; like it might help you to convince them – don't tell them."

He nods, looking a little frightened.

"Do you have any ninja training?" I ask.

He bows his head. "Sort of," he says, "I failed the academy tests, so I couldn't go on."

"Do you like me?" I ask, acting as though I hardly even notice his feelings of failure.

"Yes."

"You next Junko." I say, turning to point at her quickly.

"Yes sensei! My name is Saito Junko, and I want to be a doctor when I grow up! I want to help people, and I have no ninja training, and yes, I do like you very much!"

I pause, a little surprised at her unexpected but concise outburst. "Yes, thank you Junko. That was informative."

She smiles at me. I notice a bit of her lunch is stuck to her cheek. How adorable! I pretend to scratch my cheek to cover a smile.

Next is Mai. "And you Mai? Do you also want to be a doctor then?"

"Not quite sensei." she replies.

"What do you want then?"

"I want to be like you." she says.

"So you have ninja training then?"

She nods. Kenta speaks up then.

"She was in my class for a while. She did very well at the academy."

I nod. "She must have, to have made it this far at such a young age. You're all pretty smart you know, to be here at your ages." I tell them, understating it a little. They're all basically geniuses. I've come to realize that now, and even though I have more students than ninja teachers usually have, I know now that I have it easier than they do, teaching such smart, mature children. Now I can really sympathize with Kakashi, having to teach us when we were so little and… well, annoying.

Junko has her hand in the air, looking at me with an exited look on her face. She's biting her bottom lip so hard I'm afraid she's going to make herself bleed.

"Yes Junko?" I ask.

"I want to be like you too sensei." she says, exhaling happily. I try not to laugh at her, so as not to hurt her feelings. It wouldn't be a mean laugh, just because I find her to be so cute, but I'm not sure she would take it that way.

"But you said you have no ninja training."

"I know." she says, "I just meant that I want to be a teacher like you, not a medic, using chakra and all those things. I'm no good at those things."

I nod. "Well, taking all these things into consideration…" I shrug. "I guess I'll have to help you guys get what you want. And for that we need to get back to work soon."

"Wait a minute." Luo pipes up. He's been silent all long, as usual. I'll bet he fancies himself to be one of those strong silent types. "What about me?" he asks.

"What about you?"

"Aren't you going to ask me about my goals?"

I sigh, and shrug again. "Ok Luo. It's your turn now. What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Married." he replies with a grin. I raise an eyebrow at him, quite unimpressed with his answer.

"Oh? You think you'll be able to find someone who would marry you?"

He puts a hand to his heart and makes a mock hurt face. "Ouch. My heart, it hurts. Help me guys," he says, addressing the students, "you sensei has stabbed me in the heart! I might need to be operated on."

They laugh, and Junko even climbs on him and puts an ear to his chest. She backs off shaking her head, and looks at me.

"I think you've killed him sensei." she says gravely.

I can't help; I crack up. Then I shake my head, "You really shouldn't encourage him, Junko," I scold her. "He'll only get worse."

"She's right you know." Luo says, nodding.

"Really guys, it's time to get back to work." I say, after kicking him none too gently. "Seri is going to come after us soon. If you remember one thing I teach you, remember this: never make your supervisor look for you. Especially if your supervisor is Seri."

Later that day I'm the one looking for Seri. All the students have gone home for the day, so I figure it's time for that check up she told me to get.

I knock on the door to her office, but she doesn't answer, so I look in to see if she's actually not there or just not answering.

Seri isn't there, but there's a man and woman talking in her office. They're standing very close to each other, looking like they're about to jump each other actually. I open the door, and stare for about half a second before closing it again.

I turn away from the door, a little out of sorts. I've seen the two of them around before, just in the hospital, but I don't really know who they are. I don't know what they're doing with each other, alone in Seri's office, that's for sure.

Luo watches me as I stand outside the door, waiting. I don't know what I'm waiting for, but I have a feeling I should be waiting, and so I'm waiting.

Sure enough, I soon hear footsteps approaching, and Seri comes around the corner, and with her is the Kazekage.

Uh oh.

I don't know what to do. Should I warn the people inside? Delay Seri and Gaara maybe. Why did she have to come now? Part of me just wants to watch the look on their faces when Seri and Gaara walk in on those two; that would be classic. But that would also be mean.

I open the door again a little bit, knowing that I'm hidden from Seri's view by Luo and peek in on the two inside. They didn't seem to notice me last time, but they do when I open the door a second time.

"Just thought you might like to know Seri is coming." I tell them quietly, and then close the door again, just as Seri sees me.

"Ah, Sakura." she greets me. "Come for your check up?" she asks.

I eye Gaara, waiting for him to make fun of me, or acknowledge the fact that I too have to go for check ups, but he doesn't bat an eyelid. "Um... yes." I answer Seri. "I was actually just checking now to see if you were in, but you weren't in there, since, well, you're here."

Mentally I'm kicking myself. I sound like such an idiot! Gaara must be laughing at me now. He's doing it in his head, I'm sure of it.

Seri smiles. "Let's go in shall we? I just have a little matter to discuss with Gaara, but you can join us. It actually concerns you, so it's nice and convenient that you're here." And then she walks past me and opens the door before I can react.

I stand and look away, waiting for some reaction from Seri, but she just walks into her office. After a little bit of silence I look up. Gaara is standing beside me, waiting. Waiting for what I wonder.

He makes a small motion, showing me into the office, and I realize he's just waiting for me to go in. How… chivalrous?

I'm confused.

I walk in and take a seat, Gaara sits next to me, and Seri sits across from us, behind her desk. I look around surreptitiously. There's no sign of the other two at all. They must have escaped somehow.

"So, Sakura." Seri says, leaning forward with her elbows planted on her desk. I look nervously over at Gaara. For some reason this seating arrangement makes me feel like we're in couples counseling. "Recently three nins narrowly escaped death during an ambush in the desert. You were the one who brought them here, correct?"

I nod.

"And did they tell you who attacked them?"

I shake my head. "They could hardly speak when I found them."

Gaara frowns. I wonder if I've said something wrong, but I'm afraid to ask.

"You're probably wondering what this is about." Seri says, "But we just need to ask a few more questions."

"Sure."

"Just about their wounds, did they seem strange to you?" Seri asks.

I shrug. Gaara is staring at me now, and it's making me very self conscious. "There was a lot of blood, I couldn't really see…"

"But you knew." Seri said, not as a question. And she's right. I knew.

"Their wounds were genuine enough, if that's what you're asking." I say. "The blood was real. One of men had a long gash in his leg, and they all had suffered head wounds. The worst off was the man I carried back. He was stabbed in the stomach. His organs were damaged." I have a sudden thought. "Why? He's not dead is he? He should have been able to survive that wound in any case – none of his vital organs were damaged."

"He's alive." Seri said, "You don't need to worry about that. He's even started talking a little."

"And?"

"They told us who attacked them." Seri said.

"Who was it?" I ask, "Or are you not going to tell me?"

"They said it was ninja from the Leaf village." Seri said. "They told us they were wearing Leaf headbands."

I stare at her, in shock. "That's impossible." I say at last. And I know it is impossible. "We can hardly even protect ourselves in our own country, let alone come out here to attack others. We just don't have the resources at this time to start a war. And that's completely ignoring the treaties we've signed with your country." I turn to Gaara. "With your country, that is."

He nods. "We know that." he says. When he doesn't say anything else I turn back to Seri.

"So… what?"

She sighs. "I'm the only one they've talked to yet." she tells me. "No one else knows about this. But I don't know how long we can keep this from everyone. I've told them not to tell anyone else just yet, that I wanted to discuss this with the Kazekage and others before it became public knowledge, and they've agreed. We can't believe them true, but we can't disprove them either, unless we can prove there's something wrong with them."

"There is." Gaara says fiercely. I stare at him a little, surprised by his intensity.

"We can't prove anything." Seri says practically. "There's no way to prove that they're lying. They're not under the influence of any jutsu that we can see, so what can we do?"

She shrugs. "Keep it quiet." I say. "Give us a little more time to figure it out. There's got to be something we can do."

Seri nods. Gaara stands. "I have to go to a meeting now." he says. "We will talk later." And then he leaves. I watch Seri for a little while, wondering what to say, what to do.

"So…" I suggest, "Maybe we should do that check up some other time."

Seri had been staring into space, but at my comment she focused in on me. "Oh no, you won't get out of it that easily. You're getting a check up right now, no matter how much you don't like it."


	16. 15

After Seri's check up, after which she declared me to be fine, only not getting enough sleep (go figure) Luo and I walk back to the embassy.

"Look Luo…" I start on the way there, determined to at last make peace with him.

"Hm?"

"There's no way I'm getting rid of you while you're here, so we might as well be friends right?"

He glances at me, his eyebrow raised. "You don't like me?"

"I like you fine. We just didn't get off on a very good foot."

"Ah yes. The feet." He says, nodding knowingly. I roll my eyes at him. I don't think he could be serious if his life depended on it. And in our line of work our lives do depend on it.

"I'm trying to be nice. You should maybe stop making fun of me for at least a little while."

He makes a face. "I'm sorry. It's hard for me you know. It's second nature by now."

I glare at him a bit, but he just shrugs. "Ok, so maybe you should just be quiet for a little while."

He shrugs. "Ah. So you do like the strong silent type then?"

I sigh. This is so much harder than I wanted it to be. I stop talking and we walk in silence for a while.

"So are you attracted to me yet?" he asks after a while, and I elbow him in the gut. We walk along in silence again until we reach my room.

We stop outside the door.

"You know Sakura; you never asked me if I like you at lunch today."

"I guess I just got distracted." I say with a shrug. I turn to open my door.

"Aren't you going to ask me now?"

I turn back to him slowly. "You want me to ask you." I say slyly.

He shrugs.

I laugh quietly. "You want me to ask! You feel left out?" I smile wickedly at him. "In that case… I'm not going to ask you anymore. Goodnight Luo." I open the door and close it behind me.

I stand inside the door for a little while, thinking. Then I open the door again and peer out.

"Luo?" I call down the hall.

"What is it?" he asks, appearing almost mysteriously while my head is turned.

"You want to come in for noodles?"

"_This is a dream in which the dead speak."_

_This is a dream I really don't want to be having. I turn my head away, screw my eyes shut, but I can't block them out. My old team. And there's Lee, and Kakashi and all the others I've lost. Everyone anyone has ever lost surrounds me now, and I can't get away._

"_We don't blame you." Someone says. It's the forgiveness of the dead. It's easy to forgive when you're dead._

"_But we miss you."_

"_I miss you."_

"_I loved you in life, as well as I love you in death."_

"_We thought you were coming."_

"_Why did you leave us?"_

_I shake my head, crouch on the ground. I try to keep them out, not to hear them, see them, but even with my eyes closed I can see them, silhouettes burning brightly against my eyelids. Even with my ears plugged I can hear them, their voices inside my head._

"_Please come back to us."_

"_No."_

_I look up. I know that voice, screaming no in my brain. I know it and yet…_

_I stand and try to move towards it. The only one I can't see is the only one I want to see._

"_She has more to do."_

_I open my mouth, try to call out to them, but no sounds will come. I try to push my way towards the voice, but the others all hold me back, telling me they love me. They remind me that it was easy when I was dead, that life is hard._

_And I hate them because I know they're right._

I come awake all at once, suddenly reaching full awareness. And I am aware all of a sudden that something is not right.

There's someone in my room.

"I have a favor to ask." he says, and I'm sure I've heard that voice before, just recently, but it escapes me. And then I realize who it is, standing in the shadows at the end of my bed.

Gaara of the Desert is in my bedroom.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I came to ask you to do something for me." he says calmly, as though this is perfectly normal.

I sit up. "What is it?" I ask, trying to play along.

"I need you to watch the wounded nin you saved. Make friends with them if you can, or only one even."

"You want me to expose them?"

"If you can. If you could just keep them quiet somehow, that would be enough."

"Any one in particular?"

He shrugs. "It doesn't matter. I would suggest the man now in intensive care though. Asano Takeo. But really, it doesn't matter."

"Alright." I sigh quietly. Here's one more thing for me to worry about. One more responsibility, one more something to avoid screwing up.

"I know we ask a lot of you." he says, as though he's read my mind. "But it's only because we know you can handle it."

"You're the same age as me," I grumble, "so you can spare me the pep talk."

"Does it bother you?" he asks.

"No," I answer, surprised that he would even ask such a thing. "It's just weird, coming from you especially. You never seemed like the type."

He nods and then falls silent for a long time. I wonder what he's doing, or if he's left already and I missed it, but sure enough he speaks again.

"Were you dreaming?" he asks.

"Um… why do you ask?"

"You were talking in your sleep."

I blush in the darkness. Please let him not see. "Oh well, yes actually I was dreaming."

"Hn."

I wait for him to say something else, but he just stands there, scaring me, though I'm sure he doesn't mean to. I hope he doesn't mean to.

"So do you often visit ambassadors in the middle of the night like this?" I ask, unable to bear the silence anymore.

"No. Just you."

I suppress a nervous giggle at his comment. Too funny, especially if taken in the wrong context. "And why did you come here at this hour?" I ask, to cover my nervousness. "Couldn't you have asked me during daylight hours?"

He cocks his head to the side, as if I've said something very strange. "I was busy before." he says simply. How can he make this situation seem so rational, when everything about it is crazy?

"Oh ok…" I say, and, unable to think of anything else to say, I join in on his silence again.

"Thank you for doing this." he says at last. His eyes seem to glow in the darkness as he talks. "There must not be war between us." He says quietly, and then disappears, leaving me in the dark room, alone at last.

I sigh deeply, relieving even more tension then I had realized from inside of me. I lie back on my bed and stare at the roof for a while, unable to sleep. Seri told me today I needed more sleep, but how can she expect me to sleep with everything that's going on?

'War between us.' he said. For some reason there's this small part of me that has taken that comment so personally. She smiles, and tells me he likes me, but I tell her to shut up.


	17. 16

The next morning I go to the hospital early to visit Takeo, definitely not at my best, having not slept at all last night. I kept thinking about Gaara, wondering how to go about this thing, wondering what he meant. I just can't decide.

I ask to visit Takeo, but though the nurses let me through, by now recognizing me, he's not awake when I get there.

"He was awake last night." The nurse watching him tells me. "Maybe you'd like to come back later to check on him."

I nod, but instead of leaving I sit and watch him for a while longer.

I can't see much of him, as he's almost completely wrapped in bandages, but as far as I can tell he doesn't look out of the ordinary. Though what could be defined as ordinary is beyond me.

He looks so harmless.

The monitor beeps continually and regularly. It's a sound I've grown accustomed to in my years working in hospitals. Sometimes I hear even when I'm not anywhere near one.

Luo stands outside the room and watches me sitting beside Takeo.

When it's time for class I stand up and leave the room. Outside I see a man and woman standing beside Luo, watching Takeo. They don't look up at me, but their faces look vaguely familiar for some reason.

As we walk away I ask Luo who they were.

He shrugs. "I don't know. I never asked."

I frown a little, trying to remember but it escapes me. And then we've reached the meeting place and it's time for lessons.

After lessons I go back to Takeo's room. He's awake. For a while I stand outside and watch him. He's eating of a tray the nurse has brought him; he seems to be finding it difficult. She's talking to him, asking questions it looks like, and pretends not to notice his difficulty. She must nurse ninjas a lot; she must know how much it pains us to be unable to do something.

At last I knock on the door and enter.

"Ah!" the nurse exclaims as she looks up. "You're back. Good. Takeo, this is Sakura Haruno."

He looks at me with a curious look in his eyes. "Seri's told me all about you," he says, "but I expected you to be a little, well, scarier I guess. Seri really seems to like you."

I smile despite myself. I suppose you'd have to be scary for Seri to like you. "I think one scary medic is enough per hospital."

The nurse leaves us alone, and for a while I just watch him eating. His concentration is so absorbed in lifting a spoon that he hardly seems to notice me until he finishes.

"I never got the chance to thank you for saving us." he says at last, putting down the spoon. "So thank you."

"Anyone would have done the same." I answer.

"I'm not so sure."

"How are the other two?" I ask eager to change the subject. I'm not interested in discussing people's moral value with this man, especially if he's done what I've been told he's done.

"They're doing fine. Pretty soon they'll be asking for new missions." He answers, and laughs. "Too bad I'll still be stuck in bed. They might have to find a replacement." He falls silent, his eyes staring at the wall, his jaw clenched. He looks so sad, so frustrated. I know that look. I just wish I didn't.

"I bet you'll be fine in no time." I say cheerfully, a little fake sounding to my ears.

"Thanks." He smiles at me, and with the sun shining in through the window behind his head he almost looks like an angel.

I shake my head, trying to clear the image out of my mind.

"So how has Suna been treating you?" he asks.

We talk for a while, a long time actually. He's nearly as talkative as Watanabe, and just as easy to talk to. I find myself liking him, even though I should know better. He's just so friendly; in a way he reminds me of Naruto. His eyes are blue, just like Naruto's, and I'm filled with this silly sentimental feeling in my chest.

It seems like only moments later that I look up and the sun is setting already.

"I'm sorry." I say, standing to leave. "I shouldn't have kept you awake so long. You should get your rest so you can get better."

"I don't mind at all." he watches me leave and then when I'm at the door he calls my name. "Sakura. If… If you wouldn't mind, I'd like it if you came again to see me. I get kind of bored sometimes, here alone."

I smile and nod, then wave as I leave. When we're outside I ask his nurse if anyone else ever visits him.

"His team comes to check up on him every day," she tells me, "although they don't always go in and talk to him. It's hard on them, to see him like this."

I nod sympathetically and ask if that's who was watching him earlier today when I was sitting with him. She nods, and I thank her then leave.

That night I lead Luo out for a run around the city. I keep to the outskirts, so that I can't get lost in the streets. I wouldn't actually get lost; I've already got the city's streets memorized, but right now I don't have room to be thinking about streets as well as everything else on my mind.

I don't know what I can do about Takeo. Or why Gaara suggested I befriend him. Does he think Takeo is the leader of the three or something? It seems to me that Takeo is a prisoner already, so why should I have to watch him? Now I have an uncomfortable feeling about this whole situation, after spending an afternoon with the man. I kind of want to ask Gaara to forget I ever agreed to it, to just let me drop it. But I can't do that. I don't know if Gaara would understand, and besides, I don't want to give up. Not like this.

I'm sure there's something about those other two, if only I could remember.


	18. 17

I wake up in the middle of night, disturbed. I slept only fitfully and never long enough to dream. Everything feels wrong somehow, and there's something I'm missing, I know. What is it?

I get out of bed and sneak out the window to the desert. It's different at night. It's cold, and yet somehow it feels more inviting than it does during the day. It seems almost magical.

I remove my shoes and walk barefoot in the sand, walking in a straight line away from the city. The sky is clear and the moon and stars light the desert with a bluish glow.

I stop and look back to see my footprints, leading up to my feet in a straight line behind me. They're not fading or blowing away. Maybe I'm safe tonight.

As soon as the thought crosses my mind I notice a figure in the distance. It seems to be getting closer too. I drop down into a fighting stance, just in case.

When it's close enough for me to see, I realize that it's Gaara. Well, I'm not quite sure, but judging from the cloud of sand he seems to be riding on, I assume its Gaara. But to be sure, I concentrate a bit of chakra in my eyes so that I can see better. It acts as a sort of telescope, confirming my assumption. I also realize now that he's not coming towards me; in fact he doesn't even notice me, or if he has he's ignoring my presence.

So I follow him. From a distance of course, and I do a good job of it, because he never notices me. But then I wonder… Maybe he does notice me, and he expects me to follow him.

I follow him anyway.

He seems to be wandering without aim through the desert. He travels quickly, and I have to run to keep up with him. I suppose it must be very easy for him – to float around on a cloud of sand everywhere. But by the time I wish I had never thought of following him it's too late, and we've traveled too far from the city for me to be able to find my way back. I just hope Gaara has to get back to the city in time for my lessons.

We reach an oasis, and he stops for a little while. He seems to be searching for something, but after a while he gives up. He looks up at the sky then, and apparently he sees something that means something to him because he moves on now with renewed vigor.

It's only when the city comes into view that I realize what it was he saw. He saw it was time to go back. Lucky for me; the moon has nearly set by the time I get back into the city. I manage to sneak in to my room again without being noticed, and then I lay in bed, unable to sleep until it's time for me to get up and go to work again.

I know I should really listen to Seri's advice, but it isn't easy when mysterious things are going on.

Luo walks with me to the hospital, and this morning we actually talk. When I think back I can't remember a thing we talked about. Little nothing topics that are fun and captivating when you're talking about them, but impossible to remember later. I'm just glad we can get along now. I think it helps that I've been feeding him, and I'm not a bad cook.

Maybe I can get a job at Kenta's restaurant when I'm old and no longer able to run around like I do now. Wouldn't that be nice?

I sigh deeply. I'm hopeless.

"Something wrong?" Luo asks. I shrug, and I'm spared having to give him any more of an answer by Junko, who comes running up to me, very excited for some reason.

"Sensei! Sensei! Is it true that you can peel off burnt skin and make new skin underneath?"

"Well, sort of…" I answer, wondering why she would ask something like that. She knows all about the effects of burns. It's rather basic knowledge for someone as smart as Junko.

She turns to Kenta and sticks out her tongue. "See! I told you she could do it!" She turns back to me, smiling widely. "I'll bet you could fix a burn victim right up in no time! What, like, ten minutes?"

I realize what she means then. I shake my head. "It doesn't work that way." I tell her, and she looks so disappointed I feel bad. "Well, not exactly. I mean, I could do that, but it would be an enormous waste of chakra, and besides which, sometimes it's better for the body to do real healing on its own."

Junko still looks unimpressed. No doubt she feels that way because of the mundane nature of bodies. Or what she believes to be mundane. Really, human bodies are amazing things. Their regenerative capabilities are something else, to be sure. I always end up thinking about Naruto's body in these cases, but his body was different. It was amazing in a different way. Amazing that it could stand up to everything he threw at it, as well as being able to house the fox demon as it did.

I laugh as I realize that my students have been speaking to me, while I've heard nothing. What good does it do me to think about those things now? I have my own responsibilities and duties here and now, and they're quite enough to keep me busy.


	19. 18

I visit Takeo again after work that night. He's just as friendly as the other day, but he seems so tired today. It doesn't really make sense; he should be getting better, but I never really get the chance to look at him closely enough to determine anything. I shouldn't really be inspecting him anyway; I'm sure his doctors do a fine job of taking care of him. It's the perfectionist in me that won't let it go.

I only stay a little while today, since he's too tired to stay awake anyway. At one point while we were talking he dozed right off in the middle of a sentence. He woke up again moments later, embarrassed and apologizing for having fallen asleep. I tell him it's fine, that I understand, but there's something I don't understand.

When he fell asleep he looked so peaceful, so innocent. I don't understand how someone who has falsely accused a country of treasonous actions, who is trying to start a war, can look so innocent. How can he even talk to me like this if it's true?

I don't understand.

As I'm leaving I meet his partners on their way in to see him. They're talking with is nurse, and as I get near them I can hear her telling them they shouldn't bother him now.

"He's very tired," she tells them, "so please come back later, or just wait outside if you'd rather. It would be best not to wake him now."

The woman frowns and puts her hand to her face, an almost delicate gesture that seems out of place on a ninja. She turns to the man with her, and leans into him to say something quietly. He leans towards her as well, and they confer in quiet tones.

That's when it clicks. I realize where I've seen them before.

They both turn towards me at that moment, in perfect synchronization. I nearly cry out, the effect it produces is so unnerving. Somehow though, I manage to keep my composure and nod to them calmly.

The woman smiles thinly and walks towards me, but the man stays behind her, watching me with an unreadable expression.

"You're Sakura Haruno aren't you?" she asks me.

I nod. "I don't believe we've had the pleasure of meeting before." I say, holding out my hand.

She shakes my head, but without much force. "No we haven't. My name is Kimura Amaya, and he's Sato Rei." She indicates the man behind her with a tilt of the head. "We're Takeo's teammates. I've seen you visiting him before haven't I?"

"Yes. I came by yesterday to see how he was doing."

"That's very kind of you." she says, "We never really got the chance to thank you for saving us. We would probably have died if you hadn't found us and brought us here so quickly. I know Takeo would never have made it." She looked down t her toes as she spoke about Takeo, and I half expected her to start crying. "You really did save us."

I'm tempted to agree with her, to throw it in her face, and tell her she owes me. Takeo at least is a good actor, if that's what this is about, but I just don't buy what this woman is trying to sell me. "Please, it was your doctor who had to do all the real work." I answer. I would much rather be walking out the door right now, but I put on my best face.

"I really don't know what we would have done without you." she says again. If I didn't know better I would have been so convinced of her sincerity at this moment. An involuntary shudder shakes my body. "Are you ok?" She asks.

"I'm fine." I say, turning so that I can get past her better. "I just had a sudden chill. I'm not used to this heat, you know, it still gets to me."

"You take care of yourself." She tells me. I nod and wave goodbye and then get out of there as quickly as I can without looking suspicious.

Once I'm out of sight I hurry to Seri's office as quickly as I can. I knock on the door and walk in without really waiting for an answer.

Seri looks up at me from her papers, but she hardly looks surprised at my sudden intrusion. She actually just goes back to whatever she was looking at before I barged in after murmuring a quiet 'hello' to me.

I stand by the door a moment to organize my thoughts, deciding the best, most sane way to tell her what I know. I realize as I'm standing there that she's not actually writing anything; she's looking for something.

"Is there something missing?" I ask.

She looks up at me, frowning, and nods. "How did you know?"

"A few days ago, when I was here for my check up," I start, and she makes a small noise, as though she has something to add to that, but I plow right on. "I walked into your office before you got there. You saw me coming out." She nods, and I tell her what I saw there, and what I've finally realized. "Those two in your office, it was Takeo's teammates. I thought they were… well, that doesn't matter now, because they must have been looking for something – for whatever you're missing." I finish, proud of myself for putting the pieces together like I did. If that isn't enough to get them, I don't know what more I'll have to do.

Seri stares at me in silence for a little while. "You're telling me they stole my coffee mug?" she asks.

"Your coffee cup?" I repeat in disbelief. How could that be? I've just made a complete fool of myself, haven't I? I sink into the chair across from Seri's desk, completely deflated. "But I thought…"

"Well, even if they didn't steal my coffee cup, and though I do wonder where it went, it is very interesting that you should have walked in on them in my office. I wonder, what could they have been doing?" She asks, stroking her chin thoughtfully. I would find the action comical, if I wasn't too depressed.

"I guess it was too perfect wasn't it?" I ask quietly, more to myself than Seri.

"Maybe." she says, answering my question anyway. "But maybe not. They could have been searching for something when you came in, and maybe you're the reason they didn't get it. And maybe they did take my mug. It is a very nice mug."

"How can you joke about something like this?" I ask, annoyed with her for making light of the situation, though really I guess I'm feeling more annoyed at myself for making myself look so stupid. That's what really causes me to lash out at her, I think. "This is a serious situation; we could be facing a war, and yet you sit there and crack jokes about your coffee mug!"

She doesn't say anything. She just looks at me levelly for a while, and then she sighs. "The sad part is that you could very well be right. This is a serious situation," she says, and then looks at me, pouting, "but that is no good excuse to yell at me. I don't function well without coffee. It's important to me, even if you don't care about it."

I sigh, and rub my eyes. "I'm sorry Seri. I'm just… I'm frustrated, and I'm tired. And I'm worried too. I don't want any of this to be happening. I keep thinking that it can't be real, the last few months; they can't really have happened. But they have." I nearly start crying as I realize the truth of my words. Everything that's happened; it's real. Everything. "And I wish it wasn't."


	20. 19

A couple of days later I'm surprised to find myself once again in a small room with a shirtless Kazekage. Only one week and he's back for another check up? He must really like me.

If only that were the case. Wait. If only…? What am I thinking?

Luo woke me early this morning, saying that he had received a visit from the ever lovable Seri (I swear he said it just like that) and that I was to go in early this morning. So I headed on over to the hospital, where I was once again directed to this room, and when I opened the door, lo and behold, there was Gaara, sitting on the table waiting patiently for my arrival.

I admit I stared at him a bit. But only as much as he stared at me, not even really. Gaara has an unnerving habit of staring at people.

"What are you doing back?" I asked, "We already did a check up just a week ago. Somehow I doubt you could have gotten anything since then." I didn't say what I really thought; that I doubt there's anything he could have gotten at all.

"I'm not sick." He said simply. I still didn't move from the doorway. "It's just a precaution. My ministers make me get a check up every week, to make sure I haven't been poisoned or anything, I guess."

I nodded. By 'ministers', no doubt he meant Temari. I shrugged and decided I might as well do the check up then. No wonder Seri had no time to be taking care of the Kazekage, if he needed this much taking care of.

"It probably wouldn't work you know." he says quietly, as I'm listening to his heartbeat through his chest. It's still there, thumping away rhythmically. I've always liked the sound of hearts; it comforts me somehow.

"Hm?"

"A poison. I doubt there's any poison that could kill me." He says. He sounds almost bitter, angry even. "But there could still be poison in my bloodstream, I've been told, so I should get my blood checked. They don't want me to get sick, they say."

"Gaara." I say gently. He looks up at me, frowning for some reason I can only guess at.

"What?"

"Maybe you don't like coming here, and getting check ups so often, but…" My voice trails off, as his expression changes, until he looks positively livid. He sits up very straight, and I think I've said something, and now he's going to kill me, but he just tilts his head to the side then, as if listening to something. I try to listen too, but I can't hear anything.

"What is it?" I ask.

He looks at me, as if he had forgotten I was there, and then he gets up suddenly and pulls his shirt on. "Follow me." I do as he says, following him as he stalks out of the hospital and out through the streets. Once we get outside he jumps to the rooftops and we start to run.

"Where are we going?" Luo asks. I shrug, as well as anyone can shrug while running full out, that is.

"There's an attack." Gaara answers, just ahead of us. "I can't let them get away."

I stare at the back of his head, wondering how the hell he knows this. And wondering why he told me to follow him when it's obvious he plans to do everything, whatever that is, by himself. I know perfectly well that he doesn't need help, not from me, and not from Luo.

It seems that hardly any time has passed and then suddenly we're running across sands. It's harder to run on the sand, as it sinks softly under my heels, but Gaara doesn't seem to have any trouble running on the sand, and he quickly pulls ahead. I concentrate my chakra in my heels, but it only helps so much. There's no way I can keep up with Gaara. Luo falls behind with me, and not out of kindness.

"We'll catch up." He says, sounding very sure of it. "I don't think the Kazekage is the type to run towards danger in anything but a straight line."

I nod, keeping my eyes fixed forward. That's where he is, that's where this attack is.

When we get there Gaara is fighting. There are two bodies lying nearby; as far as I can tell they're dead, and Gaara is fighting the third member now.

He's covered in a dome of sand, but to my eyes it doesn't look right, not like his usual shield. The one he's got now is much wider, with enough space in it for several persons. I stand away for a moment, trying to figure out what's going, and in that moment Luo leaps past me.

It's the first time I've actually seen Luo in action, and I'm kind of surprised to see how good he really is. Or how good he might be if faced with a real challenge. He quickly takes of the man attacking Gaara's shell. I still can't figure that out. I'm sure Gaara can't have changed so much that he wouldn't even have been fighting back.

"Leave him alive." Gaara's voice rings out across the emptiness, and the eerie silence in which the battle was fought. Now that I think of it, there was no sound. It was completely silent until this moment.

He broke the spell.

Luo looks at Gaara quickly, while still holding the man underneath him, and at that moment the man makes his move. He pushes Luo back and starts making hand signs, but he is quickly engulfed by sand. His hands go first, and I hear the sickening crunch of his bones being crushed in a fist of sand. The man still makes no sound. The sand spreads from his hands, up his arms and around his body until he is completely surrounded, except for his head which is left in the air, looking strange and naked above all that sand.

I look at Luo, but he looks fine and he is staring at the Kazekage. I follow his gaze. Gaara is glaring at the man in his cage with a look of absolute bloodlust. It's a look I haven't seen for a long time; a look we had thought was gone.

But, when I really saw him, I realized it was different. It wasn't quite the same, blind and open lust of younger years. This was surely Gaara, the man, but he was very angry.

And yet still that man was alive. I turned to look at him, to see how he was reacting, but he didn't look to be reacting at all. He was just staring down at Gaara, completely emotionless. He looked sort of dead. On his head he wore a ninja headband, and it was blank.

"Sakura."

I turned back towards Gaara at the sound of my name. He lets down the shield of sand, and I understand why it looked so strange. There, lying at his feet, is a woman, wearing the headband of a Suna ninja.

Without thinking I run over to her, to see if she's ok. Her breathing is shallow, and her body is in rough shape. I put a hand to her chest and listen. Her heart feels alright; it's just blood loss that has her systems slowing down. There's no damage to her heart, but some of her other organs will be needing treatment.

I look up at Gaara quickly. He's looking at the woman by his feet with a strange look in his eyes.

"Can you help her?" he asks.

I nod quickly and turn back to the woman. Gaara steps away as I lay her out gently, all the while concentrating my chakra. When it's ready I let it out, passing it into the strange woman, doing what I've been taught to do.

I let out a breath once the woman sucks in a deep breath and lets it all out again. She starts breathing normally, and so do I. This always happens to me; when I'm working I'll forget to breathe.

I lift the woman in my arms and turn to the other two. "Let's go."

Gaara nods. Luo is still watching him closely. I don't know what it is; maybe it's just because Gaara is the leader of his country. Whatever it is, I find Luo watching Gaara with such a peculiar expression; I don't know what to make of it. And truthfully, I don't think much of it; I've got other things on my mind.


	21. 20

"Miss Haruno."

I turn slowly, not quite sure if that's actually me being called. I don't think I've ever heard anyone call me 'miss' before. Well, it's been a long time anyway. My mother used to call me that when she was very angry with me.

Also I'm very tired. I'm afraid if I turned too quickly I would have fallen over.

"Have you been to see Takeo today?" It's Kimura, walking up to me, smiling in a friendly way. But I can see something behind that smile, something sinister. She knows.

"No not yet." I answer, trying to act normal. I tell myself I'm crazy. How can you she have any idea that I might be suspicious of her? She has absolutely no reason to think so. "But I was planning to go later today. Is he awake now?"

She shakes her head sadly. "Lately he seems so tired… I don't know what's going on with him, but he just doesn't seem to be getting any better. I worry about him."

I nod, but I just can't bring myself to try to comfort her. So I stand by awkwardly.

She looks up at me, and smiles a timid little smile. "I feel better knowing you're nearby though. It's like you're our guardian angel." She says. I feel a little sick. There's another woman somewhere in this city, lying unconscious while her organs heal, while she receives blood transfusions, because of the woman standing in front of me now.

Well, because of whatever organization she is part of anyway.

But I manage a smile somehow, and say goodbye as warmly as I can.

Once she is gone I turn to Luo. "I don't really feel like sticking around here until Takeo wakes up. Do you think he'll miss for one day?"

Luo shrugs. My shoulders sag a little as we walk away from the hospital, partly because I'm so tired, and partly because of my guilt. I should go see Takeo; I know he'll notice if I'm not there, after all, he told me so himself. But right now, I just can't handle it. I'm too drained.

"I just want to sleep." I tell Luo. He pats me on the back, none too gently, sending me stumbling forward a few steps.

"How about we get something to eat first?" He suggests. I agree, remembering Junko's advice about my diet.

We stop at a small restaurant for ramen. It was Luo's idea. He has no idea what it means to me, he couldn't, so I don't say anything; I just enjoy the meal. And it is good. When we're done I thank the owner for a delicious meal and we leave.

On the way to my room we meet Watanabe and his bodyguard.

"Sakura!" he calls me. I almost walked right past him. My vision at the moment was reduced to complete tunnel vision, and at the end of that tunnel was my bed. Nothing else mattered.

But once Watanabe stepped into the tunnel I couldn't ignore him. Besides which, I actually like Watanabe.

"How are you doing?" he asks.

"Just fine," I answer, "and you?"

"Good, good." he replies with a look over his shoulder at his bodyguard. I wonder at that. He turns back to me and smiles crookedly. "Though I don't feel like much of an ambassador, if you know what I mean."

I nod. "Oh, I understand completely. Seri has me working more than Tsunade ever did."

Watanabe laughs, and agrees. "Sakamoto is the same. A good man, of course, but demanding."

I smile. "You like it here." I say. It's not a question, I already know the answer.

He nods anyway. "Yeah I do. I mean, it's not the same as Konoha; it's not home, but it's nice all the same."

"You seem to me the type who would be happy anywhere he was." I tell him, making him laugh again.

"I guess you're right." he admits. He shrugs then and looks down the stairs then back to me. "Are you coming to dinner?" he asks.

"No, actually, I already ate. Luo took me to this really good ramen stand."

"Oh." Watanabe looks past me to Luo, who he just seems to have noticed. "Maybe someday you can show me where it is?" he asks. Luo just nods. It's funny, how differently he acts around different people.

I look from him to Watanabe. People can be so different, despite having backgrounds in the same thing. Both Luo and Watanabe have undergone shinobi training, but just be looking at them it's obvious that they are very different people.

Watanabe shrugs and he moves away. "I guess I'll see you around." he says then walks down the stairs, followed by his guard.

I watch them walking down the stairs and then walk the rest of the way to my room. I open the door, and let Luo in without even thinking.

"Did you see that look he gave her?" I ask him. "I think there's something going on there, don't you think?"

Luo shrugs. "It's quite possible. It's not unheard of you know." He sits down on the elegant couch arranged in front of the window, and I plop down beside him.

"That's not a real answer." I tell him, "What do you really think?"

He looks at me for a long moment. "I think she might have been encouraged to be friends with your friend. To get as close as she can."

I frown. "Are you saying that you guys are really spying on us?"

He shakes his head. "It's not that at all. Only that we want you to be as comfortable here in Suna as possible. And one way of doing that…" he lets his silence speak for itself. It doesn't take me much thought to realize what he's saying.

"Oh! But she must actually like him too, if she is doing that, right?"

He shrugs. "I don't know her all that well; I wouldn't know."

With a small noise of annoyance I sit back into the couch as deeply as it will allow. I'm trying to think of something to say to Luo when another thought suddenly occurs to me, and I sit bolt upright. "You weren't… encouraged as well, were you?" Memories of Temari run through my head. 'Isn't he yummy?' she said, wanting me to agree with her. I nearly burst out laughing at my thoughts.

Luo does laugh. "You really are gullible, aren't you Sakura?" he asks between laughs. "You believed every word of it, didn't you?"

I glare at him, pouting maybe just a little. "You dirty little liar." I accuse him, and push him off the couch, putting a little chakra in it, just enough to send him flying. He lands on the other side of them, staring at me wide eyed. "One of these days… I'm going to get you. And maybe you'll be expecting it now, but trust me; there is no way you'll be ready."

He looks up at me, the corners of his mouth twitching, and I can tell he's about to laugh at me again. So I kick him out the door and slam it in his face.

"You can talk to me again when you've decided to stop lying to me!" I yell through the door.

Luo is silent on the other side of the door and then after a moment I hear him say, "Lover's quarrel." through the door, in an explaining manner. I peek through the eyehole to see him shrugging at a passing couple.

"He's lying!" I yell childishly, and see the couple look at the door in surprise, and then hurry along. Luo turns back to the door, looks right at the eyehole, and laughs.

"You're a bastard." I tell him, just loud enough to be heard through the door and no louder. Then I leave him standing there.

"_I hate you."_

_I fall to my knees under the heavy truth of it. Of course he hates me. I guess I've always known it too. Sasuke._

"_Why can't you just leave me alone? You good for nothing."_

_Something in me rebels. It isn't true. He can hate me all he likes, but I can't stand a liar. "No!" I punch the ground with my fists, tearing it to shreds. My aim is true, and the fissures spread towards him, exploding upwards at him, showering him with stones. I am not good for nothing. I am not._

_When the dust settles he is gone, and I already regret what I've done. I never wanted to hurt him; I was just angry. And now I want him to come back, let me explain._

_I don't love him anymore. It's been a long time, hasn't it? But I could never let it go, I've always been afraid of letting go of the past._

_I look down at my feet, realizing that they're sinking. Underneath that tough exterior there was a layer of sand._

"_But no water." I murmur._

"_Good. You finally understand."_

_I look up sharply, surprised to see Sasuke back again. I stare at him and he stares back, then with a wave and a cruel smile he leaves. I try to run after him, but hands rise up from the sand and grab onto my ankles. I look down and see that the hands are made out of sand. Little mouths start to form from the sand._

"_Don't go." They say, they plead with me. "Please don't go after him. Stay with me. I need you. He'll be fine, but I won't. Please stay, my love."_

_And it's so strange, but I don't feel any horror or revulsion at the sight. Instead I kneel down and pat the hands reassuringly. "I won't leave you." I tell them, and the mouths form smiles at me. A hand rises up above the others to stroke my cheek gently._

'_Thank you…" It murmurs._

_Suddenly there is a loud noise behind me. I turn sharply to see what it is, but there is nothing there._

"_Wake now!" A small voice yells from the sand. "Live!"_

I start awake to see Luo standing over me, bleeding from a wound in his stomach. Instinctively I jump back, fumbling for any weapon at hand.

There are three other people in my bedroom, two men and a woman. It's too dark to see their faces, and in any case they're wearing masks.

For a moment, everything is still. And then Luo turns to me, slow and agonizing.

"I'm glad you're finally awake, sleepyhead." he says, and as he speaks blood trickles from his mouth. He coughs then, spewing blood over the floor and falls over.

It doesn't matter that I have no weapons then; I'll kill them without it. I turn to the two who attacked Luo, already imagining the horrible ways I will make them pay.

I know that look I saw in Gaara's eyes that day in the desert; I imagine the same look is in my eyes now. I'm going to kill these two.

Two of them come for me while the woman goes for Luo's still body. I launch myself off the wall and aim for her face, infusing my body with chakra, ready to set it off as soon as I touch her.

She manages to dodge my fist mostly, but I still hit her shoulder, and the force of my chakra pummeling her sends her flying across the room to hit the far wall with a crunch.  
She'll be down for a moment, enough time for me to take care of the other two. I swivel quickly and aim for the next man who jumps back just in time. I let my fist continue to his the ground, sending a tremor across the floor to explode at his feet. I don't wait for the dust to settle this time; I go in for the kill. My fist connects with his face, the mask cracking and falling away. I can feel bones crunch beneath my fingers, and it feels right.

I turn to find the other man struggling with the woman, who is trying to rise to her feet.

"There's nothing for us to do now; they'll be here soon. Let's go!"

I jump at them, ready to stop their escape. I can take them both out together, with them standing so close. But as I near them the man starts to make hand signs, and the woman steps out in front of him just as I'm about to hit him, saving him. He disappears in a smoke bomb, and a moment later everything is silent. It's an unnatural silence; the same silence from the desert, when Gaara fought those unknown ninjas. I turn and look for Luo, nearly falling over his body in the smoke. Once I'm sure I've found him I kneel by him and close my eyes, feeling for anyone else in the room. There are only us, and that woman, lying broken on the floor on the other side of the room. I wait, but the other two have gotten away. Still I wait. I don't know exactly what I'm waiting for anymore, but I know to wait. Something is telling me too.

I open my eyes and realize the smoke has cleared. Luo lets out a ragged breath underneath me, and I take the time to really look at him now.

The knife he was stabbed with still sticks out of his chest. Blood oozes out around it on to the floor. I pat his cheek, trying to get his attention, but his stare at the ceiling, unseeing.

"Come on Luo, stay with me. I can fix this if you just stay alive a little while longer." When he doesn't answer I think my heart is about to explode. I see tears falling off my face onto his sleeve, but I'm not really sure how they got there. "Wake up Luo!"

He blinks once, twice, and his eyes clear a little as he turns his head to focus on me. "Sakura? Why is it so cold? It's never cold…" He ends his sentence with a plutter, as blood froths out of his mouth.

But at least he is alive.

"Just stop talking for once." I tell him, not really thinking about what I'm saying as I focus my chakra. "I do like the silent type, ok? So just be quiet."

He stops talking, and I'm afraid he might be dead, but when I crack an eye open I can see that he is smiling weakly, and I find his heartbeat, weak and broken, but still there. And then I don't think anymore, I just do.

I have to pull out the knife and heal his chest at the same time; otherwise he'll bleed to death. He's already lost too much blood. But I can do that, and I do.

Once I've finished I look up and realize that we're not alone. There are people crowded into my bedroom, many of whom I don't even recognize. They must be staying here too, and wondered what all the noise was about. I try to stand, but my legs won't push me off the ground, so I fall forward a bit, barely catching myself. I guess I'm all spent for the moment. Not much I could do now.

I look up again and recognize some of the people who have pushed their way to the front. There's Watanabe and Temari and Ito looking down at me, all with strange looks on their faces. I want to ask, "Is there something on my face?" But it's too much effort. My limbs feel so heavy.

I wonder why no one will come near me. Some of them are just standing there, staring at me, while others mutter things I can't quite pick up. There's a woman sobbing in the back somewhere; I can't see her.

The crowd parts suddenly, and Gaara walks up to the front. At the sight of him I feel so relieved, though I'm not sure why exactly. He looks around the room, and then turns to the crowd and tells them to leave him. Everyone leaves, except for Temari, and a couple of ninjas wearing their headbands.

Gaara turns back to me, and motions for the ninja to take Luo away, without looking away from my face. I lean forward, try to tell them to be careful, make sure he gets straight to the hospital, but nothing comes out of me. Temari is on the other side of the room, looking at something on the ground. It must be that woman. I wonder if I killed her.

I try to stand again, and by bracing myself against the ruins of my bed I manage it. Once I'm on my feet I find it easier to face Gaara.

But he says nothing.

"You should come look at this." Temari says. I turn to look her way, but the movement throws me off and I tip forward. I try to grab something, but there's nothing for my fingers to catch.

It is Gaara who ends up catching me. He holds me for only a moment before setting me down on a chair that has somehow managed to remain intact.

"We'll take care of this now." He tells me. I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders with those words. I sigh, and smile, wondering how Gaara manages to be so reassuring now, when the thought of him used to terrify me.

My eyes drift shut and I manage to open them only one more time before I fall asleep. In that short moment I see Gaara walking over to Temari, standing above that woman. Or what is left of her. I can see bones sticking out of skin, and blood everywhere. It looks like a scene from a horror movie.

I close my eyes. I don't want to open them again. As I lose my grip on consciousness I hear Temari's voice one last time.

"But… she's still breathing…"


	22. 21

I wake up in a hospital room. I recognize it before I even open my eyes, from the smell and the constant beeping noise from the monitors. I wish I could go back to sleep; this is not where I want to be.

Instead I open my eyes. The room is dark. I look around and see that I don't have a private room; there's a bed next to mine, half hidden behind a curtain.

I sit up stiffly, my body protesting at every move I make. I ignore it though. I don't need to be in the hospital, just in bed. I just spent too much chakra; I just need to rest and recover my strength a bit. I don't need a hospital.

I get out of bed, and do a few stretches, despite the pain in my body. I tell myself that once I'm done my body will feel much better anyway. And it does feel a little better. Enough for me to stand and move to the window.

The curtains are drawn shut, but a little light comes through the cracks between them. It's probably daylight outside, but someone has drawn the curtains. I pull them open to let the sun shine in, and let out a small gasp.

Sand swirls around violently just outside the window, battering against the window as if it intends to get inside. I can't see anything past the window, except sand. I shut the curtains again and walk back to my bed.

Once I get to it I don't lie down again. Instead I stand for a little while, considering the storm outside. I've never seen a sandstorm before, and now, to be inside of one...

How can the city deal with a sandstorm? Won't it be destroyed?

I shake my head at myself. Obviously Suna must have some way of dealing with sandstorms, or it wouldn't be here anymore. They're probably used to storms like this.

I walk past my bed to the other side of the room. I'm not eager to get back into that thing.

I never make it to the other side of the room, as I see who it is in the bed next to mine.

Luo.

He's laying on the bed, unconscious, but that's to be expected. It takes a lot out of me to heal a person, but it takes a lot out of them too. The materials needed to heal someone have to come from their body.

"Oh Luo! I'm glad you made it here!" I say, a bit too loudly. I pull a chair over and sit beside him, and talk in quieter tones. "It was stupid of you to nearly get yourself killed for me like you did. I was about to wake up anyway…"

My voice trails off into silence, as my throat closes on me and I can't go on. I try not to cry, but it's never been a strong point of mine, and I end up breaking done anyway. "I'm so sorry." I tell him, sobbing. "If it weren't for me… I wish you would just mind your own business. And I'm sorry for yelling at you. I don't really mind if you lie to me, not too much. I'm just glad you're alive. If I had lost you too… I couldn't do it, not again."

"Sensei!"

I wake up slowly, lifting my head up from my arms. I blink groggily, getting my bearings, and realize with embarrassment that I've fallen asleep leaning on Luo's bed. When I turn around Junko and Kenta are watching me from the door.

"Are you ok now?" Kenta asks.

I nod, and Junko rushes forward to hug me. I return her hug gratefully.

"We came by before, but you were unconscious." Kenta says, still standing behind Junko, a little awkwardly.

"I was so scared sensei." Junko whispers to me. I see with a pang that she has tears welling in the corners of her eyes. "I didn't want you to die."

I smile and give her another squeeze. "I'm fine. I was just really tired, that's all."

"You must have been tired!" she exclaims, "You slept for two whole days nearly!"

I blink at her for a while. Then I look over her shoulder at Kenta. "Is this true?" I ask him.

He nods. "But it's ok, because the storm started soon after you were brought here, and there's nothing much to do when a storm hits the city."

Junko peeks around my shoulder at Luo. "What about him? Shouldn't he be awake by now too?"

I shrug and look at Luo with her. I hate seeing him just lying there. "It's difficult to tell how long it will take someone to wake up after a serious injury like he had. Everyone needs to recover in their own time."

I look back at Junko to see her gazing up at me adoringly. Kenta is staring at me too.

"You healed him didn't you sensei?" Junko asks. Without waiting for an answer she goes on. "I can't believe you can actually do that! It's so neat! And yet, with your skills you can do with your will what we could never do with all of our science."

I'm not sure what I should tell her, or how to take this. Should I tell her not to give up? Or maybe just thank her for the praise?

Fortunately she doesn't seem to need an answer. She plops herself down on a chair and sighs loudly, then smiles at me, mouthing the word 'cool'. I smile back at her.

"Mai and Asuka came by with us last time to see you, but they couldn't come today. Asuka made you a card." Kenta says, and holds out the card to me.

It's blank on the outside, but inside she's drawn me a little picture of myself, and a flower. '_I'm sorry I'm not good at drawing, but I promise to work hard when you get better sensei. I hope it's soon._' she wrote on the inside, in neat writing. Her writing is really quite pretty.

"Will you thank her for me next time you see her?" I ask, and Kenta nods.

I spend the afternoon with the two of them. A nurse comes in and brings me lunch, and I share it with them. Moments later the same nurse appeared with more food for Junko and Kenta and we laughed. It felt good to laugh, even though it hurt my still sore body.

Once they leave my mood grows somber. I look over at Luo in his bed. Why did this happen?

There isn't much for me to do, so I go back to sleep, or at least, I try to. I just can't get it to work though, and I lay there with my eyes closed for what feels like hours, trying to sleep.

I sit up when I hear the door open and close, and look to see who it is. Seri walks in with my dinner.

"Oh goody. More cafeteria food." I mutter as she comes toward me.

"I got you the good stuff." she says, setting it down on my lap. "Or at least, the less awful stuff."

I thank her and dig in. Despite having not done much of anything all day I'm still very hungry. "So what brings you to my room?" I ask between mouthfuls.

"I just came to see how you were doing." she says. When I eye her skeptically she sighs and shrugs helplessly. "Oh how suspicious you are. I'm hurt, really."

"Spill it." I order her.

She grins. "And can you believe that I used to think I was the one in charge around here?" She asks. I just wait for her to talk. I know she will. She sighs again at last. "Alright, you got me. I do have other motives for coming here. I just want you to know before I start that I would have come to see you anyway."

"Gee thanks."

She shakes her head at me, and then she grows serious. "We're still sorting things out but… Do you want to hear about the attack?"

I nod. "Please. I can hardly remember it now actually. My memory is all fuzzy and when I try to think of it just sort of… slips away."

"We discovered the identity of the three who tried to kill you." she tells me. "You remember those three shinobi you brought here after they were ambushed? Well it was them, except for Takeo of course, because he was still in his hospital bed, unable to act. They first broke out their friend, the man Gaara captured just recently and then went to kill you, as far as we can tell."

I can feel a chill spreading up my spine. I remember everything so clearly now. The attack, Luo, that woman, the smoke bomb, and afterwards being there with Gaara and Temari, and that broken body, and the blood, through all of it, I remember now.

"Is she still alive?" I ask quietly, not sure of the answer I want to hear.

When Seri nods I'm filled with conflicting emotions. On the one hand, regret and anger, wishing that she was dead, knowing that she deserved it. But another part of me is almost relieved to know that she's alive, that I didn't kill her. The calculating part of my brain tells she'll be much more useful now, and that it is better this way, for judicial reasons.

"So what's being done?"

"Right now the woman is here in the hospital, in a coma, but still under surveillance. Takeo is being held as well. Once she regains consciousness there will be a trial to decide their punishment. The Kazekage is planning to try them with utmost severity."

I look down at my hands, lying on my lap. It is the right thing; the right way to go about this thing. So then why do I still have this sick feeling in my gut?


	23. 22

The next day Seri decides that I'm ok, and that I can go. I'm so happy about the decision that I almost forget that I have no where to go back to. Almost.

When I mention it to Seri she suddenly slaps her forehead and tells me to go to her office. "I almost forgot! Sorry, but I don't have time to go with you." And then she hurries away.

I shrug and take the elevator down to the main floor. My muscles still feel a little sore, but otherwise I'm feeling much better now. When I reach Seri's office I open the door cautiously, just in case. Who knows what or who could be waiting for me on the other side.

Temari swivels in her chair and looks up at me, looking slightly annoyed. "There you are," she says, "I was wondering when Seri was going to decide to send you to see me. No doubt it slipped her mind."

I shut the door behind me and walk over to her. "Yes. Sorry to keep you waiting."

Temari waves my apology away. "That's fine. It's kind of nice these days to get the chance to relax for a couple minutes." She stands and asks me how I'm feeling.

"Fine. This little visit to the hospital wasn't really necessary."

Temari raises her eyebrows at me. "You think so? I'm pretty sure you almost killed yourself that night. I've never seen anyone so…" She looks away for a moment, and then shrugs. "Well anyway, if you hadn't come to the hospital, you would never have gotten that ride in Gaara's arms." She grins wickedly at me, and walks out of the office. I follow closely behind.

"What? Are you telling me that he carried me here?"

Temari shrugs. "I guess you don't remember it then. That's too bad; it was very romantic."

I can't help but laugh at that. "Have you recently been hit in the head? Or are you just crazy? Somehow I doubt it was romantic in the least."

She turns to look at me and smiles. "You're right. He just slung you over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes and dropped you in the emergency room. It was very practical and efficient really. What any leader would be expected to do with an esteemed guest. Definitely not romantic."

For some reason hearing her say that makes me feel disappointed. Now why the hell should that be? I hide my disappointment, and follow her to the elevator. "Where are we going?" I ask.

Temari pushes the down button. "We're getting out of here. I'll take you back to the embassy; we've moved you into a different room, since the last one we gave you was destroyed." She looks at me and smiles crookedly as we get into the elevator. "Did you have to be so destructive with it? Do you know what insurance costs on a building like that?"

I just shrug. In truth, I don't really want to think of that room anymore. I think Temari realizes this, because she changes the subject.

"Classes have been cancelled for a while, probably just until this storm passes. This is the longest we've had a storm in Suna, you know."

"So how are we getting to the embassy then?"

Temari waits for the door to open, and walks out. "This way of course."

I look around, not really getting this 'explanation' of hers. We're in a long corridor, lit at regular intervals with soft lights. I follow her as she walks down the hall. We soon reach a crossroads, and I see that there is a signpost up at the intersection. Temari keeps walking past it.

As we get further away from the hospital we start to meet people, going their own way through the tunnels. So this is how they deal with sandstorms. Neat.

"It is neat, isn't it?" Temari asks, and I realize that I've spoken aloud. "But no one from outside of the city is really supposed about know about it."

"Are you kidding me?"

She leans her head to the side, looking pained. "No not really. It's not actually a rule or anything, but we just don't make it widely known that we have an underground system like this. I'm sure you can understand why."

I nod gravely. I can see how important these tunnels are, and how important they would be in a war situation, or something of the like.

"But I think we can trust you," Temari continues, "considering all that you've done for our country."

"And I'm not even a real ambassador." I mutter to myself.

Temari laughs. "You're so much better than that."

We've reached our destination, and we take another elevator up. When the doors open we step out into the lobby of the embassy. Temari walks me to my room, in a different wing. I feel like they've put me as far away from the last room as possible, and that's probably just what they did.

"So please, don't spread our secret around. If you do, we'll know it's you, and we will come for you." she says smilingly, but I get the feeling that it just might be true.

"Ok. Thank you Temari."

"No problem. While this sandstorm is going there's not much you can do, so you might as well relax. Also, we're going to need you to stay in the embassy, along with all the other ambassadors until the storm is over now. Just to be fair."

I nod and we say goodbye. I may not have much to do during this storm, but Temari is as busy as ever.

My new room is bigger than the last one, not much, but still bigger. I don't like it nearly as much as the last one. I guess that it was probably designed by someone else, because there are no flowers anywhere. There is a little cactus on the windowsill though, looking so out of place that I wonder if it's really supposed to be there at all.

I look through the cupboards and drawers in the kitchen to find all the food that I had in the old place, and more. Someone has stocked my cupboards for me. I guess that was nice of Temari, to think of that.

When I look through the bedroom I find all the things I brought with me from Konoha, and all the other clothing I was given earlier, to make my appearances in society.

Everything I had before is now here. I stand in the bedroom and shrug. I guess there's nothing to be done about it. If I was really going to be sentimental about it, maybe I shouldn't have ripped up the last room I was given.

I leave the bedroom and go back into the living room to take the cactus off the window ledge, and take it back into my room. I put it on the table beside the bed, where it will get as much sun as possible, but still be close to me. I pull the table around a bit to find the best spot for sun, but it's hard to tell where the sun will be, since the curtains are drawn against the storm.

Once I'm satisfied with the cactus arrangement I plop down on the bed. It, at least, is just as comfortable as the last one. They sure know how to make mattress' here. I don't know how I'll go back to my crappy mattress back in Konoha.

I feel a strange pang of regret at the thought of going back to Konoha. I miss it, true, but now that I've gotten used to life here, and made friends, I think I'll miss it here too. Well, who knows how long this situation will last? It could be months or it could even be years more. I should just enjoy it while I'm here.


	24. 23

_In my dream I'm sitting on the ground, staring up at Gaara. He is sitting in a tree above me. We're in the desert though, with no other plant in sight, or any source of water to be seen. I wonder more at the tree than at Gaara._

"_This child." he says, "It needs you…"_

_I shake my head, and look back at him. But it's no longer Gaara sitting in the tree. I'm beginning to doubt that he was ever there. In the tree now is a woman, wearing a long white robe that falls gracefully about her. Her hair is so long that it falls down past her back and brushes the ground._

"_Who are you?" I ask._

_She looks surprised, and then she smiles gently. She's so beautiful, nearly blinding really. "That doesn't matter," she says, "what matters is that you save the child."_

_I recognize her voice now. "You're the one who has been calling me. Why do you need me? I'm sure there's someone else…"_

_She frowns, and slides off the branch, floating gently down to the ground. "Don't say that; don't speak like that. You are the one I need, the one I want."_

_And then she kisses me, holding my face between her hands._

_Or is it Gaara?_

I wake up in darkness, a darkness too complete to be the usual dark of these days. I know that outside it is dark, and because of the storm there isn't even any light from streetlamps or the moon. I sigh and close my eyes. That's when I feel the other's presence.

I get out of bed silently, and reach for my weapons.

"Do you dream very often?"

When I recognize the voice I drop my knife and pad across the room to turn on my lamp. Gaara appears as the light flicks on. I stand and regard him with my hands on my hips.

"Don't you think that visiting me now is a little inappropriate, especially considering someone tried to kill me in the middle of the night just recently!"

He shrugs. "You didn't answer my question."

"Because I have absolutely no reason or obligation to!" I yell, feeling irrationally angry at him. It's just… how dare he come into my room in the middle of the night, knowing all that's happened, and act so smug? And after that dream he's the last person I want to see right now. So of course he asks me about my dreams.

"That is true." He admits, and my anger just sort of melts away. How strange. My anger isn't really the melting type.

"What do you want this time?" I ask, giving up. I figure I might as well just let him say his piece, and then maybe he'll leave. I wish he would just leave; I feel so damn awkward! Though I doubt he notices.

"I came to talk to you about the attack." He says.

I sigh, feeling how very tired I am. I walk over to my bed and sit on the edge, resting my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. "What about it?"

"We're not pressing charges against you," he says, and he's about to say something else when I interrupt him.

"Press charges against me? Why the hell would you do that? I'm the one who was almost killed that night!"

He nods, still calm, refusing to get upset with me. I guess he really has grown up. "And that's one of the reasons we're leaving it at that. You do realize that woman was actually a citizen of my country, even if she was a traitor."

I nod. He may have grown up and matured, but he's just more infuriating now.

"And what you did to her… There were a lot of people who saw her that night, and many of them are ambassadors here, and they wonder how you could do that to a human being. How anyone could do such a thing."

I try to remember the woman's body, but I can't seem to form a clear image in my mind. All I can remember is that moment, right before I lost consciousness, the blood and Temari's voice. "Was it that bad?" I ask quietly.

Gaara shrugs. It figures that he would act that way; no doubt he's done much worse. "Let's just say we had a very hard time identifying her."

"But she's alive!"

"Yes, somehow she lived." He looks at me with such an intense look then that I almost look away. "You didn't intentionally keep her alive did you? For any reason?"

I shake my head violently. "No! Truthfully, I just wanted to kill her – to kill them all – after what they did to Luo."

Gaara looks away, suddenly interested in his feet. He clears his throat after a moment, which I find strange and somehow out of character. I don't know why exactly; it just seems weird. "I know how that feels." he says after a moment.

And I can't help but laugh a little. "You're the last person I ever expected to hear that from!"

He looks at me for a long while then, looking sort of confused. Then he turns away. "As soon as the storm lets up and we can go back to life as usual we will be proceeding with her trial, as well as Asano Takeo's trial."

For some reason the thought as Takeo's trial fills me with such sadness. I feel as though Gaara has clamped a fist around my heart with his words. "They don't have much of a chance do they?"

"Of course not." Gaara says bluntly. At least he's honest, right? At the moment I find it hard to appreciate his honesty. I just want to sleep now, and forget it.

"I've told Temari not to assign you another bodyguard."

I look up in surprise. "You did?"

He nods. "I didn't think you would want anyone else, and after your display… It's obvious that you can take care of yourself. So until Luo regains consciousness know that you are on your own."

"I won't get to see him until the storm ends will I?" I ask quietly.

Gaara doesn't answer.

"Do you remember, when we were young…?" I start to talk, but I don't finish my sentence, because I'm not exactly sure what it is I wanted to say.

Gaara waits.

I shake my head, stare at my toes as I curl and uncurl them. "No, never mind." I pull my knees up to my chin and stare at the wall. "Do you think our troubles are over?" I ask him.

"No."

I turn to look at him and, probably just a trick of the light; it looks like he's smiling. Then he turns his face away, and I'm not even sure of that.

"I'd like to ask for your participation in this matter, if you are still willing to give it." He says flatly. I'd say he sounds like a politician, but it's too obvious that he's not lying. "It isn't over yet, and since you've done so much already, maybe you'll see this through to the end."

But I wonder what that is.


	25. 24

When the storm retreats at last the city is buried. It's a mess.

But the people go about their business with happy faces, clearing away the mess. I marvel at these resilient people, and wonder how often they have to go through all this. By the afternoon some streets are becoming apparent.

At the embassy we're having a party to celebrate.

I was planning to go in whatever I could find in my closet, but yesterday Temari came to get me and took me shopping. And by shopping what I mean is that she got me to look through a bunch of old dresses that just happened to be in the embassy and pick one to have reworked.

The end result is actually very nice, and it was a way to pass the time anyway. I look much nicer tonight than I did that first night I went to a party here. I also have time to get myself all fixed up and pretty. Temari came by early to 'help me get ready'. Mostly she just waited around and ate all my food.

"There's never enough food at these things," she says while eating some leftover rice. "And it's always that fancy shit that's supposed to be an 'acquired taste'. Pfah!" She makes a very unladylike gesture, and I roll my eyes and retreat into the bedroom.

Temari follows me in. She stands in the doorway and looks around. "The other place was nicer." she says bluntly. I swear, I have no idea how she and Gaara both managed to become political figures.

"That's a cute little cactus." she says, noticing it on my night stand. "Who gave it you?"

"I don't know. It was in the room when I got here." I don't tell her that I moved it into the bedroom because I was lonely.

"Hm." She finishes eating my rice in silence and leaves the bowl on the coffee table. "Let's go already!" she yells from the living room. I quickly check myself in the mirror, decide I look good enough and follow her out the door.

As we approach the hall I can hear the low buzz of conversation coming from inside. It sounds like the party has already started.

"Damn. I was planning on being fashionably late," Temari grumbles, "but I didn't expect everyone else to be such keeners. Well, what can you do? Let's make this look good." She slips her arm through mine and we walk into the room together.

The hall is full when we make our entrance. It does feel like everyone looks up as we go in, staring at us standing at the top of the stairs, but then they quickly turn away, back to whatever they were doing. As we're walking down the stairs I notice that a group of people (mostly men) have come away from the crowd and are making their way towards us.

As soon as they reach us they crowd around Temari, each of them demanding her attention. I feel immediately uncomfortable and out of place. I try to slip away, but Temari holds on tight.

I look up at her, see how radiant she looks now. She really is beautiful, and she talks easily with those around her. Now she's all smiles and politeness, somehow talking to everyone at once.

But I'm the one whose arm she's holding. I see the men giving me funny looks, and I know what they're wondering. The few women in the group pretend not to notice me at all, but I catch them glaring at me out of the corner of my eye. I guess they don't like Temari showing preference to me. I would stick my tongue out at them, but that would be a little too inappropriate I think, and I don't want to be talked about all over the embassy. Not for something like that especially.

I scan the crowd, looking for a familiar face, but I find none. The only person here that I really know is Temari, it would seem. I guess I'm stuck with her for now.

I stand around and try to be patient, but it's hard. Temari tries to include me, to get me into the talk, but a lot of it is politics. It seems everyone here talking to her has something to tell her about Suna politics. Or romance. There are a few men who are just obviously attracted to her. And some who are both.

I wait quietly for a little while, but I soon tire of standing nearby and being ignored.

"I think I saw Watanabe over there," I tell Temari quietly, "so I'm going to go look for him ok?"

She looks at me quickly, one eyebrow raised. For one moment I'm certain she's seen right through my lie, but she shrugs and nods soon after, and I'm glad I didn't react.

I sneak away from Temari, and lose myself in the crowd. Once I'm sure she can no longer see me I move away from the bulk of the crowd. I pass through them, scanning the faces I pass on my way to the wall, but still there is no one I recognize. I'm sure Watanabe is here, and the others too, but I can't find them. I don't really feel like looking for them either, so I grab a glass of champagne off the tray of a passing server and find myself a nice quiet spot by the wall. Well, not exactly quiet, but it's by the wall anyway.

Another server comes by with little snacks, so I take some of those. I'm suddenly very hungry, and I wish I had eaten with Temari. I take a bite of the food and realize just how right she was; I guess this is a taste I haven't yet acquired. I wash the flavor down my throat with more champagne.

I finish the glass, and still I haven't recognized anyone. The room is getting hotter and stuffier by the minute, and now that I'm here all I really want to do is leave. If it weren't for Temari I might just have skipped this night altogether.

I watch people talking for a while. The band starts up and a large space in the middle of the room is cleared for dancing. It's nice, I guess, to be able to celebrate like this. I should be happy; I should feel content. The storm is over; the bad guys have been captured…

But they haven't. Not really.

I put down the empty glass and walk away from it. I'm about to sneak out onto one of the balconies, but then I hear voices from outside. I remember now what happened last time I went out on one of those, and decide not to go. And what's strange is that it's not the thought of meeting Gaara out there that stops me, but the thought of what he would think of me if we did meet again. He might think I'm doing it on purpose, that I'm seeking him out, and I don't want to appear too eager.

But am I looking for him?

Now that I think of it, he should be here. After all, everyone who's anyone has come out, and he is the Kazekage. That's certainly someone.

I shake my head, trying to clear him out of my brain. I slip out a door and into a room off the ballroom. It's empty, thank goodness, but it's still full of the noises of the party behind me, and it's still stiflingly hot. I find a door at the other end and go through it.

I find myself in a hallway, and follow it down to the end, where it opens up into a big space. After a moment I recognize the entrance way of the embassy.

I sigh, feeling much more comfortable. When did I become this way, I wonder, happier in my own company than in a room full of happy people? When did I become so anti social?

I walk to the window and look outside. The embassy was one of the first buildings that had the sand cleared away from it, but for convenience's sake we (the foreigners) have been asked to stay inside for another day. I hate it. In Konoha I was never cooped up like this, even in a storm. Of course, we had different storms back then.

I wonder how they're doing, back home. I hope it's started to rain again, but I doubt it has. If it had we would have received word right away, and we probably wouldn't be here anymore.

I lean my forehead against the cool glass. If there's one advantage to having a giant forehead, this is it; this soothing feeling that makes my whole body feel cooler.

I hear soft footsteps behind me and quickly jump away from the window. I spin around to find myself face to face with the man I had thought I was avoiding.

Gaara.

He stares at me in silence, and I can feel an infuriating blush creeping up on my cheeks. It must be from the heat.

"Nice night." I say softly, not sure really what else I can say. I feel so stupid. Why does he always make me feel stupid?

He nods in response. "Then I wonder why you aren't taking part in it." he says.

"It's, ah… too hot in there." I say lamely. In a way, it is the truth though.

He nods. "I don't much enjoy crowds either."

I smile at him. I can see why that might be. In fact I have this funny mental image in my mind, of Gaara standing in the middle of a crowd, glaring up at everyone around him… I scratch a pretend itch on my nose to cover up my smile. "Don't you think they'll miss you in there?" I ask. Judging by the suit he's wearing he must have been at the party too.

He shrugs. "No more than they'll miss you." I know that usually that would have offended me, but when he says it, it just seems so funny. He's the Kazekage, for god's sake, and who am I? A nobody, really. Just another faceless ninja. "And I made a double just in case." He goes on. "They won't notice the difference; they're too busy talking to notice if I'm quiet or not."

I can't help myself; I snort. Immediately afterwards I cover my mouth in embarrassment, but then something amazing happens.

Gaara smiles. He actually smiles. Just a little smile, but it's still there. And it's not psychotic, or scary, and it doesn't make him look like he's about to kill anything. This is not his smile of old days, when he was possessed. This new smile, it makes him look… nice. It makes him look good.

I quickly turn back to the window to hide my face, which is no doubt red as a tomato. I can not be thinking these things about Gaara – no way!

"Sakura…"

I turn to face him again, hoping that my face has cooled down at least a little bit, or that he'll just chalk it up to the heat. I did say it was too hot didn't I? "Yes?"

For a moment he says nothing; he just stares at me, and then he speaks. "Temari told Seri to give you some time off, away from the hospital, so that you can recover. With Luo in the hospital and the trial, with everything, she didn't think you would want to have to deal with work as well. I don't know if Temari has told you yet."

I thank him for the time off, even though it's really the last thing I want. I need work to keep my mind off things, not more time to consider what I could have done more. But it was done with me in mind, so I feel I should at least act like I'm grateful.

We stand in silence for another long moment. I'm watching Gaara, but he's looking out the window behind me, past me.

"Nice suit," I say at last, spouting nonsense in my eagerness to say something. "It suits you."

Gaara looks down at the suit he's wearing. "You think so? I hate it. It looks ridiculous."

I laugh. "You're right of course. I don't know why I said that; you look much better in your everyday clothes." And then I realize that I like the way he looks. And I realize that I have a situation on my hands. This is not good.

But I can't think of this now.

I hear a rumbling sound, and after a minute I realize that it's his stomach. "You didn't eat before the party either huh?"

He nods. "I should have listened to Temari." he says ruefully.

"Listen…" I say, sure that as I say it I'm making a mistake. "I have a bunch of food, real food, in my apartment upstairs. Would you like some noodles or something?"

"Are you inviting me to your room?" he asks. The way he asks it doesn't make it sound suggestive at all somehow; he just sounds surprised.

"Well, I mean… I guess so. But really just for food." I stammer. "I'm hungry too, so I thought – I figured we could eat together. I wouldn't mind the company. And by company I don't mean… I mean…" I sigh, giving up. I just keep digging myself deeper into this hole I've made.

My stomach makes a grumbling noise.

"Noodles would be nice right about now." Gaara says, showing surprising diplomacy. But now that I think of it, his diplomacy shouldn't surprise me. After all, he must have to deal with situations every day that require at least some level of diplomatic thinking.

"Really?"

He nods. I don't know how he manages to keep such a straight face all the time. If I was in his shoes at this moment I would be laughing my ass off at me.

"Oh. Ok. Then follow me." I lead him up to my room. I tell him to take a seat at the table while I search through my cupboards.

"Wow. Nothing but instant noodles. Temari really cleaned me out earlier." I mutter, and set the kettle on to boil. "Do you mind having instant noodles?" I ask Gaara.

He shakes his head. "I've never had them before." he says.

"You've never had instant noodles before?" I repeat. I'm in shock – I shouldn't really be, it's silly – but I am in shock. "Not once?"

He nods.

"…wow. Maybe I shouldn't be ruining your body then. As a medic I know how bad these are for you. Not healthy."

Gaara shrugs. "I'm sure I'll live."

I place a bowl in front of him and sit across from him with my own. It feels funny, and in some strange way comfortable, to be sitting here with Gaara in our fancy clothes.

"Shouldn't you have sent a clone?" Gaara asks after a moment. "They'll be noticing your absence soon."

I shrug. "I doubt it. There's so many people down there they'll never be able to know for sure that I'm not there."

"I wouldn't be so sure. Temari worries about you now; ever since the assassination attempt she has. With Luo in the hospital, and the assassins still out there…"

"Can we not talk about that now please?" I cut in. "Let's just talk about happier things ok?"

He nods, and silence settles over the room. My chest feels like it's constricting – my heart hurts, and I feel like I'm about to cry. Instead of crying though, I laugh at our situation.

"I guess we have nothing happy to talk about do we?" I ask bitterly.

"I like these noodles." Gaara offers. I stare at him for a moment. I never expected something so… innocent to come out of his mouth.

I laugh. "Well, that's something." I say. "That's something anyway."


	26. 25

It's quiet.

Ever since the storm ceased I've noticed the silence more than ever. I hadn't really realized it before, but before there was always the sound of the sand in the air, the sound of the wind.

But not anymore. The wind doesn't blow through the city at all these days. It's unnatural. And what's worse is that I have nothing to do now. Seri told me she didn't even want to see me in the hospital until I go back to work. Not that that has stopped me from going. After all, Luo is still there recovering, and if I can't work and I can't leave the city then what else do I have to do but go visit him?

He's still in a coma. It's very strange; he should be waking up by now. I would have expected him to be up and walking by now, but I guess I'm expecting a bit much of him. He is only human after all.

I hate it in that room. But I can't seem to keep away. Whenever I go wandering around the city my feet always end up leading me to his door, and in to sit beside him. They haven't put anyone else in his room. In fact, they've taken out the bed that I stayed in for my short stay at the hospital. Sometimes when I'm sitting there, waiting, I wish there was someone else in a bed beside him. Maybe then I would have someone to talk to instead of an unresponsive body. Maybe then it wouldn't feel so lonely, and maybe then I wouldn't feel so bad for leaving Luo alone every day.

It's only been four days and already I feel like I'm going to explode if I can't do something, anything.

I went to Temari to ask for something, but she avoided my questions. Well, actually, she told me I should go see the trial, but I'm not sure I really want to go.

I don't know what I want anymore.

I've been going out into the desert every morning, before the sun rises, in my bare feet. I want to feel the way I felt in that dream; I want to understand it. But every morning I go and it just feels like I understand less and less. I see Gaara in the distance sometimes, but he never sees me, or if he does, he never comes to see me.

I wonder what he's looking for out there. Does he get the same feeling of calm, of well being that I get out there in those vast expanses of sand?

What am I looking for out here?

I'm not sure exactly. That dream sense I guess, but that was at first. At first I thought of my dreams, and of searching for that child, but now I come here for peace. I come here for the calm, the infinite feeling.

And sometimes I come out here hoping to see him. Sometimes I hope that he'll notice me and come talk to me, but other times I'm afraid of that happening.

It wasn't like this with Sasuke.

And I wonder about Luo, and I hope he'll get better. And I miss him, strangely, because I go see him every day, but still I miss him. I just wish he would wake up and tell me that he feels fine. It's about time I'd say.

I have to testify against Takeo and Kimura soon. Temari wouldn't tell me exactly when; just soon. It was at the same time as she told me to go see the trial actually. Out here in the desert it seems perfectly reasonable, and I realize that it is good advice. I should know what's going on at least, but whenever I get back into the city, when I get closer to them I just can't bring myself to go see how it's going.

Sometimes I'm just so tired of being myself. That's when I come out here, where I can avoid myself. I just let my thoughts flow. Out here I can somehow manage to escape them, letting them flow over and away from me.

There is peace out here. Sometimes it feels like death again. But I don't want that anymore, not just yet. I'm ready to live, if only for a while longer. There is something I need to do, even if I have no idea what it is.

I went to see Temari this morning, but she wasn't in her office. It's very rare that she's in her office nowadays at all; she's always in the courthouse, watching the trial. And I wonder why. We all know how this is going to end.

_Into the deep…_

_There's a strange feeling of weightlessness in the water. I'm surrounded, and floating, sinking at the same time. Which way is up anymore?_

_There is light towards the surface, and in the depths. Where do I go?_

_I'm looking for someone, for my heart. For a child, but not one of my own._

_I am looking for Life._

_An explosion, and then I am once again standing in the desert, the sand flowing around me like water. It is an ocean of its own. And I am drowning._

Temari came by yesterday to tell me I had to appear in court today. When she said soon, she really meant soon. I fight the wakeful feeling, wanting only to keep sleeping. There are still hours before I actually have to go anyway.

Try as I might, sleep won't return to me, so I roll out of bed and get dressed. I go down to eat breakfast in the large dining room. Junko isn't working this morning. I wonder if someone else is teaching my class in my absence. I want to go back. I didn't really expect to, but I miss my students, more than I'd like to admit, even just to myself.

I take a walk out to the edge of the city, to clear my head before it's time to go in. I have to meet with Temari and some lawyers before I go testify. I expect this thing to be painful, so I'm here to prepare myself. The calm before the storm, one might say.

The sight of the sun rising over the sands raises my spirits. For some reason it reminds me of Naruto, of his blonde head. Sometimes he would look like an angel, at times like this, with the sun reflecting off his hair so that it shone like gold, like a halo.

I miss him.

I shake my head, clearing away those thoughts. It wouldn't do to be thinking about Naruto while I'm on the stand, being questioned by lawyers. This is a life and death situation, and in a way it is a battle. It should be seen as a battle.

Everything in my life is a battle these days, and I wish it wasn't.


	27. 26

"State your name for the record."

"Haruno Sakura."

The questioning is pretty standard. They ask me if the person who attacked me is in the room. I say "yes, one of them." and I point out Kimura. She's sitting next to Takeo. He looks all better now, and upset, but she is still bandaged. Every time she moves she winces, and I hope that it's from real pain, not just some ploy to gain sympathy. Their lawyer looks bored. I feel kind of sorry for the guy; having to defend two people who have no chance at being found innocent, and who he probably doesn't even like himself. Nobody likes a traitor, or at least that's what I've been raised to believe.

"Can you describe the attack on your person for the court please?" the prosecutor asks, and I tell them about the attack, exactly as it happened. There are a lot of people in the room; more than I expected. People are crowded into the benches, and standing around the edges. It's got to be a fire hazard.

Gaara and Temari are here too. They're sitting with a bunch of government officials, and Kankuro, who somehow managed to keep out of politics, unlike his siblings. I haven't seen much of him until today, and now it's only from this uncomfortable seat across the room from everyone.

I feel strangely unemotional while I'm describing what happened. I expected to feel more anger, or pain, or something, but instead I feel cold. I wonder if there's something wrong with me.

The prosecutor doesn't ask me many questions. My account of the night is enough to condemn Kimura in his eyes. He also asks me about earlier, about the day I saved the three traitors, when I brought them to the hospital. I tell him everything I know.

Once he's done he thanks me and sits down. I watch him for a while, during the time it takes the defendant to get himself ready. He doesn't look happy; he doesn't even look smug. The air in this room is so heavy, in fact, everyone seems so sad. Everyone except me that is.

"Miss Haruno," the defendant says as he steps towards me, bringing my attention to him. "What happened that night, after you were attacked?"

"There was smoke everywhere, from the smoke bomb. I found Luo lying on the ground and then… I waited. Once the smoke cleared I realized Luo was still alive, so I used my medic skills to heal his wound, as best as I could. When I was done there was a crowd in the room, and then I fainted."

"That's it? You just… fainted?"

"Well, first I tried to stand, and then Temari said something behind me, she told Gaara to take a look at… at Kimura. When I turned to see I fell over, and then I lost consciousness."

"Gaara?" he asks disapprovingly.

I blush deeply. What a thing to say, in front of this many people, all of them his people. "The Kazekage I mean. I used to… Well, I don't think that matters."

"Please Miss Haruno; anything you have to say could be important. Pease tell the court what you used to do."

I shrug. I hate this part most of all. Where they try to twist my words to suit their case. "I used to call him Gaara – we all did – when I was young, when I first met him at the chuunin exams. I guess old habits die hard."

"Isn't it true that he almost killed you at that time?" he asks me, surprising me. How did it come to this?

"Objection. Where is the validity of this line of questioning?" The prosecutor interrupts, much to my relief.

"Are you going somewhere with this?" The judge asks the defendant. "Somewhere that pertains to this case?"

The defendant nods. "Only to prove that maybe there is another traitor in this room."

"What are you implying?" I ask the man. I'm starting to feel angry, but it is cold still. Not the old burning anger I would feel at injustices, but detached somehow. Is this what it feels like to grow up?

"Did you fear Gaara then?" he asks me.

"Yes." I answer, because I can't lie. "I did."

"Did you wish him dead?" he asks, pushing me.

"I didn't think it was possible." I answer. Even in this state it's hard for me to come up with a good, truthful answer to that.

"If it was possible?"

"I don't know…" I start to answer, still thinking like myself, the me from today. But then I realize; I wasn't always like this, and I know my truth. "No." I answer firmly.

"Even though he tried to kill your friends, to destroy your country?"

I wonder how he can even be talking about this? How can he ask me about this horrible thing that his country did to mine in the past? I realize that he's probably just trying to get me worked up, to get me to slip, and show some resentment towards Suna. I wonder what Gaara is thinking right now, having his past talked about like this, in front of so many people.

"No." I answer again. "I didn't want him dead. I didn't want anyone dead back then; when we were young we didn't believe in killing people."

"Who is this 'we' you keep referring to? It can't possibly be any shinobi in this room, knowing how we train our youth."

I look at the prosecutor. How can he let this go on? He doesn't respond to my gaze, so I return my focus to the man questioning me. What else can I do?

And the worst part is, I know who I keep talking about, but I don't want to tell this man. Not because it's damning evidence, but because it's personal. I doubt I could use that as an excuse though. "My cell, from when we were genin. Naruto and Sasuke and I."

"All leaf ninjas, yes? From Konoha, like you are?"

The prosecutor stands then. "This is leading nowhere your honor!"

The judge nods. He turns to the defendant and tells him to move on. "I have yet to see this getting you anywhere, please keep to the case at hand, and stop wasting my time."

"Yes of course. Sorry your honor."

I take a deep mental breath. Any pity I felt for this guy earlier is gone now. Any pity I felt for anyone in this room is gone, for letting him pick at me like that for no reason. It feels like all he did was provide the court with plenty of gossip about me.

I look across the crowd, to see how they're reacting. My gaze falls on Gaara. He is glaring at the defendant something fierce. I guess he doesn't like his prying either. When Gaara looks up and meets my gaze I realize I've been staring at him, and quickly face the lawyer standing in front of me again.

"Yes, Luo is alive." I answer; glad I somehow manage to keep my attention divided as I do.

"How many times did you hit Kimura?"

"I'm not sure. I wasn't exactly keeping count."

"With your skills Miss Haruno, isn't it true that one blow is usually enough?"

I nod.

"And yet you hit Kimura at least twice, as she has told the court. With the damage done to her body it is likely you continued hitting her after she was down, wouldn't you say?"

"No I wouldn't. I don't…"

"Did you not just say you can't remember?"

I nod. "But I wouldn't have continued beating her – I thought Luo was dead!"

"Isn't it possible, considering how little you can remember of that night, that you were so upset, thinking your dear friend was dead, that you went after Kimura, hitting her repeatedly?"

"I was looking after Luo; I never had time."

"You told the court earlier that while the smoke cleared you were just… waiting?"

"Yes."

"What do you remember of that time? Do you remember what happened then, or is it truly, just a blank in your memory, a space of time you can't account for?"

"I…" I had never considered that before. Was I really waiting? Was I just sitting there, waiting? What was I waiting for?

"Do you need to see a patient's injuries to heal them?"

"No, not really. I can feel them." I answer; glad to be talking about something I can really answer.

"So why would you have waited in that moment? Could you not have felt Luo's injuries, and healed him, despite the smoke? What were you waiting for?"

"I'm not sure." There is no rational explanation for waiting, I know. But until now, it never seemed to matter. "It was just… instinct."

"Hm." The defendant turns away from me for a moment, and for that moment I think he's done, that he's going to sit back down, and I'll be free to leave. I'm getting ready to bolt when he swivels back at me and asks. "Do you like the Kazekage, Miss Haruno?"

I freeze. What am I supposed to answer to that? How am I supposed to answer that? I look at Gaara again; he's watching me closely, just like the rest of the court. I search around for any feelings he conjures up in me, and even though at the moment I feel cold inside, there is something there, under all that ice. I do actually feel something, because of that small, intimidating man.

"Yes, I do." I say quietly, staring at my hands, at the same moment as the prosecutor jumps up to protest the question. He speaks so loudly, and I so quietly, that I doubt anyone hears me, and I'm glad. I can feel a blush creeping up onto my cheeks. The judge dismisses the question. Most of the defendants argument was dismissed it seems.

"Is there anything else?" the judge asks the defendant. He stares at me for a bit before shaking his head.

"No your honor. I have no further questions."

"Then you may step down, Miss Haruno." the judge says. I look up at him and he nods imperiously. "Thank you for your time."

I nod and step out, still looking at my hands. I'm afraid to look up, afraid I'll see him.

And yet, as I walk past him, I do look up, but he isn't looking at me. He's staring straight ahead; intent on what the judge is saying, and the second witness being called. And I feel… disappointed.

Temari meets my gaze and grins at me. I smile in return and walk out of the courtroom, escorted by two guards.

Out in the hall one of them turns to me and smiles. "That wasn't so bad was it?" he asks, and I smile. He walks me back to my room, and once we get there he tells me that he'll be waiting outside guarding me for the rest of the day. If I need anything I just have to ask, he tells me.

I thank him and go inside. My chest feels strange, sort of hollow. I walk into my bedroom, and sigh deeply once the door is closed, hoping no one can hear me through two walls.

It's then that I notice my cactus is missing. I search through my bedroom, and when my frantic search turns up nothing I look through the rest of the rooms, but I can't find it anywhere.

After one last turning over of my room I lie down in bed and cry myself to sleep.


	28. 27

"_Sakura… Sakura dear, don't cry. I'm ok now, I promise. I'm alright."_

I wake up and realize that I'm no longer dreaming, that these words are truly being said to me. I wonder; did I ever actually fall asleep?

It dawns on me then, that if there is someone speaking to me, then there is someone in my room, and they are very close to me. I turn over slowly, tired of people sneaking up on me while I'm in bed. This whole trust thing they've got going here, leaving the doors unlocked and all that, just isn't working for me.

When I see who it is though, I don't mind the being surprised at all.

"Luo!"

He grins slowly and nods. I stare at him for just a moment, to be sure that he really is there, before throwing my arms around him.

"I'm glad you're alive and well." He says.

I pull back for a minute to look him in the eyes. He looks good, as if he's just had a long rest, which is true. "I should be saying that to you." I say. "You're the one who almost died."

"From what Temari says, I'm not the only one." he says soberly. I let go of him then, and sit back on my feet, regarding him seriously.

"What did she tell you?"

He shrugs. "She said… Well, it doesn't really matter right?" he smiles again then, mischievously, and pulls me off the bed in a huge, rib crushing hug. "I'm just so happy to see you again!" He starts rubbing his chin against my cheek, which makes me laugh.

"You're awfully affectionate," I tease him, wriggling out of his grasp, "especially for someone who just woke up out of a coma."

He stretches and breathes deeply, theatrically. "I feel great!" He exclaims loudly. "And all thanks to you!"

I make shushing noises at him, and gesture at the door. "There are people outside my door! And it's the middle of the night! What will they think of me?"

He smiles suggestively at me. "What will they think of you indeed?"

"Oh shut up. Obviously your near death experience did nothing to improve your stupidity."

"On the contrary, it has improved my stupidity very much." He says, his grin changing from perverted to sarcastic. "I am quite possibly the stupidest man alive now."

I laugh. He stands and just watches me laughing, with a smile on his face. When I've finished laughing I smile back at him, and we just stand there, like that.

"So, how have you been?" he asks after a long silence.

"Bored out of my mind!" I burst out, letting out a long breath at the same time. Until this moment I hadn't realized I'd been holding it in. I've been holding it in for weeks now, until this very moment, seeing Luo alive and well. "Thank god for Temari and… and Seri." For some reason I don't say the name that first came to mind; Gaara.

"Ah. So you must have missed me terribly." he says.

I scoff. "Since when are you so cocky?"

"Since you told me I am your type."

I stop at his newly serious tone. When I look him in the eye he looks straight back at me. No more jokes then.

I can feel a smile spread itself across my face, and I'm not sure where it came from exactly. Is Luo really my type? Maybe I just said that in the heat of the moment, when I could think of nothing else to say.

"Are you sure you're not just doing this because you've been encouraged to?" I ask, trying for some sort of comedy, some way to distance myself from the situation a little. If I just had a moment to think clearly maybe…

But then he steps towards me and kisses me, and it doesn't really matter anymore what I was thinking. It was probably ridiculous anyway.

He doesn't kiss me for long; it's a very quick kiss actually, but it gets the point across. And it's strange, but I don't feel like exploding. I've always thought that to be kissed by the one I love would make me feel like exploding, or something equally romantic, you know?

"Definitely not." He says quietly. He kisses me again before I can say anything else, but I had nothing to add anyway. And I'm liking this more and more, as the kissing continues.

He soon pulls away again though. "Would you stop that?" he asks, "It's hard to kiss you when you're smiling like that."

I realize that I am smiling from cheek to cheek. "I can't help it." I say simply, and it's true. All I really feel like doing now is laughing. "Is that bad?"

"No." He says and hugs me again, pulling me off my feet. "No that's just perfect! You look beautiful when you smile."

I roll my eyes at him. "You're not really one of those mushy people on the inside are you?" I ask.

He grins. "I know I put out such a tough guy image, and everyone thinks I'm so macho and cool, but it's true, on the inside I'm just a big ole softie. And a hopeless romantic."

"Oh, I'm one of those too." I say quietly. And I realize how true it is. I've been thinking of myself as such a practical person, as such a realist, for so long, that I've never really realized that all this time I've been harboring so many romantic ideas and notions inside of myself. I'd always thought I was stronger than that.

"How perfect that we have that in common." he murmurs, and kisses me. This time I manage to keep down my smile and kiss him back.


	29. 28

"I love you." He said, and in the morning he was gone.

I woke up alone, even though I'm sure Luo did spend the night with me. Well, what does it matter? I'll see him later.

I get up and dress slowly, happily. I feel deliciously lazy this morning. I go down to breakfast in the dining room. Junko is serving this morning, and asks how I am this morning.

"I feel wonderful," I say, "How are you?"

She smiles. "I guess you've heard that Luo is all better then?" I nod, and she chuckles. For a moment she seems much older than her years, and then her supervisor yells at her and she jumps to obey, acting her age again. I watch her go, feeling a funny ache in the pit of my stomach.

I miss them, I really do.

After breakfast I go for a run. Over rooftops and under bridges, across the great wide open desert… But that last bit I really only do in my mind. As much as I've grown to love the desert, I know that it would kill me quite easily, and without remorse.

And yes, I have grown to think of it as a living creature, one with emotions even sometimes.

Running on sand is a great exercise for chakra control I find. Concentrating just the right amount of chakra against the shifting sands provides me with something to put my mind to while I run, instead of thinking about Luo.

The problem is I have perfect control of my chakra. I know it, and there's no point in beating around the bush about it; it just is. Because of that, I have no trouble at all keeping my feet above ground and slapping the soft sands just as if they were running on solid ground. So my mind is free to think of Luo all it wants to, and it wants to.

But even though my mind wants to think of him, it seems my stomach doesn't. I think I'm happy, but my stomach does flips around inside of me, and not good, happy flips anymore, not like last night when we kissed. What is this? Why can't my mind and my body, my instincts, just agree on something?

I've always been told, as a ninja, to trust my instincts, especially if they're telling me to be careful. But as a near genius, I've always known I can trust my brain too. So what am I supposed to do when I think one thing, and feel another?

I like Luo. I do. So why can't it be so simple?

I try to distract my thoughts by concentrating varying strengths of chakra in my soles, seeing what different effects I can get by pushing harder against the sand, by sending out bursts of chakra through my feet. I find that by doing so I can run as if running without gravity, flying up into the air for feet every step I take. I wonder if I could…

I shake my head. Running on air? There's just not enough resistance. But maybe, if there was wind, out here, and sand in the air…

But there is no wind. The air has been dead for days now. It can't be natural, I think, but no one else seems to be reacting to it, so I've kept quiet about my thoughts.

My stomach growls at me, butting into my reverie. I laugh at it, and head back into the city to find someplace to eat lunch. My path takes me to the hospital somehow, and I see Seri walking out the front door and away from the hospital.

"Leaving your post?" I call out, slowing down to walk beside her.

She smiles. "I suppose I am. Running away to eat some real food for once. I swear, if I have to eat that cafeteria food again…"

I raise an eyebrow at her, unconvinced. "Yeah right. You eat that stuff so often you like it by now."

"Well I'm immune anyhow." She says dryly and shrugs. "Still, it's nice to get away from it sometimes, and remember just how good food is out here in the outside world." She smiles dreamily and turns to me. "Care to join me for some lunch?" she asks, and I gladly agree to her offer.

Over lunch we talk about the hospital. Mostly the hospital. I ask her how things are going and she says fine, that people are still getting sick and injuring themselves, and they're still going to the hospital to get better.

"Same old, same old," she says, shrugging. "But it's not quite the same without you there."

I laugh at her, disbelieving. "Yeah right. Everything is still the same, just as you said. You're only saying that to make me feel better about myself. Don't worry; I feel just fine."

"But you will come back to work at the hospital soon won't you?"

"I didn't think it was my choice to make."

She makes a face at me. "Now why would you think that? It's always your choice, whatever you do with your life. We just like to make suggestions to you."

"Well I do like working at the hospital…"

"But you see no more reason to visit with Luo out, do you?" she asks, raising her eyebrow at me, as if to say 'I know'.

I smile at her. "Is that what you think?"

She nods. "You don't really care about me at all, do you?" she asks, as if she's really hurt.

I nod. "I'm such a villain, taking advantage of your feelings like that."

She laughs, and I feel normal again. No more of this useless worrying and thinking about things too much. There's just this moment, living in me now. That's how Seri affects me.

"I do miss my students." I say quietly.

She nods, but makes no other move to comfort me, or even acknowledge what I just said. "So how awful was your court day?" she asks.

"Pretty awful." I answer with a shrug. "You should have been there to cheer me on. The defendant kept asking me about my past – things I doubt were really relevant to the actual case, only to my character, and no one tried to stop him."

"What did he ask?" Seri asks, with her usual morbid curiosity.

"He asked me if I wanted to kill the Kazekage." I hiss. I don't really want the whole restaurant to hear.

Seri laughs at me. "And what did you answer?"

"No, of course." I say.

She is quiet for a while, thoughtful. I wonder what she's thinking about. Then she says, "Hm. I wonder." and that's that.

The owner comes to pick up our empty bowls. Seri thanks him for a delicious meal, and then stands to leave.

"Well, I have to get back to work now. I'll see you soon right?" she asks, holding out her hand.

"Of course." I answer, ignoring her hand and giving her a quick hug. "I'll be back to teaching classes any day now. As soon as I get Temari's approval." I wave to her as I walk the other way, towards the embassy.

Now that I've got her in my mind, I decide it's about time I had another talk with Temari.

When I get to her office though, there are people rushing around everywhere, going in and out, and yelling everywhere. I'm about to just leave her to it, when a woman grabs me and pulls me into the office.

"You're Sakura right?" she asks quickly, and rushes away without waiting for an answer.

I stand in the doorway awkwardly, waiting for some sort of cue, some reason I was dragged in here, with everything in such a mess. Temari is conferring with three people at once, and as I watch she sends each of them away, with different instructions. And then the phone rings.

I watch as she speaks into it, surprisingly calm in the face of this storm of activity. Temari's office is usually pretty busy, and I know that she has a lot of work, and plenty of underlings who answer to her as well, but I've never seen it this bad. There must be some exciting goings on in the political world of Suna.

She waves away a man who tries to talk to her while she's on the phone, and soon after hangs up the phone, very carefully I notice. Then she looks up, and finally notices me waiting here.

"Everybody out." she commands, never taking her eyes off me. Her voice holds such superiority in it, such an air of importance that I just nod and turn around to leave, without ever having seen her.

"No not you Sakura." She calls after me, sounding as if I've done something silly. I guess I probably have. "But everyone else – out now."

There's a lot of bowing and scurrying away done then, and seconds later the door clicks shut and it's just the two of us.

"I never realized you had so many interns." I say, just for the sake of saying something. I'm a little scared actually, now that I'm here. Temari looks really intense right now.

"Sakura-" Temari starts to say something, but breaks off suddenly, and gestures for me to sit down. "Take a seat. Please." I sit down obediently and wait for her to talk.

"Is something wrong?" I ask, when she doesn't say anything for a long time.

She sighs deeply. "Yes. It's… It's Kimura and Takeo."

I sit forward. "That's right. I came to ask you how the trial is going."

She stares at me for a long moment, with a bleak look in her eyes. "They're dead Sakura." She says. The words hang in the air for a moment, before dropping into my brain, creating ripples in my thoughts. "They were found murdered this morning. The guards were all knocked out or mysteriously absent."

"They're dead?" I repeat in disbelief. It feels like my heart just fell into my stomach, and stopped beating in the process. "That can't be."

"I don't know how well you knew them…"

"I didn't really. Well, I visited Takeo in the hospital for a while…" I fall silent, as the feeling in my chest worsens. I never wanted Takeo to die; I realize that for sure now. Kimura I could care less about, but Takeo didn't deserve death, I'm sure of it.

"We… We were never going to execute him." Temari says quietly. She looks sad. "Gaara was so sure he wasn't guilty; he wouldn't allow it. We were going to fake it – as wrong as that sounds, as dishonest as it would be. The plan was to kill a clone, a fake, and Takeo would be exiled, never allowed to show his face again. We couldn't just let him go, that would be a bad example; it would encourage other rebels and assassins. But… This wasn't supposed to happen."

I reach out and put my hand on hers. I don't know what to say, how to comfort her. I don't even know how to feel myself.

"What will happen now?"

Temari shakes her head. "That's what we're trying to figure out. There has to be an investigation. The trial is pointless now. It's all so complicated."

"That explains all the people here." I say.

"Yes. Speaking of them…" Temari pushes a button on her phone and tells whoever is on the other side that she's ready to continue business. "I would like to talk longer, but there's too much to be taken care of now. I wanted you to hear it from someone you know, not the newspaper. I just…"

At that moment the door burst open again and two people came in, one holding a stack of papers.

"Thank you Temari." I say, and stand up to leave. "I'll see you soon."

She nods and as I leave the office I see her turn to talk to the man at her side. What a mess.

I take the long way up to my room, hoping to give myself more time to organize my thoughts. When I get to my room it's empty, and I feel unreasonably disappointed. I was expecting Luo to be waiting for me, though I don't know why he would be.

And so, with my obscure disappointment I make myself supper and eat alone in my living room, on the couch I pulled up to the window. This city feels so lonely tonight.


	30. 29

_I wake up drowning in sand. It floods into my throat and ears, forces my eyes open, seeking any path possible into my body. I try to fight it off, but I can't move my body. I can feel it squeezing my ribs, my arms and legs. I'm going to die buried in sand, and no one will ever find me._

_Suddenly strong arms pull me out of the sand, into the air._

"_Do you understand now?" It's that woman again, with the long hair and beautiful face. But she's angry now, her face twisted with the emotion, and she's yelling at me. "DO YOU GET IT?"_

_I shake my head, feeling tears welling up in my eyes. I know I won't be able to keep them back if she keeps yelling like this. I feel like a small child again, being scolded by my mother._

"_Why are you still waiting? You're wasting time, and that is not acceptable. There will be no time left if you keep waiting! I thought you understood! Get out! Get out! Get out!"_

_A small sob escapes my lips. I wish I could get up and run away, but my body still won't move. I feel as weak as a newborn, and just as fragile. "I'm sorry."_

"_That's not what I want! That's not what I need from you! You're supposed to help her!"_

"_But I don't know who _she_ is!"_

"_Yes you do."_

_I shake my head violently. Strength is returning to my body slowly. "I don't. You never tell me anything."_

"_She's my daughter! I need her… I need you to save her. Please! You have to help her!" The woman starts to shake me back and forth. "What are you waiting for?"_

"_I…" A shadow appears over her shoulder, and I look past her to see who it is. A man is standing behind her, but the sun is right behind his head, and I can't see his face._

"_Can't you hear her crying? She needs you…" the woman goes on, oblivious to the figure behind her. She pulls me into her arms, and presses her tear stained cheek against my forehead._

"_My mother…" I murmur, remembering my childhood. "This is how my mother held me, when I was little."_

"_Of course it is. I am a mother too."_

"_What are you?" I ask, only now thinking that she might not be human. She opens her mouth to speak, but before anything comes out the man behind her lashes out, and strikes her across the face. She falls away from me, pushing me away as she falls._

"_Run!" she yells. I get up and start to run, suddenly filled with strength. Behind me I hear loud noises, the sounds of battle. I turn to look over my shoulder only once, and the woman is no longer there. Instead the man is fighting a giant beast, some strange blue animal._

_And then I run, and I don't look back again._

I wake up alone. My heart is beating quickly, struggling against the confines of my chest, just as if I had been running. I lay still for a long time, just waiting for my heart to return to its normal pace, but it doesn't seem to want to do so.

The room is filled with moonlight tonight, bathed in the same blue glow from my dreams of the desert. But it doesn't calm me the same way the desert did, it does nothing for me. I'm starting to hate this room, this impersonal coldness it has about it. I want my cactus back.

I look up at a light knocking on the window. My heart is still beating at a mile a minute. I get up and open the window; about to tell Luo how stupid he is for bothering to come through the window, or for knocking. To tell that it's too late to be developing a sense of propriety now.

But it's not Luo at the window; it's Gaara.

"My, you must really like visiting me in the middle of the night." I say sarcastically. I think that maybe I should be disappointed not to find Luo at my window, but I'm not. In fact, it's almost the opposite. "Do you like feeling inappropriate?"

He steps into my room, and I close the window behind him. "I didn't realize it was so inappropriate," he says, "so no, I do not enjoy the feeling, as I never felt it at all."

I stare at him, biting my lip to keep from laughing. A quick reply comes to mind, but I keep it to myself. 'Not useful now.' I tell myself.

"So, what's the business of the night?" I ask, realizing as I say it that it sounds sort of dirty, but by now I know that Gaara won't catch on to these things. He's too much of an innocent, in that department anyway.

"Kimura and Takeo were murdered last night."

"I know. Temari already filled me in."

He nods. "So you did see her. Good. Then I don't need to explain it all to you."

"Right. So…?"

He stares at me for a while, as if waiting for me to say something. I don't. Anything I say now would no doubt make me sound very unintelligent, so I decide it's better to keep my mouth shut.

"Well, I'm sure you understand the implications."

I sit down on my bed, and shake my head at him. "What are you getting at here?"

"They tried to kill you." he says flatly.

"Kimura tried to kill me." I correct him.

"Maybe you make that distinction, but no one else does. For all they care, those two were a team, so there's no way they wouldn't be working together. So in the eyes of the public, they were both your enemies."

I realize what he's telling me, and I understand what people mean when they say their blood runs cold. My whole body suddenly feels like its freezing. And still, my heart beats away at my chest.

"I didn't kill them."

Gaara shrugs. "That hardly matters does it?" When I stare at him slack jawed he relents. "Do you have an alibi, someone you were with last night?"

And then, for some stupid reason, I tell him no. I don't tell him that Luo came to me last night, how he told me he loved me. I just can't tell Gaara that. Even to save my own honor, my innocence.

"You are a suspect, at least." he says. "If you're innocent it won't matter if you're taken into custody; there's no way you will be found guilty."

But I can't help thinking about Takeo. We were both so sure of his innocence, but now…

"Are you here to take me into custody then?" I ask him.

He shakes his head. "No. This is an unofficial visit. I just thought you should know."

"Oh."

He is silent, standing nearby as I come to grips with this new reality. I look up finally, searching his face for some hope, something. All I see is Gaara, the same as he always is. There is no pity to be found on his face, no sympathy. Only the truth.

This sucks. I kind of feel like curling up in a ball on my bed and weeping, but Gaara is still standing there. What is he waiting for? And then, without knowing why, I start to talk.

"I have been dreaming." I say, not knowing why I'm telling him this, now of all times when it should seem unimportant. "In my dreams, there's always something I'm supposed to do; a child – a girl – I'm supposed to save. There is a woman… Her mother. She asks me to find her child, out in the desert she says. That's where she's hidden. And she chose me to find her, why, I don't know. But I'm the one she says. Before you came tonight she told me I'm running out of time. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"It sounds to me like you should be looking for her." Gaara says. I look up at him, but his back is to me. "It sounds like you don't have much time to waste here, on some bogus trial." He turns around then, and looks at me, and I realize that he's telling me to go; to run away. His face looks the same as always, but now I can read something new in those lines.

I nod slowly.

"Where's Luo?" he asks suddenly.

At first I'm startled by the change in subject, so it takes me a minute to answer. "I don't know."

"He should be here." Gaara says. I feel cold again, as I think that he knows. That he expects me to be here with Luo. I want to tell him it's not true, but I know how stupid that would be, so I keep my mouth shut. "I told him that once he was well again he was to return to his job guarding you. He was good at his job before, so why would he be absent now?"

I start to wonder the same thing then. Before he was nearly killed, I couldn't get rid of Luo. He was always, always, on my heels, tagging along everywhere I went. He would have gone into the bathroom with me if I would have let him. So where would he be now?

Gaara shrugs. "As long as he returns to work tomorrow, there shouldn't be a problem right?" He nods briefly to me, says good night, and then is gone out the window again.

I wait for awhile after he leaves, listening to the wind blowing through empty streets in the city outside. Then I stand up and walk to the still open window.

'I love you,' he said, 'please remember that.' and in the morning he was gone…

I have to get out of here.


	31. 30

By the time the sun rises the next morning the city is no longer in view. I turn back once then, thinking that maybe I'll be able to see the sun rising over Suna, a city I've come to love, but all I see are shifting sands under an endless sky.

I don't know where I'm going exactly, or what I should expect to find, but I have a feeling in my chest telling me which way to go. It pulls me in this direction, and I've decided to trust it, no matter how stupid it is if I'm thinking reasonably. I think the time for reason has passed.

God knows this is crazy enough.

I've been walking all night, following this mysterious pull. As soon as Gaara left I hurried to pack everything I need and was soon out of the city. Now I find myself out in the middle of the desert with nothing but this feeling in my chest and this pack on my back.

And my brains of course.

Once the sun rises it soon becomes too hot to keep walking, so I burrow into the sand and lie down to wait out the day. At first I lie awake, hating not being able to move on. If I could I would keep going until I found this child I'm supposed to be saving, but I know that walking through the desert in the middle of the day is a sure way to get sunstroke, at the least, possibly premature death.

Soon enough I fall asleep, nestled in the warm sand like an embrace.

Maybe the woman in my dreams is happy now that I'm acting on her words, or maybe it's just the effect of the desert, but I don't dream. When I wake up in the late afternoon I feel wonderfully refreshed, as after a full, undisturbed sleep. I keep walking, following my gut feeling.

I stop for a little rest when the sun sets. The sunset is more beautiful than I'd even imagined. The sand lights up just like the sky; in bright oranges and reds. It looks like the world is on fire, and it stretches on as far as the eye can see. This sunset is forever.

"Is this what you had in mind then? If I'd known I might not have warned you."

I swivel my upper body around to look up at Gaara. For a moment I'm blinded by the sun reflecting off him, before I can make out his face. He's frowning a little, but he doesn't look very angry.

"Why _did_ you warn me anyway? What did you expect me to do?"

He shrugs, and as he makes no move to sit down, I stand. It's somehow easier to talk to Gaara when I'm on eye level with him. Well, actually, when we're both standing I look down at him. Maybe that's what makes it easier for me.

"I didn't really think you would actually run away, knowing your sense of honesty. And I didn't think for a moment that if you did run it would be out here."

"I'm not running away!" I protest, but I know that's how everyone will see it. "I'm out here following… a feeling. A dream."

"That woman?" Gaara asks.

I nod. He is silent for a long time. I tell him I'm going to keep moving; that I don't have time to waste, and to my surprise he starts walking beside me.

I watch him as we walk, out of the corner of my eye. The sun sets and the colour drains out of his face, as the beautiful red drains out of the landscape. Gaara looks smaller in this light somehow.

"I… I've been having dreams too." Gaara says, waking me out of my thoughts.

"Really? Like mine?"

"Not exactly…"

Then I remember that Gaara doesn't sleep, and wonder how he can dream. "But how is that possible?" I ask. "If you never sleep how do you have dreams?"

He looks at me with shadowed eyes. I pull back involuntarily, and notice another frown on his face before he turns away.

"That's exactly it." he says. "I don't dream like you. It's more like a vision. And I've never seen a woman in my visions, but I have heard crying, and screaming. Not like the usual screaming."

I don't ask him about the usual screaming, afraid of what the answer might be.

"They must be connected." Gaara says finally. "Someone – or something – is guiding us to this."

If there is one thing in my life I will never forget (though I'm sure there are plenty of things) it is this moment. Watching the moon rise on Gaara's face while he talks to me about something that sounds suspiciously like destiny, I feel this funny stirring in my gut, like something inside of me is about to break loose.

"Wow." I say, effectively keeping (I think) my inner self under control. "I didn't think you were the type to believe in that sort of stuff."

"That sort of stuff?" he asks. When he looks at me like that, looking confused, I feel like I could swoon. What the hell is wrong with me anyway? One minute I'm making out with Luo, the next I'm 'swooning' over Gaara. I'm not that flighty am I?

"Like… destiny." I say. Having two personalities has made me very good at concentrating on two thoughts at once.

"I don't think this is destiny." he says sharply. "It's something else… It's probably that woman who's been in your dreams."

I shake my head. "I don't think so. Well, I know she wants me to find her child, but I don't think she's been sending you visions. She always talked about me doing this; how I had to do it. She never even mentioned anyone else."

"Isn't it possible that she told you that you were the one to make you feel more anxiety, to get you to move? To make you feel important?"

"Ignoring the insult to my vanity…" I say, glaring up at Gaara, who just shrugs. "I don't think she would do that. Your visions must be something else. I think this is beginning to sound a lot like destiny." I grin at Gaara. He looks sort of surprised for a moment, before turning away.

"You shouldn't have come out here alone." he says, completely changing the subject and throwing me off balance for half a second. "You have no idea where you're going, or how long you'll be out here. You'd probably run out of water before you got there. And what if you got caught in a storm out here?"

"Well then I'd probably die." I say simply.

He stops and glares at me. I turn to face him, carefully keeping my face free of expression. "You shouldn't talk so lightly about death." He says. "Your life is not something that can be thrown away so easily, and you can never get it back."

"You got yours back." I say, my old argumentative self bubbling up to the surface. He has no right to talk to me about death like that. He doesn't even care about me.

"That was different. Who would bring you back to life if you died?"

"No one…" I say quietly. "No one would bother."

He frowns more deeply. "I didn't mean that." He says.

I turn away from him and keep walking. I hate this knowing he doesn't care, when I can't stop, even when presented with another to love. I hate how stupid I am when it comes to love. Just once I would like to fall in love with a man I can actually have. Someone who will love me too.

"_Do you love him?" _

I start, and spin around to face Gaara. "What?"

"I said that's not what I meant." he repeats.

"Not that…" I trail off, realizing that he didn't say anything else. "Um, never mind. Never mind that." I say again, to make him think I'm still talking about the same thing. So that he doesn't realize I'm losing my mind. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does." he says. I turn to look at him over my shoulder, surprised that he won't give it up. What does he care? "You can't die Sakura."

"Why not?" I yell, unreasonably angry. "I've done it once before, and maybe it didn't work for you, but I didn't mind so much! Sometimes I wish…" I turn away again, and stomp away from him, but a wall of sand rises, blocking my way. Gaara steps out of it and faces me. I roll my eyes at him. "Fancy tricks. So what."

Suddenly he grabs me by the throat. I'm taken too much by surprise to jump away from him, but I can still fight back. I kick and punch at him, forgetting my feelings for him in the moment, the rush of adrenaline to my veins. My blows amount to nothing against his armor of sand, until I start to really panic, and dump chakra into him via my fists. That's when he drops me.

I fall away from him, onto my butt in the sand, and sit there, staring up at him. He makes no move to continue killing me, so I figure it won't happen again – at least not right away. Maybe he's not as sane as I thought he had become.

"What the hell was that for?" I splutter.

He glares down at me. "You wish you were dead? Is that it? That is one thing you should never wish for, Haruno, because there are plenty of people who will grant that wish for you." And then he smiles crookedly, but his smile is wicked, and it sends a shiver down my spine. "And besides, when faced with death again you fought against it didn't you? If you don't actually want to die, then don't say such things." Having finished lecturing me, he walks away.

No doubt he expects me to follow him, that arrogant pig. He thinks I'll come crawling after him, thank him for showing me the way. Well, he's got another thing coming.

"You were looking for life." A voice inside my head reminds me. I wonder how many voices are in there. "You just found it, in a way. Just because it's not what you expected…"

"Yeah, yeah. Just shut up already. You're as preachy as he is." I mutter to myself, then stand up and follow Gaara on shaky legs. He shows more consideration than I expected from him when he turns and waits for me, and then actually asks how I am when I reach him.

"I'm fine." I mumble. "No thanks to you."

He says nothing about his behavior, but he smiles. And I feel like I'm looking at the moon.


	32. 31

When the sun rises he turns off course. I tell him that's not the way, that my heart is telling me to keep going the other way. I feel ridiculous talking about my heart that way.

"We'll follow your heart later," he says, and I don't even think he's mocking me. "But right now we need water, so we'll go this way."

I shrug and follow him. This feeling better not go away anytime soon, or I will be lost. I follow for a while, until he stops in a spot that looks just like all the rest of the desert to me. He must know something I don't.

I watch while he concentrates, and a hole opens in the sand at our feet. He drops his canteen down the hole, and moments later a hand of sand brings it back up to him, full of water. He holds his hand out to me and I put my canteen in it, then he does the same for me.

When he hands me back my canteen it is cool and wet. The water tastes odd to me, but I guess I shouldn't have been expecting it to taste the same as the clear spring water I'm used to drinking.

"You should rest during the day." Gaara says.

I roll my eyes at him. "Thanks for the advice. I'm not an idiot you know. I know my limits."

"Ok." He says, and that's all. He sits down with his back to me, and says nothing more. I don't get this man sometimes. He gets to me so easily, but he's impossible to fight with because he never fights back. How can he take everything so calmly?

I flop down nearby and sit there, watching the horizon. I'm still wide awake; there's not much point in trying to sleep now. I would have suggested we just keep going, if it weren't for his little comment. Doing so now would just make me look stupid.

I peer covertly at Gaara, wondering if he really does think I'm stupid. I wouldn't blame him if he does; I've done plenty lately that would give him that impression. But despite all the stupid, petty things I've done, he has never given any indication that he thinks I'm dumb, or ever acted in a condescending way. I guess that's why he's a good Kazekage. He doesn't act better than anyone, not really, even though he is. Even if he doesn't really have much by way of diplomatic speech, or speech at all really, he makes a good leader. That's surprising, considering his past, and how he used to want to kill everybody.

"You can go to sleep you know." he says quietly, jolting me out of my thoughts. I wonder how long I've been sitting here thinking. "I'm not going to strangle you in your sleep or anything like that."

I'm not sure if he's joking. "I know that." I say. "I just can't sleep now. I'm not tired. And besides, then you'll be all alone."

"I'm used to that."

I bite my lip. How come he seems so sad sometimes? I just want to comfort him somehow, but it's so hard. And he doesn't ask for pity, for sympathy, he's just telling the truth.

"Do… Do you think Luo is somehow involved in this?"

Gaara finally turns to look at me. "What do you think?" he asks.

"I asked first," I say childishly, "You answer first."

"I'm not going to give you answers." He says. "You're asking me to tell you what to think, but I won't do that. So what do _you _think?"

I want to argue, but I know he's right. That's another thing he's got going for him; his ability to somehow see right through people. I circle my knees with my arms, pulling them up to my chest, becoming as small as possible. "I don't know what to think anymore. I want to believe in him, but…"

Gaara is silent for a long time. "Then that's what you should do." He says at last, his voice heavy. It almost sounds like he's sighing.

I lie back in the sand. It seems like sand should be so much more comfortable than it actually is. I sigh inwardly as I stare out towards the infinite horizon, stretching out forever, gold against the blue sky.

"You know, the desert is beautiful." I say. Gaara opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off as I continue my ramble. "Yes I know; it's dangerous too. And I used to fear it, when I first came here. I used to... yes, I hated it. It was my enemy back then. But since I've come to live here, I've been visiting the desert every morning. When Luo was hospitalized and I was kicked out of the hospital, when my cactus was stolen, and when Takeo was on trial, I came out here. At first I was just looking for some peace and quiet, but I've come to find comfort out here. I don't hate the desert anymore. I think I might even love it."

Gaara says nothing. And for once, I don't berate myself for babbling. Out here, that doesn't matter. I feel calm. So I just lay back and enjoy the heat of the sun shining on my face.

"Someone stole your cactus?" he asks finally. I sit up and stare at him, surprised. Of all the things he could have said, could have asked about, why would he ask me about that? He blinks at me for a while, then shakes his head and turns away again. "No, never mind."

I stare at the back of his head for a bit before talking again. "Yes, someone stole my cactus. You know; the one on my bed side table. Did you see it there, when you came to visit me in the middle of the night?"

He shrugs. "Yeah, that must be it."

I narrow my eyes at his back, feeling something like glee rising in my chest. "You put that cactus in my room, didn't you?"

He shakes his head. "Why would I do something like that?" He asks, not actually denying it.

I shrug, smiling widely, not that he can see. "Who knows? The heart is a mysterious thing." I lay back and smile at the sun. I hear Gaara grumbling something to himself, but I can't make out what it is he's saying. "What's that?" I ask loudly.

"What kind of person steals a cactus, of all things?" he asks, but I'm pretty sure that's not what he was saying before.

I shrug, as well as one can shrug while lying on their back. "I doubt it's worth the bother to try to figure it out."

"Didn't you like your cactus?" he asks, turning to me. "You listed it before Takeo even."

Did I? I guess I did. Well, that cactus kept me from being lonely while Luo was in the hospital, as best as it could. It was a good little cactus.

What the hell am I saying? It was a cactus.

"Is it too painful to talk about?" Gaara asks, and I realize I've been silent for a long while. I shake my head and I'm about to answer when I realize that he was joking.

"Hey… You do have a sense of humor!"

"When did I ever say I didn't?"

"I, uh…" I blush furiously at my rudeness and change the subject before I dig myself into any deeper of a hole. "Well, anyway I should get some rest. I have a feeling we're getting close to our destination," I lie, and turn over onto my side. "So we'll need to be prepared tomorrow."

But it is a long time before I can fall asleep.


	33. 32

_This is not a dream like the others. This dream is so comforting, so calm. There is no feeling of urgency in this dream. I feel like I'm floating, like I'm held in my mother's arms again. I'd forgotten this feeling; it's been so long since last I was wrapped up safely in someone's arms. In this embrace all my cares and worries melt away, all the tension that has been building in my body for years is relieved, taken away by this love, until I feel weightless._

_I wonder for a moment if this is a memory, if I'm a little girl again, and this really is my mother holding me now. I wonder if it's that woman again, for she too is a mother, as she told me. And then I stop wondering, lulled by this peaceful feeling. It feels as if everything is right in the world, even though somewhere in the back of my mind I know it isn't._

_For the time being I'm just here, held in invisible arms, so warm…_

As I wake out of my sleep and shift around, a blanket of sand retreats from around my body. I blink away sleep, and turn to look around. Now that the dream has fallen away the real world starts to find its way back into my mind. Here I am, still in the middle of the desert, blindly searching for a thing of my dreams. Here I am, with no idea what I'm doing.

Gaara is sitting a ways away, staring off into the distance. I watch him for a moment before getting up and walking over to him. He looks so peaceful in the late afternoon sun, sort of soft around the edges.

He stands in a graceful cat-like manner and faces me. "You know which way to go?" he asks matter-of-factly and I nod in response, and start to walk.

The feeling of urgency in my chest is still there, and as the night continues, and we continue heading towards our destination it grows stronger, until it's practically pulling me off my feet. It grows so strong that I can't help myself any longer – I start to run.

Within seconds Gaara jumps in front of me and grabs me up, knocks my feet out from under me, and we tumble down into the sand, with him on top. I try to push back, to get him off me, but he keeps me pinned down.

"What are you doing?" I demand, glaring at his face inches above mine. "Let me go!" I would hit him, but he's pinned down my arms with sand now too.

"Quiet!" he hisses. "You don't know what we'll find there. Running in wouldn't be wise."

I don't argue because I know that he's right. I know the same myself, but this feeling has taken over. It must be that woman. That's the only reasonable explanation, as if that's so reasonable.

I nod. He gets up slowly, and then gives me a hand up, and we advance more carefully. After a moment I hear voices, and instinctively get lower to the ground. We come over a particularly large sand dune, and on the other side there's an encampment.

We both lay low in the sand to observe the place before trying anything. There are a few tents out here, some more permanent buildings made out of what looks like sand, but not many people. They all seem to be standing around, on guard, and they're all wearing blank headbands. This is starting to look like a cult to me, or something worse…

Gaara nudges me in the side, and I look at him. He tilts his head slightly, motioning for me to look. On the other side of the camp is a big cage. There's a big blue… thing inside of it. My guess is that it's a demon of some sort.

The thing is, as soon as I see it there, the feeling in my chest grows until it bursts inside of me. I know now that it is that woman; that she's somehow taken up residence in my body, and now she's taking over. I try to fight back, more for the sake of not giving up my body than because I have a problem with her, but her desperation proves stronger than my will. My consciousness is pushed into the back corner of my mind, and all I can do is watch while she hijacks my body.

I jump up and start to run, oblivious of the guards. Gaara curses behind me and soon after follows. The woman controlling my body doesn't even pay attention. She's too concentrated on that blue creature.

It is her child. I can sense her thoughts in my head. She's so glad to finally find her baby, but she is angry too. As soon as she frees her she's going to kill whoever is responsible for this.

I wonder who is responsible for it. What could they have been hoping to achieve with this? There must be some reason.

I run to the cage, reaching through the bars for the child. In her haste the woman runs my body right into the bars. I want to tell her to be careful with my body, but there's no way to get to her. She's oblivious to everything but her child.

The thing looks up and sees me. It has a pointed noise, and big eyes. Its body is covered in scales. It looks a lot like a fish actually, now that I see it up close. As I watch it opens its mouth, showing hundreds of small pointed teeth and starts to wail.

The woman's pain at the sound is nearly physical. She reaches out to her child to comfort it, somehow talking through me. In my trapped state I can still hear everything she says, and all that her child responds.

I hear its voice, tiny and high pitched in my head, as if it were right beside me, talking to me like a human, not some huge, bawling fish creature.

"_Mama? Mama, they told me you were dead. They told me I would never see you again." _I can hear the crying in my head now too.

"_I'm fine, little one."_ She answers. _"I've been looking for you for a long time, and now at last I've found you. Everything will be ok now I promise."_

"_I missed you."_

"_I missed you too."_

The child pushes up against the bars of its cage, getting as close to me, to her mother, as possible.

"_It hurts mama." _She says.

"_Where honey? Where did they hurt you?" _The woman's words sound calm, but I can feel her rage and her worry when she learns of this pain. Her emotions are overwhelming me.

The child doesn't answer. She just sighs and slumps down a little, pushing her snout out between the bars. That's when the woman turns inwards and speaks to me.

"_You know where she's hurt," _she says, _"so please help her now. You have to fix her." _She turns back to her child. _"This lady can make the hurt go away, so you're going to have to let her look at you now, OK? What happened to the boy I gave you? He'll keep you safe while I'm gone right? Didn't I tell you so?"_

"_I've been keeping him safe." _I hear, with half my attention on their conversation. I'm trying to feel for any injuries this child has. It has been maltreated, and I'm sickened that any human could have done such a thing. She's only a baby.

"_Where is he now?" _The mother asks again.

"_Sleeping. Do you want me to wake him up now? He's been sleeping for such a long time; I don't think he's tired anymore."_

I start concentrating my chakra for the healing process. This is a big job; I hope I can handle it. This is different than healing a human. In some ways it's easier; aided by her natural healing abilities, but this child's injuries are not merely physical in nature. There's something inside of her, blocking the healing. I explore further with my consciousness, looking for the source. If I can just unblock it her body should do the rest.

There it is. A body – a boy, curled up inside the demons body. It's still alive though, only sleeping. This must the boy they were talking about. He must also be what's blocking up the child's systems.

As I get closer though I feel another presence, something somehow more unnatural than a boy inside her body. I reach out and find a seal nearby. This is what's really doing the harm here.

It only takes me a minute to figure out how to unseal it. As soon as I do I can feel the demon's body starting to fix itself again.

I pull out of my trance in time to hear the child telling her mother that she's got 'him' there. I look to see who this boy they're talking about is anyway. The child is holding him out to her mother, showing her the boy, still curled up and sleeping.

"Naruto!" I scream, or at least, I would have if my body wasn't currently controlled by a demon of some sort.

Instead my body punches the bars of the cage, trying desperately to tear it open. As my hand collides with the metal I wince inwardly. That's going to hurt when I'm allowed back in my body.

The woman yells her frustration at her inability to free her child. "Why are you so weak?" she demands. I protest silently. I'm not weak; she just doesn't know how to use my body properly.

"You won't be able to open it."

The woman turns to face the man speaking to her. It's Luo. He's standing behind us, beside Gaara, who is just watching him. I'm surprised he hasn't killed Luo already, but I'm thankful for his presence of mind.

"_Let me out!"_ I yell at the woman, but she pushes me back. This is so much worse than that time Ino took over my body. This woman has all my personalities under control unfortunately. I need to speak with Luo.

"Let my child go." she says, through my mouth. Luo looks confused.

"Your child?" he raises an eyebrow at the demon behind me. "Is there something you're not telling me Sakura? Some... fetish you've got? Or are you really a demon in disguise? That would explain a lot of your behavior."

Trust Luo to make jokes in a situation like this.

"If you don't open that cage now and let her free I will kill you!"

Luo shakes his head. "I knew you'd be angry with me, but I thought you'd still at least be conflicted enough not to want to kill me so soon. But then again, you've wanted to kill me from the start…"

I want to yell at him, to tell him this obviously isn't really me, and that he's a fool not to have realized it by now, but there's still the small problem of being possessed that I have to overcome before I can do that.

"Release her!" She/I yells again.

Luo shrugs. "Sure. I never liked this part of the plan anyway." He walks brazenly past Gaara and me to open the cage. The door swings widely, as he steps back and gestures widely, smiling, to let the child out. "I hope you're happy. He's going to kill me now, even if you won't."

The woman inside of me laughs. "You're even more of a fool than Sakura thinks." she says, and lunges at him.

I try to fight her back, to keep myself from killing someone I really don't want to kill, but it's not enough. She knocks Luo back, with her hands around his throat.

"Not quite as good as my claws, but these will do." she hisses, squeezing the life out of Luo.

I scream at her, to make her stop, but in vain. I haven't felt so helpless for years, not since I was a little girl. But then something amazing happens.

Luo disappears in a puff of smoke. A clone. How could I not have seen it before? Relief floods through me. I know it's pretty twisted, but no matter what his role in all this is, I just don't want Luo to die, especially not by my own hands. And besides, I still want to ask him so many things.

The woman stands and brushes the dust off my knees. She turns to her child and holds out her hand. _"Let's go home little one. You'll have to leave the boy here."_

"_Wait!" _I yell mentally. _"I want to ask you…"_

"_You may ask me whatever you wish." _she answers gracefully. _"But please be quick – I don't want to be here any longer than necessary."_

"_Naturally. I just wanted to know… why did your child have Naruto inside of her? What is this all about?"_

"_I found your friend, some time ago. I don't know what he was looking for, but there was something in him that called to me. I had known something was going to happen to my baby – it came to me in a dream, just as I came to you. I needed something to protect my child because I knew that I wouldn't be enough. So I gave him to her, to keep safe until he would have to keep her safe. I never thought that she would be so selfless, as to keep him safe from everything, while she was being tormented like this. If I had known…"_

"_Why did they do this?"_

"_I don't know. It doesn't matter. They will pay for what they have done; you will see to it."_

"_Me?"_

"_I have to go home with my child now. There are… too many things I have left unattended. The world is in a horrible state because of this. Farewell now, and I thank you."_

I feel her leave like a breath exhaled from my chest, leaving me feeling strange and empty, but I only have to take another breath to feel fine again. I watch as her child lingers over Naruto for a moment longer, looking down at him, then at the sky. Finally she leans close over him, and I can't see what she does next, until she moves away from him and then follows her mother up into the sky.

"Naruto!" I yell, running over to his body lying face down in the sand. I turn him over and lay my head on his chest to listen to his heart. To my relief it sounds out loudly, beating regularly, healthy.

"Is he alive?" Gaara asks, walking up to stand right behind me. I look up at him and smile, and then nod. I look away again quickly, afraid that I'll start crying; I'm just so relieved to see Naruto alive, even if it doesn't make any sense.

"Sakura?"

I smile as Naruto opens his eyes and stares up at me groggily. He sits up quickly, overcompensating and nearly ending up face first in the sand again. "Where are we?" he asks.

"We're in the desert. What do you think?"

He makes a face. "I realized that much. But what am I doing here? I don't remember coming here at all."

I shrug. "I'm afraid I can't explain it any better than you. Well, not much anyway. There were these two demons, and one of them was keeping you in her chest…"

"What?? Sakura, you've lost it since the last time I saw you."

I nod, barely keeping back tears. Here he is, alive and well, just the same as he was last time I saw him, how long ago now? Months. Since before the drought. "A lot has happened since you left." I say.

He finally notices Gaara standing behind me. "Gaara?! What are you doing here?"

"This is my home." Gaara answers simply.

Naruto stands up, still as energetic as ever. He should rightly have atrophied muscles, after months of inactivity inside a demon, but he looks fine, and he _is_ fine. This is almost too happy to believe. "Well why are we standing around here? And what's with all those bodies over there?"

I turn to look where Naruto is pointing. Gaara doesn't look; I guess he already knows what's there. He wasn't wasting time while I was busy with the demons; he had all those ninjas to take care of. And take care of them he did. I look at him, and he looks back at me with a hard look in his eye.

I shrug and try a little smile before turning back to Naruto. "We have a lot to tell you on the way back."


	34. 33

I explained everything to him. The drought came first of course, being the thing that caused all this. It led to my mission, the first, failed one, and then this one. I told him all about the trial of Takeo and his team. I told him about my job at the hospital, even though that wasn't all that important. I just wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him, but I didn't. It didn't seem right somehow, because he felt like he had just seen me the day before, and I haven't seen him for… for too long.

I tell him about my dreams, but not Gaara's. Those are not mine to tell. When I told Naruto about the dreams he finally responded, saying he had a similar experience, with a blue demon.

"But I guess that was real, wasn't it?" he asks. He has that look of extreme confusion on his face, where his eyes get all squinty and his lip juts out past his toes. "It seemed too crazy to be real."

I can sympathize, and I do. He tells me just to keep going, so I tell him the rest. I tell him about Luo, sort of. I tell him how he was my bodyguard, and how he saved my life that night we were attacked in my room. I tell him that I trusted Luo, and that he might have betrayed that trust, but nothing is certain.

Gaara snorts as this part, and I round on him angrily. "What? It's true; nothing is certain. Sure, we saw Luo back there – but that was just a fake. Anyone could have made a double of him and sent it there."

Gaara shrugs and keeps walking. Naruto is staring between Gaara and me. "What the heck is going on, you guys?" he asks again.

"Nothing." I say. Gaara shrugs again, and I continue my story. I tell Naruto about my students. He especially seems to like this part, and asks me what they're like.

I tell him about the murder last. How Takeo and Kimura were murdered, just when their trial was nearing a close. And how I was under suspicion, because I was the one they hurt.

"Well that's stupid." Naruto says. "You would never do something like that!"

I put an arm around his shoulders and laugh. "Well, sure, you know that. But people here don't know me like you do."

He shrugs. We've been walking for a long time now. The sun rose a few hours ago; it wouldn't be wise to continue any further today, and I tell Gaara so.

He looks back at me, then back out to the horizon impatiently. "There's something wrong in the city." he says. His impatience is written all over his body, in the tense line of his shoulders, his legs ready to run. But Naruto is tired, despite what he said earlier about feeling like he's rested a long time. He has rested a long time; it's true, too long. His muscles aren't used to moving anymore.

"We have to stop." I argue. "If we get there and we're exhausted, we'll be useless if we have to face an enemy."

Gaara looks at me then back out again. He makes a small, uncharacteristic noise of annoyance, almost inaudible. I'm pretty sure that Naruto missed it.

Naruto flops down in the sand, and I lay down beside him. Gaara sits down a little ways away, aloof. Seeing him withdraw like that hurts, even though it's not like we were close before. I don't know why it should hurt. For some reason I want to get up and stand beside him, and remind him of the time we ate noodles in my room. I want to tell him that yesterday as I watched the sun rising on his face I think I… I fell in love.

I shake my head and turn back to Naruto as I realize he's been talking and I haven't heard a word he said.

"-Because when I woke up this morning, when you woke me up, I felt great! Better than I've felt in a long time, but now… I just feel weak." He pouts. "I'm not used to feeling weak."

I pat his shoulder. "Well I am." I tell him, half joking, "And you get used to it."

Naruto looks at me with that old, intense look on his face. "You're not weak Sakura." he says. "You're really strong, and better than that – you're smart. There are lots of strong people in the world, but there aren't many as smart as you."

I snort. "Are you sure you're ok? You sound kind of crazy – not like you at all."

He blows air out loudly through his lips, up into his hair. "I'm just so tired…" He closes his eyes and within moments he is snoring loudly.

I look back at Gaara. He's still sitting with his back turned to us, looking in the direction of the city.

"What was she, do you think?" I ask him.

He shrugs. "You should rest." he tells me, and is silent. I shake my head at him, and turn my back to him. If he wants to be that way, fine. We don't have to talk. What good is talk anyway?

It's just that… I want to talk.

"_Sakura I'm sorry. Can we please just talk?"_

_I sit up and face Luo. Wrong person; not the one I wanted to talk to. But he's here and... Naruto is still snoring loudly beside me, and Gaara is still sitting over there, with his back turned to me. He hasn't even reacted to Luo's appearance._

"_You're still asleep." Luo tells me, knowing already what I'm thinking. "I'm not really here, not physically. But I really do want to talk, this is real enough."_

"_Fine then let's talk."_

_He smiles, his usual dazzling smile. No wonder I thought I was in love._

"_Good."_

_I wait for him to explain himself, but he just keeps smiling. His smile slips a little as I wait. "I… I kind of figured you would have questions to ask me."_

_I can't help smiling at him. "Do you ever plan anything?"_

_He shrugs. "You do have questions, don't you? You wondering why I…"_

"_Yeah, I'm wondering why. I was wondering 'if' too for a while. I still am, a little."_

_He sighs. "I guess I didn't really give you much warning."_

"_Much warning? How about no warning at all? One minute you tell me you love me, the next minute you've murdered two people and left me all alone!"_

_He flinches under my outburst. "I know. I'm sorry! I just…" he turns to me and takes my hands in his. "I do love you, you know. And I was…I didn't really have a choice. I would have stayed if I had a choice."_

"_You always have a choice Luo."_

"_You're right. You're always right." He says, letting go of my hands and putting his head in his hands. He looks so sad and worn out, I just want to hug him. But I don't._

"_I didn't kill Takeo and Kimura." he says, almost as an aside. 'Oh, by the way, I didn't murder those two people.'_

"_Neither did I." I say dryly, "But I was still suspected."_

_He shrugs. "What can you do?"_

_I nudge his shoulder with mine, feeling a wave of fondness for him. No matter what trouble it is he's gotten himself into, I still like Luo. Right now I feel less like a lover to him than a big sister, or his mother even. "So if you didn't kill them," I ask, "then who did?"_

"_I can't tell you that." he says, refusing to look me in the eye._

_I sigh deeply. "We're not going to get anywhere like this."_

"_I know. I'm sorry." He apologizes again. "But I really can't tell you. I have an obligation, of a sort."_

"_Ok fine, let's move on. Now that 'if' has been ruled out, how about you tell me why." I suggest gently. "And maybe you could explain exactly what happened back there too."_

"_It's not over." he says quietly._

"_I know." I answer. I feel like I've known for a long time, like the whole time I've been in this country my subconscious has been telling me that something is wrong. I guess this is it._

"_It's because of him." Luo says, gesturing at Gaara with his chin. He doesn't look at me as he goes on. "I don't believe in him; too many of us don't. He can't be the Kazekage - the leader of our country. That man is a monster. How can he love our people when he doesn't even love his own family? A man who loves death like he does can't love a country the way our leader needs to."_

"_I… I…" I try to think of something to say, but nothing will come._

_Luo turns and smiles at me. "I know you don't agree with me. You don't want to believe he's a monster because you love him."_

_I open my mouth to disagree, but he keeps talking._

"_You don't have to lie to me anymore. It was my job to know you remember? I knew before you even admitted it."_

"_Psh." I push his shoulder playfully, despite the pain in my chest. "You're so full of yourself."_

_He shakes his head and smiles crookedly. He's upset. "Nah. If I was really full of myself I'd be telling you that you love me. As it is…"_

"_I'm sorry Luo." I say, faced with a sudden realization. This isn't real; it never was. "I don't love you."_

"_I know." He replies, and pats my hand, scrunched up in a fist on my knee. "I always knew, I just hoped… Well anyway, that's never going to happen now. I doubt there's much chance of us getting back together after all this."_

_I smile ruefully and shake my head. "I'm sorry it ended up like this."_

"_Me too." he agrees. I ruffle his hair with my hand, and he turns to me abruptly, to kiss me. I let him do so, feeling only the ghost of his touch before the dream fades away._

I sit up and look at Gaara's back. It's still daylight, and Naruto is still sleeping. I feel oddly light. Sort of free. I get up and stand behind Gaara, watching the horizon with him. For all the things I've found out here, in the desert, I thank it. For the peace I've finally gained.

"Are you ready to go?" Gaara asks.

"Of course." I answer, turning to glance at Naruto. "But I'm not the one we're waiting for."

He shrugs and turns back around.

"What do you think is waiting for you in the city, that you need to get back so quickly?"

He shrugs again. "I'm not sure. I just feel like something is wrong." We both fall quiet for a long time then, until he speaks again. "This isn't your battle you know."

"What do you mean?" I ask, obscurely offended that he would shrug me off too.

"It's my fight. You don't have to get involved."

I crouch down beside him; almost close enough to touch his shoulder, but not quite. "This is hardly just your fight anymore. I think if anything happens now, it's going to involve a lot of people. And I just happen to be one of them, so there's no stopping me now."

It might just have been my imagination, or my silly girlish hopes, but I'm pretty sure I saw Gaara smile.


	35. 34

Once Naruto wakes up ("Feeling better than ever!") we keep moving. Gaara sets a quick pace, so that we reach Suna sooner than I expected.

As soon as we set foot in the city the uneasy feeling in my stomach intensifies. I look to Gaara to see if he feels the same, but it's impossible to read his expression in this dark.

The streets are empty. It's true that Suna nights are much quieter than in Konoha, but there would still be some people out and about, even at this hour. No city ever truly sleeps.

Except tonight.

Gaara makes a small noise, something that sounds like a growl, and then takes off at a run. Naruto and I quickly follow. I feel like I'm on another night run almost, except that these two are with me now, and there's something waiting for us at the end of this run; I'm sure of it.

We come out into the square in front of the government building. At first I don't see anything, but I follow Gaara's gaze to the roof and see there a figure standing, silhouetted in the moonlight. It looks familiar, but I'm not quite sure until…

"Kankuro!" Gaara yells. "What has happened? Where is everyone?"

"They've all gone underground, little brother." Kankuro replies, spitting out the last two words with such spite that I nearly take a step back such is my surprise. "For the coming battle."

"What battle?" Gaara asks. I don't think he noticed the way Kankuro threw his words at him. Naruto must have missed it too, judging by the way he's looking around for an enemy, one who is standing right in front of us.

Then Luo appears beside Kankuro in a cloud of smoke. They confer quietly for a while, but by the time I've adjusted my chakra so that I can hear better they've finished talking.

"Sakura," Luo yells down to me. Naruto jumps to place himself between us, about to yell something back at Luo, but I place a restraining hand on his shoulder, and quietly tell him who Luo is. "You should leave here. Don't get involved in this; it doesn't concern you."

"How can you say that, knowing what you do?" I yell back. "There's no way I'm leaving now!"

"Me neither!" Naruto yells back.

Luo's shoulders slump slightly as Kankuro makes a small movement, and suddenly dozens of ninjas appear around us. We're surrounded.

"You were supposed to be alone Gaara." Kankuro says. I can hear the smugness in his voice. "But no matter."

I turn to Gaara, who has been silent. He's not looking up at Kankuro, as one would have expected. He's looking down, his face hidden in shadows.

"Nothing to say brother?" Kankuro goes on to ask. "No exclamations of surprise, of betrayal, learning that your own, dear brother is going to kill you?"

I never realized that Kankuro was such a bastard. I thought he and Gaara were getting along. I thought the past was over.

"How can you just stand there?" Kankuro demands, growing annoyed with Gaara's silence. "This is the end Gaara! You have no place left to run, no one left to revive you when you die, no one left who loves you, not even your own brother! Where are your supporters now? Where is our dear sister to stand up for you now? Aren't you going to cry, or scream? Aren't you infuriated? Answer me!"

Gaara looks up at last. The moonlight shines off his face, so that he becomes another moon of his own. He looks so serene, despite this betrayal. This isn't so strange to him, that it can shock him anymore. My heart feels like it's crumbling in my chest. It's too sad. How could Kankuro do this to his own brother? If Gaara won't ask the questions Kankuro wants to hear, I will.

But I keep silent. It's not my place to speak; this is between Gaara and his brother.

"You shut up!" Naruto yells suddenly, surprising me out of my thoughts. "I hate your type most of all! Acting like you're such a great guy, but it's only an act! I used to think you were a good guy, but not anymore! You're just scum! Now, I'm just going to beat you up!" He points a menacing finger at Kankuro, and I feel something like relief wash through me. I know we're in a dire situation, and that we might not make it out alive, but to have Naruto acting like he always used to just makes me feel so much better. It's like being home.

Kankuro laughs. "Fine." With a cry, he sets his puppets upon us, both the human and inhuman ones.

It takes only a moment for me to realize that Gaara is frozen. I fight my way through to him, to protect him. His sand armor seems to have taken most of the damage, but there's no way he can stay alive if he won't even fight for it.

I try to yell at him, to get him to wake up, while fighting off the shinobi who are attacking, but he doesn't react. I want to shake him, to hold him, slap him – anything to get him to wake up, but there is no time. All of my attention is taken up by the attackers.

Then suddenly, Naruto is beside me, fighting with me.

"What's wrong with him?" he asks. I shake my head; I can't help. "Come on Sakura, you've got to do something! You've got to be able to get through to him. I'll hold these losers off!"

I nod, and duck a blow. I move to stand right beside Gaara. For a moment nobody moves, and Naruto stands twitching, at the ready for another attack. But I'm only half paying attention to them now.

"Gaara, snap out of it!" I plead. I put my hands on either side of his face and try to look into his eyes, but he's staring through me, past me. I turn to see what it is he's staring at, but there's nothing there. "Gaara please."

I shake his shoulders, but he still won't react. How can this be happening? This isn't like Gaara at all.

"I'm scared." I whisper, thinking no one can hear me.

"Don't be. I won't let anyone hurt you; it's my job."

I spin around to face Luo, thinking he's come to fight with us, but he's still looking at Gaara with a hard look in his eyes. He grabs me and tears me away from Gaara, then jumps out of the fray, leaving Naruto and Gaara behind.

"Stop!" I yell, watching the scene get farther behind. "Let me go!"

"I can't keep you from harm back there Sakura." He says, letting me down anyway. He still holds my arms as I stare over his shoulder at the distant battle. "Please just stay away. I don't want anything to happen to you."

I look at him, with what I hope is a withering glare. "I'm not going to do that. And you can't keep me here."

"I can try."

I tear my arms out of his grip and try to jump over him, but he grabs my ankle and pulls me back. I answer with a kick to the face, and flip backwards to land on my feet. Luo stands, rubbing his chin, and shakes his head.

"I can't let you go back there." he repeats, settling in to a fighting position and facing me. This time he charges me.

I don't want to fight Luo, but he isn't giving me much of a choice, and there's no way I'm going to let him hold me back now. It's time to stop fooling around.

Luo jumps back to avoid a chakra loaded punch, and another. I keep driving him back until he reaches the end of the rooftop, and he is forced to jump across to the next one.

I glare at him across the distance, and I'm about to jump over to join him, but a loud cry sounds out across the city, many voices yelling at once, calling each other. Luo and I both freeze, and watch the battle below.

We stand still as people appear from everywhere, out of windows, racing across rooftops and through alleyways to join the battle. I watch in amazement as they corner the enemy, and smile as Kankuro is surrounded by six elite sand shinobi. Let's see him get out of this one.

"You ok?"

I turn to see Temari standing right beside me, holding her giant fan spread out behind her. She looks ready to jump in and join the fray.

"I'm fine, but Gaara…"

Temari nods with a grim look on her face. "It must have hurt, to realize it was Kankuro. We've had suspicions, but he wouldn't believe…" She shakes her head, leaning forward just a tiny bit more. I can tell she's impatient. "In any case, we can talk later – this isn't the time. I have another brother to take care of right now."

I nod in assent, and she jumps away, landing close to Kankuro, who turns to her. I can see their lips moving – they're talking, but I can't hear what they're saying. I remember Luo suddenly, and spin around to face him, but he's nowhere to be found. I move in closer to the battle to see that all of Kankuro's people have laid down their weapons and surrendered. They're all wearing blank headbands. Well, this does explain a lot… I think. I can tell Naruto is in the same boat as me – but still a whole lot more confused than even me. And still, I don't see Luo anywhere.

I want to smash something; I'm so frustrated. How can I not have seen it? How could I not have noticed something like this – whatever this is, a rebellion, a family feud or what – happening. It's obvious that everyone else saw it coming. But what gets me the most is how badly I misjudged Luo's character.

And yet…

I can't bring myself to hate him. I guess because I do understand where he's coming from. I used to feel the same way after all. And no doubt I'm more sympathetic because he loved me. Everyone will think I'm stupid for believing him after he deceived me in everything else, but I believe that little at least. I'm sure he loved me. Loves me.

I shake my head, trying to clear these thoughts from my head. This is not what I need to be thinking about right now. It's as Temari said – this is not the time.

I jump off the roof to land beside Naruto. He turns his head and smiles at me.

"That was as good as any surprise attack I've ever launched." He admits.

"If by 'as good' you mean 'way better and actually logical' then yes, it was."

He pouts at my insult. I just want to hug him – so I do. "I missed you." I say quietly in his ear, so as not to be heard by all the people standing around us.

When I let go I see that no one is even looking at us. They're all looking upwards, to the roof. I look too. Kankuro is being cuffed by a man, as Temari watches on, speaking to him.

I look around, but I don't see Gaara. "Where's Gaara?" I whisper to Naruto.

He shrugs. "He started moving just after you were taken away, and started fighting. He took out all of Kankuro's puppets, and then I lost him. He must be here somewhere."

Naruto seems unconcerned, but I am far from it. This is the end of the battle. The good guys have won again; Gaara was on the winning side, fighting for the right, so why has he disappeared now?


	36. 35

Kankuro was led away to be imprisoned, along with the rest of his rebellion. Because that's what they were, or at least, what the others thought they were about. Temari says she doubts Kankuro was truly thinking about a revolution all this time, not like his followers. They were like Luo, wanting another leader, for the most part. Some of them though, weren't even Suna shinobi.

She sent everyone else home after that. We stood in the square for a while longer, the three of us, Naruto, Temari and I. She told us she wanted to talk, to answer any of our questions, if we weren't too tired.

"Well, I'm still wired from the fight." Naruto said, and I had to agree. So we all came here, to her house, to talk.

We're sitting in her living room now, in the dim light of a lamp. It's strange, but her house isn't much nicer than mine. I guess I expected her to have a really nice house, as nice as the rooms in the embassy, designed by a professional to look good. And big – I expected it to be big. After seeing her house, for the first time I wonder where Gaara lives – what it looks like. How strange that I've never even thought of it before.

As it is, it's just like anyone else's house. Just like mine, but with less windows. Windows aren't very practical, especially here in Suna, I suppose.

Temari tried to explain the rebels to us. She told us there has always been dissent among the people of Suna, and when Gaara was appointed Kazekage, a lot of people were doubtful. Most people have learned to live with it; after all, Gaara is not a bad Kazekage. "He's probably one of the best we've ever had," Temari says, "but some people just wouldn't believe the proof they had right in front of them. Some people are too ignorant and prejudiced to see what a good leader he is."

For the past few months things have been especially strained. Temari and others in the council suspected a rebellion in the city. Some of the council members wanted to go out and stop it before it had the chance to begin, but Gaara wouldn't allow it. He didn't want them to go out and spread any more fear among his people.

The drought only made matters worse. There was no longer only the fear of the people inside the city, but other countries. Suna wasn't affected as much as other countries, being accustomed to the desert's conditions. Many talked of war, but Gaara wasn't about to take action against other countries, even if others would try to push him to it.

"He wasn't making himself very popular among the politicians." Temari says with a sigh. "Even if he was doing the right thing for us."

Now I understand the force in his voice that night, when he told me there must not be a war between us. He was being pushed to it, by his own people.

"But why would Kankuro try to kill his own brother?" Naruto asks. For the past while he's been looking confused, bored, on the verge of sleep even.

"Yeah, I thought they were friendly now." I put in.

"I thought so too." Temari says, her shoulder slumping a little. She rubs her temples with her fingers and sighs again. "I guess we were all mistaken in this case." She pauses for a second, but as she seems like she'll add more I wait in silence. Naruto, surprisingly, does the same. "It's the same thing his uncle did to him. I don't… I can't imagine how he must be feeling right now."

I don't know what to say. Naruto sits back and mutters something about Kankuro being a big jerk. I might say the same.

"Well, so what about those two demons?" I ask finally.

"What two demons?" Temari asks, looking confused. "More tailed monsters?"

"I don't think so, not like the ones that were sealed inside Naruto and Gaara. They were… fish I think. You didn't know about them?"

She shakes her head.

"I thought they were part of the plan. That's what Luo said; this part of the plan. I wonder what that was?"

Temari shrugs and we fall into another thoughtful silence. The silence is broken after a moment by Naruto's snore.

I smile ruefully. "I guess it's time for us to get going." I say and start to stand.

"Leave him." Temari says. "I don't really have anywhere else to put him. The embassy has been turned into a sort of hospital for now. You might want to stay here too."

"I can go help out there!" I offer. I would appreciate something to do now.

"No no, I'm sure Seri's got everything under control. If you go now and tire yourself out she'll only yell at me, and you too. You can stay here tonight too."

I sit back down. "Alright."

I am very tired, now that I think of it. I've been awake for a long time now; the sun rose outside about an hour ago. And the past night has been so stressful, both physically and emotionally. Maybe it would be better just to sleep…

I wake up later when I hear someone coming in, and not through the door. I wait for a moment, still pretending to be asleep, to see who it might be.

"Gaara?" I hear Temari's voice, speaking softly. She doesn't want to wake us. "What are you doing here? Where have you been?"

"I've been thinking." He answers. I wait, tense, for what feels like eternity before he speaks again. "You should take over for me."

"What?" In her surprise Temari forgets to speak quietly. She remembers a moment later though, as she goes on. "Why would you say something like that?"

"I shouldn't be Kazekage. No one believes I can do it; no one really likes me. Everyone is just pretending, because I have power. They think I can make our country strong, maybe, but that's not what we need now. Suna needs you."

"Stop it."

"It's true. You know it's true. You would be much better as Kazekage. They believe in you."

"I mean it – stop it. It isn't true. You think everyone is just pretending to like you? Why would so many have come to your rescue then? We care about you Gaara. I care about you; you're my brother, and I don't want you to do this."

Gaara is quiet for a long time again. I want to look, to see his face. But if I show myself then I'm afraid he'll run away again.

"Why does he hate me Temari?" Gaara asks quietly. "Why would he hate me, unless I was the problem? I have to be a bad person, or else he wouldn't hate me." He doesn't sound sad to me. He sounds angry. And I can understand. It isn't fair and it doesn't make sense. I would be angry too, in fact, I _am _angry.

"Because…" A sob escapes Temari. "I don't know. I don't know Gaara."

"My own family doesn't even believe in me Temari. How can I be Kazekage?"

"I believe in you Gaara. You're a good Kazekage." Temari says. She's starting to sound frustrated. "I wish you could see that. You have to look past this to other matters. We need you now Gaara."

He doesn't answer. The room is silent for a long time, and then I hear Temari crying softly. Gaara must be gone again.

I turn my face towards the pillow. It's wet. I realize that I've been crying too. This business has been bad; it's broken too many hearts.

* * *

**Yay holidays!**


	37. 36

I wake up the next morning on Temari's couch with a sore neck. Naruto is still sleeping, of course. I've known a lot of people in my life, but I've never known one who sleeps as deeply as Naruto. And he's a ninja, for crying out loud. You would expect a ninja to be a light sleeper – to barely sleep at all – but Naruto is anything but. Maybe in this case, the exception really does prove the rule.

Or something.

Temari is gone already. No doubt she's terribly busy with this awful business. No doubt the whole city will be a bit of a mess for a while.

I trundle into her kitchen, enjoying the semblance of being groggy from sleep, and try to find the coffee machine. To my dismay, and horror, I find that Temari does not have one. How does she live?

But then I think: Maybe it's better that I don't have coffee. I've been having enough trouble sleeping as it is; I don't really need to add caffeine to the mix.

But I do. Oh, how I need it.

I glance at Naruto through the doorframe. He's still soundly sleeping, and I don't think he'll be awake for a while yet. Plenty of time for me to go out and find someplace that will sell me a cup of coffee, if anything is open today.

I step out into the bright morning sun, and am momentarily blinded. I stand in the doorway, waiting for my vision to return for a moment, before heading out.

To my surprise, when I get out into the streets, nothing seems to have changed. Everyone is still out and about; stores are all open, and advertising whatever they happen to be selling. People all around, laughing and talking, yelling, haggling, as if nothing has happened, and this is just an ordinary day.

It's not hard to find a coffee shop. I order my plain coffee, fill it with sugar and cream, and then head back to Temari's place.

On my way back though, I get distracted as I walk past the courthouse. It seems busier than usual; no wonder.

I walk up the wide steps and into the cool shade of the entrance. Once I get inside though, I don't know what it is exactly that I was planning to do here. I can't really just walk up and ask what's happening. Well, I suppose I could, but what good would it do? What do I want to know anyway?

I want to know where Gaara is.

I turn and head back down the stairs, but I stop and sit on the bottom step instead of going back out onto the street. What am I doing? Why am I here? I was sent here on an uncertain mission, but it turns out that I wasn't really needed for that mission. Suna doesn't need peacekeeping ambassadors from other countries, not while Gaara is Kazekage. Temari told us herself; he'll do what is right.

My heart feels strangely twisted, light and heavy at the same time. I want to see him. I want to tell him I love him, but since I know I won't be able to do that, I'd just like to say instead that he is a good leader, and a good person, and there's no reason for him to think otherwise no matter what his asshole brother said or did to him. I want to tell him I'm glad I came here. I want him to love me.

I'm so pathetic, sitting here, wishing for some man to love me. I'm supposed to be grown up, independent, but I still seem to need the love of a man. I should be past this. I should be over him, before it even started.

This is stupid.

I jump to my feet and shake myself up, in an attempt to rouse myself from the thoughtless daze I've fallen into. What am I doing, sitting on the steps like this? I should be getting back to Naruto. What would he think if he woke up all alone?

He'd be fine, and I know it. He's always been the independent one, despite his inferior brain power. I'm the one who's always depending on others.

I stand up to leave, and just as I'm walking away I hear a voice.

"Sakura!"

I turn to find just the man I was about to go looking for. Naruto stands at the other end of the street, waving wildly.

"Sakura, come see this!" He yells and runs off down the street. I hurry to follow. He leads me down another street that seems strangely empty, but soon enough I realize why. Everyone is gathered in a crowd, watching something. Naruto is at the back, jumping up and down trying to see. He waves me over, and I join him, just as unable to see over the crowd as he.

"What is it?" I ask him.

"Just look." He tells me. He makes a clone of himself so that he can stand on its back to see over the crowd. After a moment of hesitation I grab his shoulder and climb up with him.

There, over the heads of the crowd, I can see into the window of a store filled with rows of televisions. And on those televisions, giving what seems to be a speech is the Kazekage himself.

I've never been so happy to see anything on TV. I nearly fall off Naruto's back when I see him, but I manage to keep a hold on his shoulder, if only to keep watching Gaara's face. It's hard to hear what he's saying from this distance, but I doubt I would get any of it anyway. My mind is too busy rushing off in other directions.

He didn't run away. This must mean he's staying; he'll keep on as Kazekage. So I'll have to see him again, at least once right?


	38. 37

The day passes and Gaara is all around me. His face, plastered on televisions across the city, his name on everyone's lips, his voice, always present below the hum of voices, the words meaning nothing to me, as I only listen to the sound, wishing he was here, talking to me.

The man himself is nowhere to be found. At least, not for me.

Naruto insisted I take him on a tour of the city, so I kindly obliged, even though it drove me crazy, this city with Gaara on the brain, just like me, but with no sign of the real Gaara anywhere.

Now I'm lying in bed, back in my room. It's funny, that it's become my room, even though I still don't really like it, even though my cactus is gone.

It's funny.

The sun is setting outside, turning the room red. This is the most active time in Suna, when everyone comes out, when the heat is bearable, even to foreigners. But I'm staying inside tonight. I don't feel like talking to anyone. Well, there's one person…

It doesn't matter. That's what I tell myself again and again. I am nothing. Only a weapon. A weapon.

I never used to believe it. I never wanted it to be true. We used to fight against that notion, as children, Naruto most of all. We had to have meaning back then. There had to be something more to being a ninja than to be a tool, only useful as far as the government could use us.

I'm not sure how I feel anymore.

I bury my face in the pillows and burrow under the blankets, despite the heat. It's safe under here, in the dark.

Who am I kidding? Nowhere is safe. Not anymore.

I find myself wishing that Gaara would visit me again, if only to ask another favor of me. I almost wish that there was more trouble, because that might bring us together again. What is there to bring us together now?

I peek out from under the blankets when someone knocks on the door. Outside, in the hallway. Could it be him?

I get up, holding the blankets around me and walk to the door.

"Yes? Who is it?" I call through the door.

"It's me, Watanabe."

At the sound of Watanabe voice my heart drops. But I shake myself off, telling myself I'm being stupid. Of course it would be Watanabe. Who else would be knocking at the door? Naruto and Temari would just walk in, and Luo will never be knocking at my door again, and Gaara…

"Aren't you coming to supper?" Watanabe asks.

"No thanks. I'm not feeling well." I answer. It's not really lying right? After all, I do feel crappy, even if it's not an actual physical sickness.

"Oh ok. Well, I hope you feel better soon. Bye." he says, sounding almost timid. There's no sound of footsteps retreating outside, but I know he's gone, and I return to bed. If I could just sleep, then at least time would pass without my noticing.

"_Thank you Sakura. You have done well."_

_I look up to find the woman standing in my room. When she smiles at me I realize that she is really the most beautiful creature alive._

"_Where's your daughter?" I ask, pushing myself up onto my elbow._

_She doesn't stop smiling, she just points up. I look up to see what she's pointing at and see the ceiling is gone, and she is pointing at the sky, and gathering clouds._

I wake up to hear a very unusual noise.

Thunder.

I get up and go to the window. It's dark outside by now, but I can still make out the clouds in the sky, and the people in the street. They're holding each other and cheering, and singing. Parents hold children on their shoulders so they can be closer to the sky, while others dance in the streets. Some people are even weeping, reaching their hands towards the sky.

It's raining.

The skies have finally opened up and shown some pity on the people down below. And I think I know why.

The rain falls in sheets, soaking people to the skin within seconds, falling as though there is no tomorrow, as though to make up for all the months of drought.

I stand on the balcony, so I can stand under the rain too. Soon I'm soaked through and freezing. I can't just stand here, but where will I go? There's only one person I want to see.

There's a feeling in my stomach, almost the same as the one I felt days ago, when looking for the child in the desert. I know where to go.

I leap from my balcony to the nearest rooftop, over the heads of the rejoicing people below, and nearly slip on my landing, only saved by my quick reaction and a little help from chakra. Then I'm on my way, out across rooftops, over heads that may be looking up, but can barely see me through the rain.

The rain makes tinny noises, falling on the roofs around me. The downpour is so strong that I can't even make out the individual drops, only a constant noise.

And then I'm out of the city, running across sands. The sound out here is different, much quieter, sort of mellow.

That's where I find him, in the middle of nowhere. He's just standing there, under the downpour. He doesn't look up the sky, as everyone else did. He doesn't look especially happy, he just looks like himself. Like Gaara.

He looks up as I approach. "It's her isn't it?" he asks, and I know exactly who he means. I like that we have something in common, something that no one else would understand like this.

I nod, and step closer to him. I wish I had brought an umbrella or something. I'd like to stand under an umbrella with him.

What a silly girl I am. I never realized how childish I could be until this moment. And now I don't know what to say.

"You look like a drowned rat." Gaara says, surprising me out of my romantic imaginings. "A pink wet rat."

"Well you don't look much better." I retort. "Red isn't much more flattering on a rat than pink. Shades of the same colour, you know."

He smiles, and I step closer again. All that stands between us is a wall of rain. I can break through that, can't I?

"So what are you doing out here? The party's in town." I say casually. Or at least in what I hope is a casual tone. I don't know how to steer the conversation around to the fact that I love him.

"I don't feel like partying." He says, reminding me that his brother just tried to kill him, and start a rebellion to overthrow his government. And here I am, worrying about a stupid little thing like my feelings.

"I'm sorry Gaara."

He looks at me with that look of his that makes me feel like he's looking right through me, that he can see every little part of me, all my thoughts. It makes me feel naked.

"Why would you be sorry?" he asks, the obvious question. But while I'm still thinking about Kankuro, he's moved on. "It's finally raining after months of drought. The people are safe. 'The good guys have won,' right?" He says, and looks down. "You can go home." He mumbles.

_Home._ He means Konoha. He's thinking of my house, my apartment where I used to live. He means that city of rains and green, of traffic, billboards. That city of lights.

But what about this city?

I never meant for it to happen, but I've fallen in love with this city too, where the lights aren't quite so bright, the people not quite so loud. Where the sun shines so brightly everyone stays inside. This city where it hardly ever rains, but when it does, the people have a party in the streets.

I never meant for it to happen, but that ugly, plant-less room I was given, even without the cactus, that room is home to me just as much as my room in Konoha.

Just like how I never meant to fall in love with him.

"Gaara." He looks up as I say his name. It comes out of me almost unwillingly, without thought. And I start to ramble. I don't know what it is about him that makes me babble on like I do. "When I first came here, to Suna, I didn't like it. It was far from home and unfamiliar and too hot. I thought at first that it was such an unfriendly city, a lonely city. I didn't like how dim the lights were, because the lights in Konoha are always so bright. I loved bright lights because bright lights are what I was used to. You understand?" I look to him, but he's staring at me with a blank look on his face. "No, I guess I'm not making much sense am I? I don't know what I'm trying to say exactly… I guess, when I first came, I didn't like the desert. I was afraid of the desert; I thought it would kill me, given the chance." I know I'm just repeating myself, but I keep going anyway. "But now…" I hold my hand out to Gaara, half hoping he'll take it, but he doesn't move, and I drop my hand back to my side. "Now I love the desert."

He is silent. I stare at my feet, wishing he understood.

"I wish I had brought an umbrella." I mumble.

And he gives me one. An umbrella of sand forms up from the ground, and covers our heads. I look up at him and smile, mumble thanks.

He takes my hand. "Sorry," he murmurs, "I didn't realize what you wanted at first."

Our hands are cold and wet, and it's hardly romantic, I guess, but I don't care. Someone else, looking at us from the outside would think it silly, but I'm happy. I can't stop smiling.

"I'm glad you love the desert." He says. "And I'm sorry you lost your cactus."


	39. 38

He walks me home. Or rather, back to my room. We don't talk much, but he never lets go of my hand, and I never let go of his.

When we get back into the city the streets have mostly emptied out. Everyone has retreated inside at last, to go to bed. After all, it is very late.

Instead of going through the front entrance of the embassy Gaara takes me around the back of the building, right under my window. There he stops and turns to me, and takes my other hand. For a moment I think he's going to kiss me, and I'm not sure what to do, but then I feel myself being lifted from the ground. I look down at our feet and see what should have been obvious; sand. Gaara lifts us up onto my balcony, where the sand retreats, so that we are alone again.

Maybe it's really weird of me, but I don't feel like we're alone when his sand is around. It's too much like a living thing.

"I guess this is goodnight." I say. He nods, and I give him a quick kiss before turning to open the door into my room. I rush inside, embarrassed beyond reason – it's only a little kiss for god's sake! – and close the door behind me. It takes me a couple of seconds to work up the courage to turn around again, and when I do Gaara is gone. The balcony is empty once again.

I get into bed and lie awake for a long time before falling asleep, still smiling.

"_Where will you go now?"_

_Luo shrugs. "You know I don't plan things out in advance like that."_

_I smile. How true. "So you have no plan at all."_

"_Well, not no plan exactly." He says, rocking back and forth on his heels. He's still wearing the clothes he wore the last time I saw him, and he looks fine. I don't think he'll get himself into any more trouble. Well, not much more anyway. Nothing as big as that rebellion._

"_So what is the plan then?" I ask. I don't really expect him to have any plan at all. He probably just said he had a plan so he doesn't look to irresponsible. But now I figure, he'll have to just shrug and admit he really doesn't have a plan._

"_The plan is not to get caught." He says, smiling brilliantly._

_I sigh and shake my head at him. "That plan is basically the same as no plan. Do you have anywhere to go?"_

"_I can think of a few places I'll try." He kneels beside me and pats my shoulder. "Of course, I can't tell you where these places are. Just in case, you understand." I roll my eyes and he goes on. "Don't you worry about me Sakura. I'm a grown man; I'll be just fine."_

_I take his hand in mine and study his palm, as if I could read it. Unfortunately, that's one art I never learned. I put his hand down and look up at him. Funny, how holding his hand is completely different from holding Gaara's hand._

"_We have to stop meeting like this." I say._

_Luo stops smiling, and turns away a bit. His shoulders sag and he nods. "I know. That's why I really came to see you. This is the last time I promise, and I'll be out of your life forever. I just wanted to say goodbye." He turns and smiles again. "Everybody loves closure right?"_

_I jump up and into his arms, wrapping him in a hug. "Good bye Luo." I say into his shoulder. "I'll miss you."_

_He hugs me back. I feel like I'm losing an old friend. After all that we've been through, I feel like Luo and I know each other as well as any childhood friends. It's really too bad it had to turn out like this._

"_Good bye Sakura. Have a nice life."_

I wake up much later than I usually do, after the sun has risen. But I guess it doesn't really matter; it's not like I have anything to do.

I get up and dress leisurely then go downstairs to have breakfast with all the other late risers. In other words, with the real politicians.

I sit at a table by myself, not knowing anyone, or caring to get to know them, enough to feel comfortable sitting with them. Now I'm wishing that I had just stayed in my room to eat breakfast. I had thought that it would be better for me to get out of there; that I should be in the company of people, but now that I'm here, I'm just eating as quickly as possible so that I can get out of here. I only catch little bits and pieces of the conversations going on around me, but even those are boring enough to make me want to go back to bed. You'd think that after a recent uprising even bureaucrats would have more interesting conversations.

I'm almost done eating when Naruto shows up. He yells my name from the doorway and then comes bounding in to sit beside me. Everyone in the room stares at him for a while, but soon enough they go back to their boring talk.

"I've been looking all over for you." Naruto says, eyeing my food hungrily. I push what's left of it over to him. He would always eat whatever I didn't want.

"Did you even bother looking in my room?"

He eyes me stupidly for a moment and then shakes his head. He chews for a moment and swallows before continuing to speak. "I didn't think you would sleep so late. You never sleep this late."

"You don't know the half of it." I mutter under my breath. Last night was the first night of real sleep I've had in months.

"But anyway, Temari will be angry with me now, for taking so long to find you. She was expecting you in her office hours ago. I thought for a while you had run away, seeing as how you weren't anywhere in the city, and I told her so, but she just told me to stop being so stupid, and sent me here." Naruto stops talking for a little while to chew and look thoughtful. "She's really smart too."

"Yes she is." I say, pushing myself off the table to stand. "She's also not especially patient, so I had better get going. I'll see you later Naruto."

He waves goodbye as I leave the dining hall, and yells with his mouth full of food. I laugh at the ladies staring at him in disgust, wishing I had half his courage.

When I reach Temari's office it's somehow even busier than the day after Takeo's murder. But if you think about it, it does make sense. After all, the murder of a prisoner is one thing, but an attempted coup is quite another.

Still, I'm ushered right into Temari, and like the last time, she sends everyone out so that the two of us can talk in privacy.

"So what's this about?" I ask cheerily. "My new bodyguard?"

Temari shakes her head slowly. "We got a message from the Hokage, early this morning. She says she'll be expecting you back in a few days, along with Watanbe and Ito. I sent a messenger ahead of you to inform her of Naruto's recovery, so she'll be expecting him with you."

"Oh." Suddenly I don't feel so cheery.

Temari lifts her hands in a sort of helpless gesture. "I don't know what else to say. Thank you, for one, for all your help. The night before you leave we'll have a banquet – because I know how much you love those – to thank the three of you for all that you've done. I'm putting in a suggestion that we give you a medal or something, because you sure deserve it."

I shake my head. "You're not serious right? No medals Temari. Not for us. You know that."

She sighs. "You're right. It's just so unfair that our work never gets appreciated properly." She looks up and smiles impishly. "But you'll have to make a speech the night before you leave, for sure."

"Now I know you can't be serious." I say, but she just smiles, raises her eyebrows.

"You know you want to."

"No."

"Mmm hm."

"Definitely not."

Temari takes out a pen and writes something down in her date book. "So you'll give your speech between Watanabe's and Seri's? That's perfect."

"No Temari!" I yell, getting up to try and grab her pen away. "What are you writing there? Stop it!" She nimbly dodges my attempts to steal her book.

"You'll love Seri's speech I guarantee it!" She cackles, closing her book and hiding it in her desk. I fall back into my chair heavily and cross my arms across my chest like a sulky child. "She's my favorite speaker actually. I don't think she even thinks about her speeches beforehand either. They just always come out so…"

"Temari."

Temari snaps out of her happy retreat to focus back in on me.

"Yes?"

"I hate to be the one to dampen the mood here but…"

"But what?" she asks, no longer looking so happy. I'm almost sorry for what I'm about to say.

"But there is no way in hell that you're getting a speech out of me." I repeat. "And that's final."

"Oh, we'll see." She replies, smiling mysteriously. "We'll see."

I sigh and shake my head at her stubbornness. "Is that all you called me down here for? To pick on me?"

"Of course not!" She exclaims, but then for a moment seems at a loss, as if she can't think of another reason she asked for me. After a moment she shrugs. "Oh well. Seri wanted to see you at the hospital again before you leave. She figured you'd be too busy tomorrow, so she wants to see you today. About an hour ago."

"Great. Thanks Temari." I mutter ungratefully as I stomp out of her office and into the army of assistants waiting outside. "She's all yours." I call out melodramatically as I wade through them and out the door.

Once I'm out in the sunlight again, I feel like a dark cloud has descended over my head. It's time to go, just when I was really starting to enjoy my time here. When it finally seemed like something might happen with Gaara; I have to leave the city, and who knows when I'll ever be back? By the time I'm sent on another mission to Suna he'll probably have met a dozen other women who will fall madly in love with him, and chances are pretty good that at least one of them will get his attention.

After all, if I could do it, anyone else certainly could.

"I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life." I mutter to myself as I turn down the street that leads me to the hospital. Already it's hard to tell that it rained last night. No puddles remain, no extra water drips off the sides of buildings. It's nothing like Konoha after a storm. The sun dries up the water almost as soon as it comes.

I reach the hospital faster than I'd expected. Everything is happening too fast, all of a sudden. I walk up the stairs slowly, as if that can prolong my time here, but I'm only halfway up the stairs when I hear a familiar voice telling me to hurry.

I look up to see Junko leaning out the window, waving at me. "If you don't hurry someone's going to die!" She yells. "And I don't mean one of the patients – they'll die anyway!" As soon as she says it she covers her mouth and looks shocked. I'm quite shocked myself. I never realized Junko could be so crude.

I duck my head to hide my smile as I jog the rest of the way up the stairs and into the hospital. As soon as I walk in I feel like I've come home again. This is where I belong. The smells and sounds are so familiar to me, I feel like I've been deaf all this time, and now that I'm in here, surrounded by the sound of talking and monitors and footsteps on linoleum I'm alright again.

"Miss Sakura! You're back!" The man behind the desk stands as I enter. I never did learn his name, and now I feel bad about it, but too embarrassed to ask him this late into our acquaintance.

"Yes. Though I'm afraid it's not for long."

"Oh?" He starts to ask more, but I'm saved from having to explain myself by Junko, who comes running down the hall and launches herself at me, nearly bowling me over.

"Sensei! Where have you been all this time?" she asks breathlessly. Kenta and Mai follow soon after, with little Asuka bringing up the rear.

"I had some very important business to attend to." I say, trying to sound important in front of my students. For some reason they seem to think I'm this great person, and I feel like I shouldn't disappoint them by telling them the truth.

"More important than saving the lives of people here?" Mai asks quietly.

"Well… er…" I falter, unsure of how to respond. Well, some of them seem to think I'm a great person anyway; Mai can see right through me. "So the truth is I was told to take a vacation, when I was recovering from my injuries."

"Well that's lame." Junko says. "While you were gone we had to learn from this other lady-"

"Hey! Don't be so rude!" Another familiar voice yells across the room. A voice that most would associate with the devil, but it'll always make me think of hospital food.

"You're late." Seri says, glaring at me as she walks up, followed by a young woman dressed in a white doctor's coat. The other woman smiles at me shyly as they approach, but doesn't step out from behind Seri to introduce herself. She reminds me a lot of Hinata, actually.

"Yeah, about that… Apparently nobody thinks I sleep." I answer with a shrug.

"That's because you don't sleep." She responds, "I'm your doctor; I know these things."

"Well I was sleeping this morning. And no one thought to look for me in bed, so I actually got to sleep in."

Seri raises her eyebrows skeptically. She probably doesn't believe me. She probably thinks I went out for a run around the city, so no one could find me, and I'm just making up excuses to please her. As if there's anything I could say that would really please her.

After a minute she shrugs, and tells the students to go away. "Sakura and I have some very important things to discuss, and you all have a lot to learn still."

Junko sighs loudly, but follows the others away, with the young woman in tow. Asuka turns to wave at me as I watch them walk away down the hall, and I wave back, feeling a little pang of regret in my chest.

"I'm going to miss them." I tell Seri, as I turn to follow her the other way.

"After I practically had to force them on you – it's such a shame." She says dryly. She opens the door to her office for me and ushers me inside first before closing the door behind us.

"Have a seat." She says, dropping herself heavily into her own chair. I sit in a seat opposite her with a little more composure. "So. Leaving tomorrow eh?" She says, getting straight to the point. "Honestly Sakura, I was hoping to get more work out of you before you left."

I laugh. Of course Seri's motives would be so practical. That's what I love about Seri.

Seri grins wickedly, showing off her pointed teeth to their full, terrifying extent. "You laugh now, but don't be thinking that I'm going to let you off so easily. With all the patients we've gotten from the battle, and all the stupid people who got colds after going out in the rain last night… Well, I just don't have time for everything, so I'm going to ask you to do one last thing for me – more as a favor than anything really."

I nod cautiously. What does it matter how I respond anyway? Even if she says it's just a favor, nothing is ever 'just a favor' with Seri. She's too scary for that.

"Good! I'd like you to do one last check up for the Kazekage before you leave. I told him to be here in a couple hours, so that should give you plenty of time to get ready for the big party tonight afterwards."

"Uh huh." I just keep nodding. Seri can't know how excited I am to see Gaara again – and in such close quarters too! – but the way she's smiling at me does make me suspicious. I wonder just what she knows.

"Thank you dear!" She says, getting up out of her chair to hug me. I don't hug her back at first, unsure of what the hell is going on, but after a moment I relax and hug her back.

"We're going to miss you kid." She whispers into my ear, and then let's go of me just as quickly as she started the embrace. "Now get out there and work!"

* * *

**Sorry it's taking me so long; I always have trouble with the end of stories.**

**But mostly I've just been playing to much DDR lately. ; )**


	40. 39

Here I am, one last time, in a small room with a half naked Kazekage.

But wouldn't it be nice if it wasn't the last time? If we could be in this situation some other time, in different circumstances that weren't so… clinical?

"You let her rope you into work on your last day in town?" Gaara asked as soon as I walked in the door. I just sighed and bowed my head under the pathetic truth of it; I'm a big sucker.

I set about getting everything ready and sterilized, and he said, quietly, more to himself than to me, I think, "I'm glad."

I do all the usual check up actions almost mechanically, glad that my body is so used to the actions that it's pretty much automatic because my brain is definitely not thinking about the check up. Well, not the medical part anyway.

"Tell me…" he says, while I'm checking his blood pressure, and I immediately focus in, ready to tell him anything. I would do that; I'm _that_ hopeless when it comes to men. "What was it like, when you were dead?"

I pause for a moment before answering, wondering if I should tell him the truth or the convenient lie I came up with for these situations: 'It's like nothing.' But somehow it feels wrong to lie to him about this, like a sort of betrayal, and I know he's had too much of those lately, so I tell him the truth.

"It was really quiet at first, but then I started to hear voices. I recognized them, because they were all friends, loved ones. They were all dead. I thought at first that I was dreaming, but when I could feel their touch, I knew that I was just like them. And they were so happy to see me, it didn't matter that I was dead because I was just so glad to be with them again. I was so… happy." I turn to the counter and quickly wipe away the little tears gathering at the corners of my eyes. I'm glad Gaara's back is turned to me right now. "Stupid, to be so happy to be dead."

Gaara is silent a long time before answering. "I'm not so sure. If it's like that, then I would be happy to die too, if I knew that there was someone who loved me, who would be waiting for me. But as it is…" He doesn't finish his sentence. He doesn't have to. I know what he's thinking. 'There is no one.' I wonder what dying must have been like for him then, to be able to think such things.

"Gaara." I say, almost surprised when he actually looks up at me. "When you told me I shouldn't wish for death – you were right." As I say this, I'm holding a needle to the inside of his elbow, getting ready to stick it in for a blood sample. Somehow, this actually makes me feel more comfortable; how messed up is that? "But…"

We both watch in silence as the small glass tube fills up with dark red liquid – his blood. When it's full I pull the needle out and place the blood sample in another container.

"But?" He asks, swiveling his body around on the table to follow my movements.

I shrug. I'm trying to act as casually as possible, as if this isn't a big deal for me – because it shouldn't be. Really it means nothing, right? "But if I was to die, and I'm not saying that I'm hoping for it, but if it happened…" I take a deep breath, steadying myself. "Then there would be at least one person waiting for you on the other side. So you wouldn't have to be… sad." Oy. What a lame ending to what I had hoped would be the speech to make him fall madly in love with me. He would be so charmed by my thoughtfulness, and realize just how much I love him and stand up, and take me in his arms and kiss me…

"But I would be sad." He says instead. My daydream falls into pieces like so many bits of glass in my mind. It hurts. "I would be sad if you died Sakura."

I guess that's as good as I'm going to get out of him. Expecting anything more was silly really. My fantasy went up against his real character – and lost miserably.

I pull out my stethoscope and put it into my ears. This is my favorite part of the check up, when I have a perfectly good excuse to get up close to Gaara. It's quite natural that while holding a stethoscope to his chest my hand would rest on his skin there. I'm just holding the stethoscope in place.

How did I fall so low? To use such childish techniques just to touch Gaara's skin? I'm quite ashamed of myself.

But too content at the moment to really think about it. Listening to Gaara's heart beat soothes me, almost puts me to sleep.

"Sakura?"

Gaara's voice jolts me back to reality. I realize I've just been standing here, with my hand pressed to his back, listening to his heartbeat for who knows how long.

"I, uh, thought I heard an irregularity for a second there," I stutter, making up some lame ass excuse for my behavior. "But it must have been a mistake. My own heartbeat maybe – you know how hard it can be to tune it out sometimes."

I turn back to the counter to put my stethoscope away and try not to sigh too loudly at my stupidity. Why do I always come off as such an idiot in front of the men I really like?

I pick up the clipboard I've been making notes on (it's a wonder that they actually sound like legitimate medical notes, not some girly fawning, I was so tempted to just fill out this sheet with how sexy he looks without a shirt on) and walk around the table until I'm facing Gaara.

"You can put your shirt back on." I tell him reluctantly. "I'm done."

As he pulls his shirt on I look over the notes I've made. This is really just a way for me to extend this time with him; we both know he's perfectly healthy. Forget that; he's perfect, period.

"I'd say you're as healthy as a horse, but that's a cliché, and I hate clichés so…"

Gaara grabs my hand, and holds it, stares at it. "Do you really mean it when you say you'd be there waiting for me after death?" He holds my hand so tight, like he's afraid I'll pull it away.

"Of course I mean it." I answer, still, though hardly successfully, trying to sound casual. "Unless of course, you die before me. But judging from this physical I just did, that's not likely to happen." He doesn't respond, he just stares at my hand, and even just the top of his head makes me feel so sympathetic that I go on. "I suppose we could always just arrange it so that we die at the same time, and avoid the whole waiting bit. It would save a lot of fuss."

He looks up into my eyes then, with a look so hopeful and sad at the same time that I nearly burst into tears for him. "Really? You would do that?"

"Sure. Anything for you…" Anything for you love. That's what I want to say, but the last word just won't unstick itself from my throat. It doesn't matter; that little is enough for Gaara. He smiles more brightly than I've ever seen him smile, tearing my heart in two, without ever knowing it.

I lean down and put my head on top of his and my arms around his shoulders. He in return wraps his arms around my waist and pushes his face into my collarbone.

And it just fits. How can I be leaving tomorrow, when I finally know that I have a chance? How can I leave when I've found something here that fits so perfectly?

* * *

**Haha, no kiss. I'm afraid every place I tried to stick it in was just too... stupid sounding. Oh well, maybe later.**


	41. 40

Temari ambushed me on my way out of the hospital. I was still in shock from my encounter with Gaara; otherwise I would have done a better job of avoiding her.

"Party time!" She whooped loudly as she descended on me. "Let's get ready for party time!"

I allowed her to drag me away to the embassy and up to my room, where I noticed she had had some things delivered, and dumped on my couch. Anyway, I figure it was her, since all the things dumped on my couch looked to be dresses, and I'm pretty sure none of them are mine.

Oh yeah, that's right; I don't own any dresses.

"I knew we would need extra time, since you don't have any dresses of your own," Temari says, practically rolling her eyes at me, "So I got out of work early today to help you get ready. We'll have to find a dress first and then fix it up so that it will actually fit you."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. It's always so nice of her to remind me how different my body is to hers, and by different I mean inferior. Less boobs, less hips, less everything that matters basically.

She starts to pull out dress after dress, holding them up to me and throwing them into piles before I even have a chance to react to them. I bear the indignity patiently, knowing that there's really nothing I can do to stop her from being herself. I figure I'll just let her have her fun, right?

Once she's gone through all the dresses that were on the couch, Temari has two piles behind her, one noticeably bigger than the other. "These are the maybe." She tells me, waving at the small pile. "And these are the definitely not." She waves at the big pile. "You can now choose a maybe, and I will approve it – or not."

Grudgingly I go through the dresses I'm allowed to try. I don't even want to go to this party tonight, so why should I have to go through this torture too?

I used to love dressing up. I used to be able to stare at myself in the mirror for hours, fixing up my appearance little by little. Now I can hardly stand the sight of myself. What happened to me?

Temari ends up deciding on the dress, when she sees that I'm not going to make a decision any time soon. She probably wouldn't like whatever I chose anyway. Whereas I might chose something black, to show off how depressed I feel to be leaving, she knows to pick a dress to compliment my skin tone, and accentuate the colour of my eyes. At least that's what she says.

I only have a moment to look at myself in the dusty pink coloured dress Temari before she takes it away so that she can get it 'fixed' for me. I'm left alone for a moment before she comes back, and in that moment I feel the full heavy weight of leaving falling on my chest, and just as quickly I get over it. Or at least, I tell myself to get over it because I know I'm just being silly. I always knew this wasn't a permanent situation, no point in agonizing over it now.

"Just enjoy the night." I tell myself, rifling through my cupboards for food. I won't be caught hungry like last time. Except that last time I wasn't the only one hungry…

I shake my head and throw away the idea of going hungry just because _he _might be hungry too. That's just desperate, and I refuse to be desperate.

"There should be better food tonight." Temari says, coming in from whatever little trip she went on. I turn around to face her with a sigh. She looks beautiful again tonight. Temari sure knows how to dress for an occasion. "I had my best people on it."

I give her a sceptical look and turn back to my cupboards. "Better safe than sorry, right?"

"You live by that motto, and you're in this profession?" She asks. I ignore the truth in her comment; it's not important right now. Temari goes on through my silence. "And besides you should be getting ready. The party will be starting soon."

"There's still an hour left. And aren't we going 'fashionably late' tonight? I figure I've got a good hour and a half before I actually have to be there."

"I can't be late tonight; I'm hostess. I have to greet everyone as they come in." Temari answers with a deep heartfelt sigh. "I actually have to go early."

"Hm." I pull down some dry noodles and check the expiration date on them. Two days ago. Shrugging, I put a pot of water on the stove and search for something else to eat with my noodles while I wait for water to boil. "_You_ have to go early. That doesn't mean _I _have to go with you. I think I'll wait, but thanks for the offer."

"Sakura. Stop that for a minute and look at me." Temari demands. I turn around, holding green onions in one hand and a bag of seafood in the other.

"What?"

She points to the seat across from her at the counter. I sit down heavily, dropping the vegetables on the counter.

"What's really wrong?" she asks. "I know you're not this upset because I'm forcing you to make a speech tonight."

Oh that. Truth be told, I had completely forgotten about that. I shrug in response to Temari's question and tell her a sort-of-truth. "I don't really want to leave. I kind of made myself at home here."

Temari scoffs at me. "Pfft. You'll get over it soon enough once you get back to Konoha. No worries. Every time I go on an extended trip I get the same feeling. For a few days after I get home I miss wherever I've been before, but soon enough, home reminds me of why it's home. You love Konoha, don't you?"

"Yes." Yes of course I do. I grew up in Konoha. All my friends come from Konoha; it is my home. It's where I belong. "You're right."

"Of course I'm right." She says, looking smug. I can't even feel mad at her for looking smug now; I just have to laugh. "I'm always right. So I'm telling you: don't eat now, you'll only regret it when you see all the delicious food we'll have at the banquet."

I eye her for a moment, trying to gauge her honesty, and after a moment I shrug and put the food back away. I leave the water to boil though, figuring that I'll make some tea. I could use something to calm my nerves right about now.

Temari watches me in silence for another moment. Then she looks at her imaginary watch and stands. "Well, I should be going about an hour ago. I'll see you later!"

And then she leaves me.

I stand in the kitchen for a minute, until the water starts to boil, then I set it aside. I don't make tea with it because right then there is a knock at the door. I leave the water behind me as I walk to the door and open it for whoever is outside.

A man I've never seen before is waiting on the other side of the door with his arms full of pink fabric. "Uh… I have a d-delivery for Temari." He stutters. Actually, now that I think of it I have seen him before; he was in Temari's office both times I had to go see her for something. I never really paid any attention to him though.

"It's for me actually." I tell him, taking the dress out of his arms. "Thank you."

"Ah! You are S-S-Sakura then?"

I know it's mean of me, and completely insensitive, but his stuttering actually annoys me quite a bit, and I find myself wishing he would just leave. "Yes that's me."

"Then this is for you." He holds out a box and I take it from his hands, thanking him once again. After that he bows and walks away down the hall.

I close the door after him and walk slowly back into the living room, dumping the dress on the couch so that I have both hands free to open the box. What a mystery that Temari is.

Inside the box I find a pair of gloves. They're nearly white, but have just a hint of pink to them. They really are perfect for the dress she's chosen, and when I try them on they fit perfectly. They even somehow manage to make my calloused, manly hands look delicate and elegant. These are magic gloves.

I take the dress with me into my bedroom and put it on. When I look at myself in the mirror, with the new perfectly fitting dress (how they managed it I don't know) and the magic gloves, I really do look quite pretty. Now that's something.

I look up at another knock on the door. I'm popular tonight.

When I open the door Naruto practically falls inside, as though he was leaning on the door. He looks pretty silly in the suit he's wearing for the party. "Aw gee, you don't have to dress up to impress me Sakura." He says, and I punch him in the arm.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I'm here to take you to the party." He answers, holding his arm out to me. I stare at him blankly for a moment, after which he shakes his elbow, gesturing for me to take it. "So let's go."

"What time is it?" I ask instead.

He sighs heavily. "It's time to party! Come on Sakura." He wiggles his eyebrows at me so convincingly that I just have to take his arm and follow him out, down the stairs and into the big hall where everyone is waiting.


	42. 41

Well, the party was a disaster. And now, here I am, all alone in my room, with a face that looks like it was trampled on and a heart that feels the same.

How you ask, did this happen? Well, it went like this…

Naruto and I arrived early, by which I mean we arrived on time. We weren't the first there of course, because Temari was already there, along with an army of servers, and some other important Suna officials who just can't be late for anything. I think it's been physically ingrained into them by now: do not be late.

In any case, the hall was still pretty empty, so we pretty much just talked to each other and looked around hoping for a server with a tray full of food to come by. But I was feeling good, better than the last time I was at a party anyway. I felt much better knowing Naruto would be there with me, and it sure didn't hurt that I thought I looked pretty good.

People started arriving soon enough, and the hall filled with people. Nothing much happened in the first little while, just a lot of standing around and talking and hoping for food. Nothing exciting.

When the call came for dinner we were both really hungry so we skipped right on in to the banquet hall and sat quickly, as if that would somehow make the food come faster. I was sitting at the table next to the table full of important people, with Naruto to one side of me, and Watanabe and Ito to the other side. All I had to do was lean over a little bit and I could stare at Gaara all I liked. I didn't. And I know now that he wasn't staring at me, but then, I was still hoping.

Apparently I'm more of an idiot than I thought.

Anyway, supper passed by just fine, with nary a snag. The food was just as good as Temari promised, and Naruto and I both stuffed ourselves as much as properly possible. Or at least, I did; Naruto doesn't really care about being proper.

After dinner came the speeches. Some of the speeches were too long, some too short (Gaara's for example) and some just weren't. I ended up being excused from speaking; I guess Temari has a kinder heart than she lets on at first, and Watanabe spoke for the three of us from Konoha. Seri gave a great speech, which somehow went from hospital bills to boxed lunches and killer whales, and all the way back to me. I couldn't sop smiling the whole time she spoke. I'm going to miss Seri so much.

And then after that everyone moved back into the hall for dancing. I danced with Naruto, and then Watanabe came and asked me for a dance, and Ito did too. I danced with men I don't even know.

But not Gaara. He never came to ask me to dance. And I can't say that he wasn't there to ask me, or even that it was just because he just doesn't dance; I saw him there, dancing with other young ladies of quality. But never me.

This I found very strange, especially after the touching moment we shared in the hospital this afternoon. I found it very troubling actually, and after seeing him dance with three other women I couldn't stomach it anymore and I left the dance floor. I left the ballroom entirely.

I went to stand on a balcony. They were still mostly free, since even lovers would be inside dancing at that time. So I didn't have to put up with much of other's being in love at the moment.

I wanted it to be cold. I wanted to feel cool wind on my face, because it was too hot. But the air in Suna never gets cold, and I couldn't even have the satisfaction of getting goose bumps.

Mostly I just wanted him to show up, but he never did. I was hoping he would follow me out onto the balcony, hoping that maybe he was just to shy to ask me for a dance in public. I was still telling myself he only danced with those girls because he had to. They were the daughters of important government officials, and so he had to dance with them for political reasons, while all along he was yearning to be with me, to ask me to dance.

He never even came to talk to me once.

Nothing happened. Nothing went wrong especially, because nothing happened. And that's what was so wrong.

I waited out on the balcony for what felt like forever, until couples started swarming to them. I couldn't stand being near them anymore than I could stand watching Gaara with other women, and so I left. I snuck out of the ballroom and up into my room, all the while hoping that I would hear a familiar voice behind me, asking me where I was going…

Well no such luck. I made it up here just fine. No one has even noticed me missing from the party probably. It's probably better that way, so they don't come up here looking for me and find me in such a mess.

I don't understand; what happened? What did I miss? Where did I go wrong?


	43. 42

I wake up around two, long before dawn. My eyes feel all gross and puffy; the way eyes feel after a long hard cry. I'm still wearing the dress from last night, even the magic gloves.

I get out of bed and shuffle into the bathroom where I strip down and splash water all over my body to wake myself up, and maybe somehow wash off all the bad feelings that came with yesterday. Now that I can think again, I realize that it's not my fault. Well sure, it was dumb of me to fall for another jerk, but it's not my fault he's a jerk.

He's the one who made me believe he cared. He's the one who messed with my mind, played with me. Making me think he didn't like me, and then that he loved me, acting so unsure of himself, playing upon my weakness, every woman's weakness.

He doesn't deserve me.

I sigh deeply, as deeply as I possibly can, hoping to just blow out all the bad feelings. I'm leaving today; in a matter of hours I'll have left this all behind. It will be better for me to just get as far away as possible and forget this ever happened. Once I'm back in Konoha I'll be able to look at this trip objectively, see how silly I was. I'll probably realize that I never really cared much about Gaara anyway; he's just a sort of coping mechanism. Of course, I only needed to feel like I was in love with him, and believe I had a chance with him because it had become so blatantly obvious that nothing could ever happen with Sasuke. I needed Gaara to help me get over Sasuke.

I'm such a delusional fool.

With that in mind, I get dressed, back into my own clothes and go out for an early morning run, much more comfortable in my own clothing. I run around Suna, saying one last goodbye to all the places I won't visit again.

That's when I see Gaara up ahead. He's standing in the desert, looking outwards. It's like he's one with desert sometimes; he belongs to it, and it belongs to him. I just don't figure into the equation anywhere.

"Gaara!" I yell, stupidly going after him, even after last night. I guess I'm a sucker for punishment.

He turns and glares at me. That's it. No moment of surprise to see me out here in the middle of nowhere so early in the morning, just hostility, right off the bat. "What do you want?"

I stop dead in my tracks. "I didn't expect a warm welcome exactly but this…"

"Well then, that makes two of us." He answers, and turns his back to me. He'll be expecting me to give up and leave now, but I refuse to back down.

"What's your problem? I thought-"

"Well you thought wrong. We both did, it seems." He cuts me off and speaks in a quiet, harsh tone. "You could have at least…" He shakes his head. "I know better now anyway. Maybe I should be thanking you."

He doesn't even give me a chance to respond; he takes off in a cloud of sand before I can even open my mouth. Even if I could have opened my mouth, I doubt any noise would come out of it; I'm so confused.

There really is something I'm not getting.

I run back to my room right after that, but I'm only halfway there before I start crying. I crawl back into my room through the window and curl up in bed to cry this thing out. I just want it out. I just want him to love me. It feels like that's what I'm always wishing. Why can't I be loved?

I must have fallen asleep because when Naruto bursts into my room in the morning and pulls open the blinds to the sun I feel like a chunk of my life is missing. Well, I suppose it is, and not just because I slept through it.

"Wakey wakey!" He chirps, "It's time to go home!" I hate Naruto in the morning; I always want to throw things at him, and pillows just don't cut it. My annoyance remains unabated, and he remains cheerful and alive.

I mutter obscenities at him and try to bury myself into the bedding, but he pulls it away from me.

"Seriously Sakura! We're leaving in half an hour!"

I glare at him through the haze of red that is descending on my vision. "And you wake me up now? What the hell is wrong with you?"

He shrugs. "I figured you'd want to sleep as long as possible after the late night we had last night." He answers, and laughs sheepishly. I grumble some more as I get out of bed, conveniently dressed already and shove all my stuff into a bag.

When I open the door out of my bedroom Temari is sitting on my couch, staring out the window. She turns when I walk out and grins at me. I hate both of them so much right now.

"Well good morning sunshine!" She says, and I can only manage a grumble in response. "Not a morning person are we?"

"Not this morning." I walk back into the bedroom and come back out with the dress and gloves from last night. "I almost forgot; you might want these back before I leave."

She shakes her head. "No actually. You keep them; to remember us by when we're not with you." She wipes away an imaginary tear, and I walk past her to the door, deliberately ignoring her theatrics. I quickly shove her gift into my bag, as delicately as possible of course, and then swing the pack onto my back.

"Let's get going then shall we?" I ask, and walk out into the street, followed by the others.

We walk through the streets, which are all empty for some reason, and out to the city's exit. It's so eerie, walking in the streets without hearing the chatter of people all around.

Once we get out it becomes obvious why there was no one in the streets; they've all come to say goodbye. This sight is nearly as eerie as the last.

Watanabe and Ito are already waiting with our guide. It's the same man who brought us to Suna the first day we arrived. They wave as we come near and shoulder their own packs, ready to go.

The Kazekage and his councilors are waiting as well, all lined up to shake our hands as wish us well. That's what all the councilors wished me anyway, Gaara barely managed to blurt out a goodbye.

"Thank you for all your help." He says stiffly, shaking my hand. It's almost physically painful for me, this situation. I just want to hug him, but that's obviously not going to happen. He'd probably crush my throat if I even tried it now.

"I'm glad I came." I answer truthfully, and turn away, following the others who have already started walking.

I turn around after a minute, because I can't help myself, and everyone is still standing there, watching us leave, but the only eyes I see are Gaara's, glowering at me under lowered brows. I quickly turn away and face forward. It's time to put this behind me; time to go home.


	44. 43

We've been home for a week now, and I still haven't unpacked my bag. I don't know why; I don't know what I'm hoping for.

Life has pretty much gone back to normal, or as close to normal as life ever gets. Everyone around me is still crazy, so nothing is ever really… sane, but that's the way it is. It's the way it always has been.

I feel like I should be comforted by that fact. It's just like Temari said it would be; everything is so familiar. Everyone has gone back to their usual routine now that the drought has ended. It rains every day. People smile at each other as they walk down the street, and the Yamanaka flower shop is full of people again.

This is my life.

I've been trying to convince myself of that lately. But I can't stop thinking about Suna. Of course, I think about Gaara a lot too, but usually I can stop myself from that much at least. It's Suna I can't get out of my head.

At night, when I sit on my roof with Naruto and drink tea, I look across the city and see all the bright lights, but I can't stop comparing it to Suna's gentler glow. Naruto talks all the time, but I can't hear half of it, wishing to feel the dry wind of the desert on my cheeks again.

When we left Suna, I thought it was the people I'd really miss, but it turns out I was most in love with the city itself.

Tsunade has been getting annoyed with me lately. I've been helping her out, but my mind is obviously elsewhere, and I haven't exactly been doing my best work. She's really gotten pissed off. That's why I have the day off today; so that she can get some work done without having me around to muck things up. I wish she had sent me away on a mission instead; it's easier for me to stop thinking about Suna that way. Now I have nothing to do but sit around. Naruto isn't even around to keep me company. After his grand welcome home, he insisted on being sent out again on a mission. He didn't want to stay, so he didn't. I wish I could do the same.

Instead I'm sitting here in my living room, sipping tea and staring at the ceiling. I've never noticed how many cracks were in my ceiling until today.

I get up after a few hours and go into the kitchen to get food. I've restocked it with good food since I got back, so now I have plenty of ingredients to make some delicious food.

Instead I eat raw vegetables and rice crackers.

I walk into my bedroom, still munching on a carrot, and eye the bag sitting on the floor at the foot of my bed. I should really unpack.

I sit down in front of the bag cross legged and stare at it for a while longer before actually opening it.

It smells terrible. I pull out a dirty shirt – the source of the smell and throw it into the corner. I'll wash it later. I pull out the dress next. It smells a little funny too, because of the shirt, but I ignore the smell as I hold it against my chest and rub the fabric between my fingers. If only this feeling brought back good memories…

I put the dress aside and pull out a box next. For a second I can't place it, and I wonder why it's there, but then I remember that Temari gave me the gloves too. Then I realize that I really am losing my mind.

I open the box and pull out the gloves, then throw the box away. It hits the wall and falls to the ground, followed by a small thump.

I turn to look at it. Followed by a thump? I crawl over to the box, wondering what could have made that second noise, and that's when I notice the small red box. It must have been in with the gloves all along, but I never noticed.

I pick it up and study it for a second before opening it. It looks like a jewelry box; I've seen plenty of these in Ino's room, gifts from her admirers. No doubt she has plenty more now, wherever she is. I wish she was here now so that I could show her mine, even if it isn't really from an admirer.

I open the box, and a slip of paper falls onto the floor, uncovering a tiny pink rose. I ignore the paper for a minute, picking up the rose gently. It's made out of some sort of crystal, and attached to a thin silver chain, so thin it's almost invisible. It's one of the loveliest things I've ever seen, the prettiest thing I've ever owned. Too bad I'm discovering it now, and not a week ago, before the party when it would have looked best with my outfit. I put it on now anyway, to see how it feels around my neck. The chain is so light it's like wearing nothing at all; only the soft weight of the rose on my collarbone gives away the fact that I'm wearing a necklace.

Once I'm done admiring the necklace I pick up the paper, curious to see what Temari had to say to me that night. Maybe it will explain something, excuse me from making a speech probably. I unfold the paper and read:

_You'll probably think I'm foolish for this, but I'm just not sure of anything anymore. I don't think I ever really was. It's too hard to tell someone how you feel; you're too likely to get hurt. I love you. If you feel the same way, wear this tonight and I will know, without you ever having to say anything. If you don't wear it, then I will know that I truly am foolish, and I apologize if I made you look foolish as well. It was never my intent._

_ Gaara_

Well, that explains a lot.

But what can I do now? Nothing. Nothing, and so I cry.


	45. 44

"That's a pretty necklace Sakura." Naruto remarks. He got home this afternoon, but we couldn't get together until now because I was at work. Tsunade let me go back to work a few days ago, and I've been much better. I'm almost her favorite again.

"Thank you." I answer, pouring boiling water over tea leaves. I put it onto a tray and carry it up onto the roof. We sit out here a lot, having learned to enjoy the finer things in life in our old age.

"Where'd it come from? Do you have another secret admirer?"

"Another secret admirer? Did I have a first one?" I ask, sidestepping the question.

"You had me!"

I laugh and pour myself a cup of tea. "Naruto, you were never a _secret_ admirer. You were never a secret anything."

Naruto pouts and swings his legs over the edge of the building. "Anyway, you ignored my question."

"I never ignored it, I just didn't answer it." I say, hoping that will get him to talk about other things, but you know Naruto…

"So answer the question. Where did you get it?" He persists.

"I got it in Suna." I finally answer. I don't tell him who gave it to me. There's no way I'm going to tell him that.

"Hm." He reaches over and takes a cup of tea. I sit down beside him on the edge. He looks sideways at me for a minute before saying, "You know, you should have worn it that last night we were there. It matches the dress Temari gave you."

I look down at the ground far below, letting my hair fall forward to cover my face so that he can't see how much that hurt. "I know." I mumble. I know now at least. Too bad it's not enough.

"So has anything exciting happened since I left?" he asks.

I look up from the drop, glad that I can control myself enough not to cry. I'm becoming very good at controlling my emotions now, good enough to concentrate on work again. "Not much. I finally unpacked my bag. It was a big step for me."

"Your bag? You still had a bag from Sunakagure?" Naruto never was one for sarcasm.

I shake my head at him, and watch as the lights of houses go out and the street lights turn on. The lights here are the same as they've always been. They're the same as they always will be, and I'm okay with that.

I'm going to be okay with this.

* * *

"The Hokage wants to see you right away."

I turned around and nearly let out my frustration right then and there, on the messenger. She sends me away on an errand, and then before I can even get what she wants me back already? That woman is never satisfied!

But the messenger who looks up at me is so young; I lose my steam almost right away. There's always some child running around that Tsunade can boss around. She knows how to use them to their full, hurt-proof capabilities. Faced with such an opponent, all I can do is sigh and follow him back to Tsunade.

"She'll probably be mad at me for not getting everything on her list," I mutter to myself as we walk. "And she won't even stop to think that it's her fault; she'll blame me for everything! This is so unfair!"

The boy leaves me as soon as we get to the door, so that I have to open the door myself. I open my mouth to defend myself as I enter, but any words I had planned on saying fly right out of my head when I see who she's talking to.

Gaara turns to glance at me when I walk in the door. For a minute I'm frozen in place under his gaze. I feel like my knees are going to give out, like the world has opened under my feet. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

He frowns for a second when he sees the necklace around my neck, and then quickly turns away. What he must think of me now… Sure, I know why he hates me now, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

And here I thought I was so good at controlling my emotions, but just seeing Gaara has made all these feelings come back to me, and I don't think I'm doing a very good job of hiding them either... I need to work on it a little more, it would seem.

"Sakura, how did you like Suna?" Tsunade asks, not looking at me when she talks to me, but observing Gaara.

"I liked it a lot." I answer truthfully. I'm trying not to let Gaara scare me now. "It was… nice." I finish lamely, unable to find the right word to describe what Suna was like. That's fine; let Gaara see me making a fool of myself some more; let him realize it was all a mistake anyway. It doesn't matter to me now that it's too late. "Why do you ask?"

"The Kazekage here has come to request a medic nin. It seems they're having some trouble with a group of rogue ninjas, specializing in explosives." Tsunade answers. "He seems to think you would be best for the job."

"The head doctor at the hospital asked specifically for her. Even so, I know you have problems of your own, and no doubt Sakura is a valuable asset-" Gaara starts to tell her, but Tsunade cuts him off with a laugh.

"Valuable? Ha! Lately all she's been good for is grocery shopping!" She laughs. I flush, clutching the list of ingredients she had sent me to buy for her. Tsunade stops laughing and looks serious as she tells Gaara, "Ever since she got back from Suna, her mind has been elsewhere. And you know, I think she left it there." She finally looks at me, and says something so strange, I'm pretty sure I imagined it.

"Or was it your heart?"

But from the look Gaara gives me, I think that maybe it did happen. Maybe I'm not completely insane just yet.

"You can have her." Tsunade says, turning away. "She's no good here anymore."

"If it's okay with you…" Gaara says, finally turning and acknowledging my presence.

"Of course it's okay with her!" Tsunade cuts in loudly. "It's all she's wanted since she got here!"

Despite her arguments Gaara watches me. I manage a small smile and nod my agreement. I doubt I could manage to say anything intelligent at the moment anyway. Gaara nods to me, then turns to Tsunade and gives her a small bow before walking past me and out the door.

Tsunade turns around once he's gone and grins at me. "That boy looks better and better every time I see him. He's grown up very nicely don't you think? Of course, he's still rather short. That might pose a problem…"

I open my mouth, but words can't express the things I want to say. What do I want to say?

"I told him to expect you in a week. That should give them plenty of time to get ready for you, and that way he can be there to greet you when you reach Suna again." She says with a shrug. "I would have sent you away earlier, but we don't want to seem too eager to get rid of you – that might give us away."

I find that I'm smiling, and I'm having difficulty stopping it. I really do have to work on controlling myself. But the thought of going back to Suna, back to the desert and the sun, and the winds full of sand… I never thought I could be so happy to go back to that.

"Thank you." I blurt out.

"Oh, don't bother thanking me. I'm the one who's getting the best out of this deal." She answers, grinning still.

I would hug her, but I doubt I could fit my arms around her giant boobs anyway, so I settle for the smile already plastered on my face.

Tsunade stops smiling. "So, did you get my groceries or what?"


	46. 45

A week passed. It passed by very slowly, sure, but it passed.

I saw Gaara pretty often in that week, though I never talked to him again. I was always seeing him from afar, talking with some important person or other. I never had the courage to go to him again. All I could do was stalk him from a distance.

I watched him saying goodbye before he left. He really is a good diplomat. No one would have expected it of the psychotic child who killed for pleasure, but he grew up to become a good leader for his people. I felt so proud of him that day, for all the things he's accomplished.

And now here I am, on my way back to Suna with the same man as guide I had the first time. He smiles to see me back again.

"Couldn't stay away miss?" He asks. I shake my head and he nods knowingly. "The desert's got her claws in you now."

I guess he doesn't know that the desert is a man.

I start to feel excited in the afternoon, knowing that we're getting close. I can't wait to see the city again, and all the people I've missed. I suppose I'll be seeing a lot more of Seri in the future, since she was the one who asked for me, but I can't help wishing it was Gaara. I wish he wanted me too.

Maybe I'll get to see my students again. They're probably not mine anymore though; I doubt they'll have saved my post for long after I left, considering that I wasn't supposed to be coming back after only a week.

"So, I hear things are a bit of a mess lately." I comment to the guide.

He nods. "There are explosions in the city almost every day. They're not always lethal, but it makes it hard to go on living, you know?" He spreads his arms out. "Of course, out here in the desert, it's not like that at all. Out here, it's still peaceful." He turns to glance sideways at me and grins. "If you're ever in need of a little peace and quiet then miss, you know where to come."

No caravan comes for us this time. I get to see the city as we approach, and I feel a surge of happiness in my chest at the sight of it. I think: "It's good to be home." And I know that it's true.

The guide leaves me at the city limits. "I'm sure you can find your way from here." He says with a smile, and then turns and heads back out into the desert. I watch his back as he leaves, wondering what it would be like to live as he does. I don't think he ever leaves the desert.

I turn back to the city and walk to the embassy. It feels sort of strange to be back after so little time and to see how it has changed. I walk past the ruins of a building that I know used to be a home. I suspect that there are many buildings like this in the city lately.

The people though, are as energetic as ever. They go about life as they always do. The people of Suna are probably the most resilient people in the world; nothing seems to faze them. Nothing can send them into hiding.

When I reach the embassy it is full of people. But these people aren't diplomats, they are the injured. I look around, almost in despair at all the people who have been hurt in the attacks. No wonder they requested my help.

I walk over to a woman putting a splint on a man's leg and ask her what I can do to help. She looks up at me in surprise for a moment, and then shakes her head. "You're Sakura Haruno right? You're supposed to go see Seri right away." She points down the hall, and I follow her directions obediently, knowing that if Seri heard I had tried to help before going to see her she would never forgive me.

I find her in a smaller room, her unmistakable voice floating out of the half opened door. When I peek my head in I see that she's with Temari, and they both look up at the same time, with nearly identical expressions of surprise to see me there.

"Hey guys."

"When did you get here?" Temari asks. "I didn't even know you were in the city!"

I shrug. "I just got here. I came here right away, since there was no welcoming committee at the gates or anything…"

Temari snaps her fingers and makes a face. "I knew I was forgetting something!"

Seri rolls her eyes and puts an arm around her shoulders. "You've seen all the people in the lobby then. The hospital was bombed two days ago, and even though most of it is still intact the Kazekage told us to move everyone here. Since they haven't been near any political figures or buildings yet, he said this would be one of the safest places to put them. And he was right; these bombings…"

"Seri." Temari interrupts. "She just got here a few minutes ago. No need to bother her with things like that. And you make it sound so much worse than it is." She shakes her head and takes my shoulders out of Seri's grasp, leading me out into the hall. "We've actually caught most of the criminals by now. They're not really a big deal…"

"Not a big deal!" Seri protests, following close behind. "They bombed my hospital!"

Temari ignores her and goes on. "We just need to rebuild. And that's why you're here; to help fix things up. Seri thinks it will be so much better with you here helping, as does my brother, and I think they might be right." She smiles at me, and I'm thinking, 'So does her brother!' and smiling right back.

"If I know you, and I like to think I do, you want to get to work right away don't you?" Temari says, talking more for Seri's benefit than for mine. "So I'll leave you to it and get back to my very business. See you later!"

She waves and Seri and I watch as she walks around the corner and out of sight. Seri turns to me with a very serious look on her face. "I'm glad you're here. The Kazekage won't really admit it, but we need the help. If we can just get these people fixed up…"

I put a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. "I know Seri. Just tell what needs to be done, and I'll do it."

By the end of the day I'm thoroughly exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open when Seri tells me it's time for me to rest. I'm about to lie down right there and sleep on the floor when Temari comes in. I wonder, not for the first time, how she always seems to have such perfect timing.

"You're still awake?" she asks. She waves and smiles at a woman lying in a cot on her way across the room to me. "Isn't it time you were in bed?"

"I was just about to…" I tell her, motioning at the very inviting piece of floor I found for myself.

"Oh good. Get to bed then; I have something to talk with Seri about. Where is she, by the way?"

I point in the direction of the dining room. I think she said something about going to the dining room. Then I sit down on the floor.

"What are you doing?" Temari asks, staring down at me.

"Resting. What does it look like?"

She sighs and shakes her head. "Go to your room Sakura. We kept the last room you had for you, so I'm sure you can find it." Then she shrugs and smiles. "Well, ok, we didn't exactly keep it for you since you left, but since we sent all the foreign ambassadors and such away; your room has become free again."

I get to my feet slowly, swaying slightly. "Why did they do it Temari? Who are these people?"

She pats my shoulder. "They're no one." Then she pushes me towards the stairs and walks away to find Seri.

I walk up the stairs and down the familiar hallway until I reach my door. For a minute I stand with my hand on the door handle, remembering the room. Everything is the same. I open the door, and then stand in the doorway, frozen in surprise.

This is not the same room I left. That room was cold and impersonal. This one is full of life and colour. This room is full of cacti. They cover nearly every surface in the room. On the counter sits a row of flowering cacti, their flowers blooming with spectacular colours, from blue to purple to bright yellow. In the corner stands a huge cactus that reaches up to the ceiling.

A peace offering.

I walk into the middle of the room and twirl around, looking at all the cacti set up around the room. I know who did this, and at this moment I love him more than I've ever loved anyone before.

I walk out onto the balcony and look out across the city. Where is he? The scent of a flowering cactus on the balcony floats around on the desert wind, tickling my nose. And another scent comes to me on the wind. Not a scent exactly, but a direction to follow anyway. I jump off the balcony and leap across rooftops; my fatigue forgotten in my excitement.

There is still hope.

I follow his scent out of the city, out into the desert. And then there he is, standing alone in the moonlight, as I've seen him before. So beautiful.

He turns and sees me as I approach. He opens his mouth to say something, but I'm on him and knocking him over before he has a chance to get a sound out.

"I love you!" I yell. It feels so good to finally say it, to get it out. "It was all a misunderstanding. I found your note when I got back to Konoha and I was so sad; I just wish I had found it earlier, so we never would have had to be angry. I thought you didn't care about me anymore, and so when I found out I was so… I was so…You don't hate me?"

"Not at all." He answers. I notice his smile, blue in the moonlight. "I wish I'd never written that note in the first place; it caused a lot more trouble than any piece of paper should." He says, still smiling somehow. His lips look so delicious and inviting that I can't help myself; I have to kiss him. I have no trouble keeping my smile down to kiss him – I've wanted it for so long.

"Oh." He says once I've decided that breathing is a good thing and backed off a bit. I lean back as he sits up under me. "I hope you didn't break it…" He reaches into a bag he was carrying and pulls out a small plant that I recognize immediately.

"You found my cactus!" I exclaim, taking it from his hands and hugging it to my chest. This is the best day ever!

"It was found at the hospital just after you left. There was no note or anything, no explanation, but there it was…"

I hug Gaara tightly, too happy to form proper words at the moment. I can only make happy noises to let him know just how happy I am. After a moment he hugs me back.

"I never really believed you would be back." He says. "When I saw you again in Konoha I thought you looked so sad, and it hurt…" He takes the necklace in his fingers. I haven't taken it off since I found it in my bag. "I didn't know what to think."

"Well you are a fool you know." I say, trying to sound serious. I must have succeeded, because he looks at me with a confused look. He almost looks hurt. "For thinking that I would play with you, and pretend to love you. Love is a serious matter; it is not to be taken lightly."

"Not like death." Gaara answers, reminding me of a conversation we had a long time ago, out here. He remembers everything, doesn't he?

"Not like death." I agree. "Death isn't such a big deal, now that I have you."

Gaara smiles and falls back. I lie down with my head on his chest, content that I can be near him, as much as I want now. With both him and my cactus back in my life, I couldn't be happier.

After a minute he takes my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine. His touch makes me feel like I'm lighting up from the inside. Beside him, I feel like the moon.

"Something to look forward to…" he murmurs.

I watch as in the east the sun rises over the desert, turning the sands to gold.


	47. Epilogue

_The hospital was nearly dark, lit only by the faint glow coming from patients' room. Everyone was sleeping. A figure walked across the room and took something out of his bag, placing it on the front desk. He looked around for a moment, taking in the room, and then sighed deeply and left before anyone noticed his presence._

_He was stopped just outside the city by a strong gust of wind, too precise to be natural. He turned slowly to face the woman who stood just behind him, glaring angrily at him. He couldn't beat her in a fight he knew, but he also couldn't outrun her, so the only way he could see to deal with the situation was to talk with her._

"_Why aren't you in chains with the rest of your misguided friends?" Temari demanded._

_Luo shrugged and spread his hands in a helpless gesture. "I was just lucky I guess."_

"_Give me one good reason I shouldn't kill you right now Luo, because I would really rather leave you alive."_

"_That seems like a good enough reason to me." He answered. "I promise I'm not up to anything anymore. I just want to find someplace new to live in peace. That's what we all want isn't it?"_

_Temari's shoulders sagged. She held out the potted plant he had left in the hospital. "What's with the cactus then?" She asked tiredly._

_Luo smiled and shook his head a little at himself. Jealously sure made him do stupid things. "It's Sakura's. She'll have missed it I think."_

_Temari watched him in silence for a long while._

"_She loves him you know." Luo said at last, and then turned to leave._

_Temari let him go, hoping she was doing the right thing. It felt right. "I'm not the one who needs to know that." She answered quietly, watching as Luo disappeared in the darkness, knowing she would never see him again. "He is."_


End file.
